In episode 14 we find out why the deity is really a ham actor whose favorite hang out is that famous sleaze joint known as: Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Part 1 [01:40] - in which we find out why such a nasty, awful thing is happening to such a nice, humble guy

Part 2 [04:38] - in which we ask a few crucial questions, like: whaddya mean, US...??? and: Hey! Who left all of these dirty dishes???

Part 3 [15:25] - in which we join the holy orgy, kama sutra... er, I mean, uh, you know: Transformation can be fun

Part 4 [24:40] - in which we find out that we might be on the wrong road — and probably because somebody sabotaged our GPS

Part 5 [29:24] - in which we end up at Niagara Falls — again — and this time, we can just about see someone poking their nose through that huge wall of water

Part 6 [41:50] - in which we find out exactly what NOT to do when things go south


[the following presentation is intended only for immature audiences]

[oh boy, oh boy...]

["And God said: 'Let there be F-Bombs' — And they were good — And they multiplied — Right here, in this podcast..."]

[oh boy, oh boy...]

🎶 Saint-Saëns - Carnival of the Animals - VI. Kangaroos 🎶

Hi, and welcome to episode 14 of the Hansel and Gretel Code...

[hooray!]

in our last episode we learned that this famine ordeal actually meant that our woodcutter was meeting his maker face to terrifying face — albeit without having to go through the usual formalities...

[um, what’s that?]

well, you know... like um, dying first...

[hmm, I’ll believe THAT when I see it]

in other words, his ordeal was a genuine holy terror amounting to an experience of the deity...

[oh god! oh jesus!]

I also promised that we would find out why God, of all people, would come knocking on his door bearing such a lousy hostess gift...

[knocking “Open the Door”]

[go away!]

I mean, come on… what’s wrong with this Deity...? who needs a famine or a nasty papal interdiction?

[yeah]

how about a nice bunch of flowers and a decent bottle of wine...?

[sound of popping cork]

[champagne pour]

[hooray!]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 1 [01:40]

Teil Eins: in which we find out why such a nasty, awful thing is happening to such a nice, humble guy

[why, god, why?]

[oh, the humanity!]

well, of course the simple answer is because it’s the kind of thing all great stories require — at least if they wanna grab our attention and hold our interest...

[shut up mate, you’re boring]

the silly (albeit partially true) answer is that the Deity is just one great big ham who insists on being in every story ever told...

[what?!]

I mean, think about it, we’re all familiar with the deity showing as a a Deus ex machina...

[no!]

c’mon... it’s just the deity wearing a metaphoric smiley face mask and swooping in at the end of a story to make sure that everyone lives happily ever after...

[that’s nice]

yeah, it may be nice, but outside of fairytales, it can be pretty cheesy and much too predictable...

[uh, why is he wearing a lampshade?]

fugeddaboutit, unless that same Deus shows up early and throws a monkey wrench into the works, this wouldn’t even be a story...

[that’s correct]

at worst it would be some forgettable no-news-news...

[blah, blah, blah...]

although at best, it could be an avant garde brain-teaser just like Andy Warhol’s 8 hour film of the Empire State Building...  which, btw, that was probably the most famous (and I gotta say, brilliant) filming of a meditation experience ever made...

[are you kidding me...?]

I kid you not...

so of course, for a story to be even mildly entertaining it’s gotta have a complication... and if a story is going to be a real thriller (which Hansel and Gretel is) it’s gotta have a super-significant ordeal: one that causes a whole lotta angst,

[oh no]

if not outright, existential grief and terror...

[scream]

see, every thriller needs something that does more than just rock the boat... something has to actually tip it over and dump us in the drink...

[water splash]

[oh crap]

and while we’re out there flailing around — that’s when the deity gets to show up wearing his favorite costume...

[who is it? - landshark...]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 2 [04:38]

Teil Zwei: in which we ask a few crucial questions, like: Whaddya mean, US...??? and: Hey! Who left all of these dirty dishes???

[uh oh!]

well yes, I do mean us... because that’s the other thing that makes a story great... not just some random complication... a great story has to be all about us and OUR problems...

[is that so?]

a great story has to metaphorically call up the same intense terror and angst we ourselves have already had or will eventually and inevitably experience...

[you can’t be serious]

okay, so I get it... our fictional woodcutter is the one who’s terrified... he’s facing death by starvation — a catastrophic ordeal so overwhelming that historically it leaves people little choice but to seriously consider cannibalism and infanticide!

[that shit is fucked up]

and despite the real-life occurrence of horrific famines — even in this day and age — so very few of us reading Hansel and Gretel have ever faced involuntary starvation...

[I want my pizza right now — I’m very hungry]

so yeah, if this is such a great story, it’s totally legitimate to ask where WE are in all this...?

[absolutely!]

and to figure that out, all we have to do is ask what kind of first-world ordeal normally terrifies the bejeesus out of us...? especially in our well-fed, post-modern lives...?

[chuckle, I don’t know...]

well, I can tell you from my own experience that true, existential terror doesn’t have to be about a life and death issue...

[uh huh]

it certainly can, of course, and far too often at that...

[of course]

and while Hansel and Gretel is a story that plays on the medieval experience of the Great Famine of 1315, it also includes the common medieval experience of papal interdictions with their nasty threat of eternal damnation...

[3 women scream]

so what’s the nature of any ordeal — modern or otherwise — that puts the fear of god into us without being life threatening?

[how should I know, who even cares?]

well, think about all the run of the mill, and typically annoying ordeals that plague us every single day...

[um nope!]

stuff that may be a pain, but normally doesn’t terrify...

[yeah, we don’t wanna do anything to scare your children, that’s the last thing we wanna do]

[dark laughter]

we’re talking problems that often end up on the back burner as we procrastinate our way forward and try to skip out on making whatever uncomfortable decisions they require of us...

[but what if...]

they can be busy and expensive: like car trouble, or a leaky roof... but we’re really just talking all of life’s dirty dishes...

[man scream]

the most difficult and significant ordeals though — the serious kind that we all eventually face — well, they don’t brook any such procrastination nonsense... they pull the rug right out from under us and produce an immediate, seismic, shift in the status quo...

[I hate Mondays]

so forget the back burner... as soon as they show up they’ve got the smoke alarm blaring...

[oh shit!]

in other words, they demand our attention, they demand a decision and — more like life’s dirty diapers — they really do stink...

[ugh, ew]

now what’s terrifying about them is that they only give us 2 options: a rock and a hard place...

[a confused what?]

I don’t know if you remember Aron Ralston

[no...!]

he was the guy who got stuck out in a desert canyon all alone and, geeze, he had to amputate his own arm in order to get outta there alive...

[yikes!]

well, that’s the literal definition of a rock and a hard place: a life and death situation with no wiggle room and only the slimmest chance of escaping alive...

[in these moments there’s just one thing to do]

[a guy screams]

[go to a therapist!]

well, metaphorically, the only space that’s left to us is for a decision: A or B... the rock or the hard place...

[what the hell?]

and, as Soupy Sales often said:

["now, just what do we mean by that...???"]

well, what the metaphor really means is that we’re stuck in a situation in which no matter WHAT we decide, there’s no chance in hell that things will ever go back to being the way they were...

[oh-no]

see, that’s the real nature of the problem: going forward, there’s zero space left for the status quo...

[oh-no]

that sucker is done and dusted,

[oh-no]

and the only choice left means coming to terms with a brand new — and extremely unpleasant — set of circumstances...

[oh-no]

in other words: a brand NEW status quo...

[oh-no]

[what seems to be the problem?]

hey, remember, we’re still talking about a terrifying ordeal... although ordeals like this still mean that we do, indeed, have a choice: we get to choose one of those 2 hardball options:

[what are they...?]

one of them — let’s call it option A — that one will always leave us feeling some combination of anger, rage and frustration...

[that’s bad]

right, because with Option A we’re pretty sure we have NO choice but to accommodate the new status quo on ITs terms...

[huh?]

you know... kinda like those stupid software licensing agreements... those end user, uh thingies... (EULA)

see, exactly: the terms involved in Option A are nasty, and we know for a fact we’re going to hate having to live with them... and of course, that’s always the default option...

[crowd booing]

now that other option — option B...

[thunder strike]

[horror ambience]

you guessed it — that’s the one that strikes fear in our hearts...

the very idea of Option B always seems crazy... because choosing it will always leave us feeling abject, existential terror...

[that is so funny]

oops... uh, wrong clip...

well, anyway, the crazy thing is that we do, indeed, need ordeals like this...

[you’re kidding, right?]

well, not exactly... see, otherwise we’d all be too content with the status quo — which, by the way, is no safe haven...

[why the fuck not?]

that’s because life, well, life keeps everything changing... and just like Ozymandias and his empire, even the most stable status quo eventually crumbles from stagnation and entropy...

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings — look on my works, ye mighty, and despair

to fight that trend we all need something to test our mettle... something to push us completely out of our filter bubble or comfort zone and force us to make hard choices and life altering decisions — decisions we could never have otherwise imagined making...

[you’re scaring me]

in other words, we all need to consider Option B

[deep church bell]

[ugh, no]

if that doesn’t ring a bell with you, that’s okay... what I’m talking about though is that we need to be forced to the very brink of Option A — of accepting a situation we know we’re gonna hate...

[an angry WHY?]

well since Option A comes with all sorts of new oppressive restraints and punishing demands — and very often, of a financial nature

[it cost you money]

the new status quo it heralds doesn’t scare us, it just pisses us off...

[damn!]

makes us angry, depressed and miserable...

[an anguished oh, no]

and it’s that anger...

[angry noise]

that knowledge of having to agree to certain misery...

[damn you!]

that’s just about the only incentive that could force us to even consider Option B... that other, unthinkable option...

[lots of negation... no, no, no, no, no...]

Option B doesn’t come with constraints or demands... it also doesn’t come with instructions... it’s just one helluva a straight up nightmare...

[more horror ambience]

[a nightmare scream]

and that’s because Option B amounts to a change in consciousness... Option B means looking at things from a whole new perspective and a whole new mindset...

[I can’t see anything, I don’t know where I am]

[have a little more faith, look around]

and that means stepping out on an existential tightrope... a terrifying and even dangerous place with no safety net...

[a yell]

a place where we don’t know what’s gonna happen next... or exactly what we’re supposed to do out there...

[what are you doing there?]

in other words, it means going out on the cutting edge of consciousness and daring to enter the great dark forest of the unconscious...

[are you coming, Curtis?]

and that makes us all just like our woodcutter: living right on the edge of the forest, following his calling and eventually facing an abrupt end to the status quo...

[vinyl record scratch]

[it’s too late now]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 3 [15:25]

Teil Drei: in which we join the holy orgy, kama sutra... er, I mean, uh, you know: Transformation can be fun

(ahem...) serious changes in our personal status quo may not come with instructions — or cool illustration — but ideally, they involve a ritual of some sort... some ritual or ceremony to initiate us into the new situation and our role in it...

[I will marry you, and then we’ll be together forever]

[um, I think not]

and that’s where we need the guidance of a wise ritual elder...

[I’m sorry, what?]

[native shaker sound]

someone who knows the ropes... and knows how to help us negotiate our way through life’s toughest ordeals, via Option B...

[deep church bell sound]

[yell]

and that’s so we can choose it without getting ourselves killed or maimed or even worse: turned to the Dark Side...

[audience gasp]

[dark laughter]

unfortunately, that’s precisely what’s missing in our civilized, post-modern culture...

[native shaker sound]

[what did you say? what did you say?]

[ritual drum music]

sure we have plenty of tribal elders: parents and shrinks and rabbis and priests and imams, just to name a few... far too often though, they’re just as clueless as the rest of us...

[well, my daddy was a strict disciplinarian; when we done wrong he’d strip us buck naked, lay us out in the sun, and cover our bodies with bacon — lean bacon]

[native shaker sound]

[native hand drumming]

and as a result, we’re left to negotiate our way through life’s complications and ordeals on our own — or worse: burdened with flawed or even outright, crappy advice... advice that almost always amounts to settling for Option A...

[this is gonna suck]

but guess what...

[what?]

the fictional complications and ordeals in fairy tales and stories like Hansel and Gretel come with a built-in wise, ritual elder...

[really?]

[who?]

A Yoda, if you will...

[crazy little man]

yeah, well I don’t mean any specific character, or even the story-teller... I mean the story itself...

[excuse me?]

because the story already knows the right way through life’s ordeals... the way through to the situation that’s usually called happily ever after, but which really amounts to a successful initiation into the new status quo via Option B...

[deep church bell] & [yell]

it’s the story itself that ushers us out of the old status quo and into a newer, wiser and more experienced state of being...

[ha, ha, ha... right.]

in other words: it offers us the way through to a Transformation...

[awesome]

and so the difficult ordeals that put us between a rock and a hard place and definitively end the status quo can rightly be called transformative...

[I don’t fucking want that]

well, I can tell you that Hansel and Gretel is a great story because it’s all about us... about following our calling to the place where we’re meant to be living...

[where?]

a place out on the cutting edge of our own consciousness,

[where?]

just the way our woodcutter is following his calling and living on the very edge of his great Forest...

[interesting]

and it’s about the kind of choices we’re meant to make in the face of a transformative ordeal... because in this fairytale we discover that we’re ALL living the life of our woodcutter: with grace being in very short supply...

[maybe]

well sooner or later, in the course of our lives, we all get the sense that grace has completely run out on us... just as it did with our woodcutter...

[aw..why?]

because while his famine is a literal holy terror that means business with him, the business in question doesn’t just force a change in HIS status quo... it’s meant to mirror a change that’s eventually going to be forced on us and our own status quo...

[get outta here...!]

his change is meant to initiate us into our own new status quo via Option B and Transformation...

[deep church bell]

[yell]

[why, why, why?]

because change is the story of ALL our lives...

[naturally]

and Transformation... well, that’s OUR calling...

[unquestionably]

well yeah,

[of course]

and THAT’s the long answer as to why the Deity has shown up...

[positively]

the gift that’s being offered is Transformation...

[indubitably]

and while we may all understand Transformation to be a wonderful thing...

[oh absolutely!]

something we all aspire to...

[amen!]

that new age-y, rainbows and unicorns meme of changing from a caterpillar into a butterfly...

[exactly!]

what we’re really thinking of is the celebration...

[yup!]

the after-party... woohoo...!!

[party horn]

[party sounds]

[I like that!]

quite unfortunately, there is no Transformation without an ordeal...

[ugh, that is so not cool]

and while we’d all rather skip the ordeal part... it’s always an offer we can’t refuse...

[no, nope, forget it]

well, the problem is: the Deity and Don Corleone have a whole helluva lot more in common than we’re accustomed to believe...

[don’t say that]

this famine is the act of a god who expects and demands Transformation and a growth in Consciousness — not just from our woodcutter, but from all of us...

[stop grumbling and get it done!]

in the case of our woodcutter, we can call his ordeal Transformative because he’s being forced to make decisions and take actions that would change him from one state of being to another...

[I’m going to porygonize you, piece by piece]

either a higher one, making him a hero, or a lower one, making him, at the very least, a loser...

[oh no]

having to deal with an awful change in the status quo will also force a change in him from one state of consciousness to another...

[huh???]

one that’s more experienced, wiser and shall we say, more awake... or one that’s just angry, sneakier and shall we say, more on the make...

[well, from my high tech, uh, super-analyzer, uh, thing, I can tell that not only is he strong, but he can think and will continue to learn, I will call it —]

[spaghetti]

uh, no.

[oh-boy]

and that’s Transformation for all of us...

[seriously?]

well yes, because that’s the real and not-so-secret meaning behind all good stories, and the real marrow of fairytales, which, by way of metaphor, invoke our own Transformative ordeals...

[how?]

well, they do that by grabbing our interest and attention — allowing us to identify with the characters — and then they demonstrate what’s required of us...

[hmm, what’s that?]

so, since that 4-square woodcutter family represents US and OUR own consciousness, the change required of us here and now is to figure out and recognize what real, true-to-life grace is, so we can do something to make it at least more available, if not free-flowing, in our own lives...

[church chanting]

[damn that’s good shit!]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 4 [24:40]

Teil Vier: in which we find out that we might be on the wrong road — and probably because somebody sabotaged our GPS

[in the beginning... Genesis 1]

[everything that lives is designed to end / we are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death, is this a curse or some kind of punishment?]

[I don’t want to tell you]

still, how and why can we say the Deity is responsible for this ordeal...? I mean, sure, a famine can be called an act of god... and even a papal interdiction qualifies as a man-made act of god... but just where’s the God in these dastardly acts of God...?

[I don’t know, mate]

well, the Old Testament Book of Job provides a serious hint...

if you remember the story of Job,

[no!]

Yahweh (or Jaws, as I like to call him) makes a bet with his Number 2 son, Satan...

[ooh!]

and the bet is that good old Job, a trusting, humble and god-fearing soul — a guy just like our woodcutter — will put up with anything as long as it’s approved by Jaws himself...

[what a sucker]

in other words: as long as he knows it to be the so-called Will of God...

[sound of church bells]

which is exactly what Isak Dinesen the author of Out of Africa called the second true happiness: knowing for certain that you’re following the so-called: Will of God...

[what did you say that was called?]

and make no mistake, not only is following the Will of God what following your calling is all about... we’re all meant to follow our calling...

[yes, I’ve got an inside job for you]

and for sure, it’s also what Joseph Campbell called "following your bliss..."

[I like it!]

except following your bliss is rarely a cakewalk... and it’s rarely some nice poetic journey down the road less traveled... especially in this culture...

[huh?]

yeah, well that’s because in this culture the default vocation, or calling, is to follow the money...

[that’s correct (walkie-talkie)]

transformation ordeals, in turn, often have more to do with CashFlow than almost anything else...

[I paid five dollars to hear THAT?]

which is why using the phrase “Cash is King” amounts to a near-blasphemous understatement. In this culture: “Cash is God”, is what we really mean, of course…

[don’t say that!]

except by now, we know from this story that cash is not the real grace... nor is it the real God...

[alright, well, that’s good enough for me — that’s close enough!]

unless we’re confident in the dogmatic tenets of whatever religion we follow, we all tend to do a bit of flailing around trying to find who and what that God really is and what the hell he or she really wants from us...

[the bathroom’s in my headquarters; hasn’t been cleaned in months]

and we only go on that kind of quest if we’re put between that metaphoric rock and a hard place by an ordeal that’s utterly soul crushing...

[son of a bitch!]

in other words, when grace completely runs out on us, and throws us into the terrors of a dark night of the soul...

[I can’t see anything, I don’t know where I am]

and that’s because for plenty of us — and maybe especially those of us drawn to the story of Hansel and Gretel — well, we realize we’re not always certain what or where that blissful path of following the Will of God actually is...

[I often think about the god who left us this cryptic puzzle]

[well, I have to say, I’m tired of searching]

all we can know is that if we’re not already on that path, it’s a sure bet that sooner or later we’re going to run into that fateful fork in whatever road we ARE on...

[well, guess what... I already have]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 5 [29:24]

Teil Fünf: in which we end up at Niagara Falls — again — and this time, we can just about see someone poking their nose through that huge wall of water

[god opens the sea with a blast of his nostrils]

[ugh, ew!]

damned if we aren’t meant to take the scarier road... yet that’s the point of this story......

[What...???]

this fairy tale terror is a sure sign that we’re in the presence of the deity...

[you dare to face a goddess?]

sure, there are mystics and saints who reveled in the loving and practically erotic presence of their God...

[we’re just friends]

***********

Teresa of Ávila (from the 16th century) and the 11th century mystic, St. Symeon the New Theologian, who is someone we’ll be speaking about later in this series...  

***********

and any one of us who’s had what’s normally called a religious experience has felt it to be a genuine blessing... a real taste of grace

[my grace is eternal]

and the kind of soul food we’d all love to keep snacking on...   

[damn, that’s good shit!]

on the other hand, there are plenty of biblical passages attesting to the terrifying nature of God’s presence... one of them being Hebrews 10:31

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

[uh oh]

actually, passages like that are a dime a dozen... they all refer to the usual morality business of following the rules...

[aw mom, do I have to?]

and their message — like that of so many fire and brimstone sermons — is meant to serve as a warning: that if the deity finds out we’re not paying close enough attention to those rules — by god, he sure as hell is gonna make us pay...

[naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty dog!]

but there are a few other passages that speak to the terror the deity provokes when the guy ISN’T pissed off...

[oh really?]

one of the most famous from the Old Testament is when Yahweh appears to Moses as a burning bush, because seeing the face of the deity was a privilege denied mortals...

[may my beauty blind you]

although the particular passage in Exodus only says Moses was too frightened to look...

[as expected]

Exodus 3:5-6

Then he said, “Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” He said further, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.

of course this frightening aspect of deity was more emphatically obvious in mythology — case in point: Zeus, having a thing for certain mortals, promised his girlfriend Semele (the mother of Dionysus) she could have whatever she wanted...

[well alright, anything you want. anything...]

unfortunately, having chosen to see his face, she was burnt to a crisp by the very sight of him...

[ugh, that is so not cool]

Right along those same lines, St. Paul — who had his own “I met the deity” story after getting knocked off his horse on his way to Damascus — said that the deity “dwells in unapproachable light” and is someone “whom no man has ever seen or can see.”

Book 1 of Timothy 6.16

…the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16 who alone has immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has ever seen or can see.

[can you see it now...?]

[what are you doin? I wanna see it. See it?! Pardon my lack of excitement, I’ve seen it before]

well, apologies to St. Paul, but what I’m talking about is something even more potent than a Klieg light in your face, and much more visceral than the bland and catechetical abstraction known as “fear of the lord...” one of the so-called 7 gifts of the holy spirit...

🎶 on the next day of christmas my true love sent to me: 7 swans a'swimmin 🎶

[oh, and I suppose you think that’s funny?]

I don’t know, but what I’m getting at here is the psychological fact that the Divine has 2 faces: one nice and one not so nice...

[what?]

well, this is something of a Gnostic concept,

[oh boy]

yet consider the curious case of Nicholas von Flüe...

[who’s that?]

the 15th century mystic and patron saint of Switzerland... sometimes known as Brother Klaus...

[oh brother]

he was visited by the deity and was not only shown the deity’s terrifying face, but according to his biographer, this transformed his own face into some sort of permanent, terrifying grimace that frightened the hell out of all the locals...

[frightened sound] 

well, visible or not, aside from being too radioactive for humans to come in contact with, what could be so frightening about a deity who isn’t specifically pissed off at us...???

[I don’t know]

so what I’m getting at now is the word, numinous... a word that accounts for those 2 faces of the deity by combining horror and holy into one and the same experience...

[what?]

if you remember from episode 2,

[no!]

I spoke about the experience of the numinous or holiness out in the forest... 

🎶 Rossini's William Tell Overture 🎶

in other words, how our woodcutter and his Germanic ancestors were able to experience grace and the presence of their deities out in Nature, and specifically in the forest...

[chicken-ducks]

um, I said the forest...

[birds-forest]

yup, that’s it... that’s better 

well, that word numinous was coined by Rudolf Otto in 1917, as a way to include and define everything that’s Holy... especially an existential experience of the Deity... what we’d normally call a religious experience... and guess what...?

[what?]

that definition includes the concept of terror...

[vinyl scratch ending the music]

[where is your god, now?]

well, Otto explained all this in a book known in English as The Idea of the Holy 

it’s a pretty lengthy book,

[it’s all complicated]

and while I can’t expect you to just take my word for it, I did try to explain the concept of the numinous in episode 3 by referring to those Maid of the Mist boats that take you right up close to the bottom of Niagara Falls...

[oh yeah]

I’ve only taken that ride twice, but I can tell you, it’s an experience that’s impossible to put into words... and it can really give you chills...

that of course, is the nice face of the deity...

[that’s awesome]

and while the not so nice face is only implied in coming so very close to that rushing wall of water, it’s still right there... you can feel it...

[that’s right, baby!]

and all it would take would be a rogue captain to nose the boat too close...

that would allow the deity to poke his not so nice face through that wall of water and right into the lives of those passengers...

[jesus christ!]

now despite the fact that this fairytale was written long before 1917 it’s perfectly legitimate for us to see the concept of the numinous in our woodcutter’s panic... if only because we, in our own time, have access to Otto’s explanation of the word...

[whatever]

but also because Holiness, the Numinous and Transformation are central to the depth of meaning in Hansel and Gretel...

[really?]

well, yes... and right now our woodcutter’s terror is how the concept of the numinous is reinforced as being present in the fairytale...

[bollix, just bollix]

there’s just one thing: in place of the word numinous, the word our fairytale author would have used and been more familiar with is:

[pizza!]

[oh absolutely!]

uh, no... it’s the same word that Thoreau used:

Sublime... [🎶 angelic choir 🎶]

in German, it's: das Erhabene...

[ja, ja, it’s okay]

now as I explained in Episode 3, Sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶] was a word and concept that is nearly synonymous with the numinous, and was pretty popular in the Grimm’s Zeitgeist...

[naturally]

not to mention, central to the entire agenda of Romanticism...

[who cares?]

historically though, it goes back at least as far as the 1st century...

[I don’t have time for this!]

an essay on the subject of the sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶] which had been assumed to be written by a certain Longinus — a 3rd century literary critic — is now quite famous...

a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse! 

(Richard III Act 5 Scene 4)

okay, so it’s not THAT famous...

[roger that]

and this is an important point because despite the age of the text — and its current fame — it was never particularly well known, even after it began circulating more freely around Europe in the middle of the 16th century...

[what kind of crap is this?]

in fact its fame possibly dates from 1694 when a text known as Critical Reflections on Longinus became a central argument in the so-called Quarrel of the Ancients and Moderns  

[fer sure!]

[pseudo-intellectual bullshit]

well, once again, I believe there’s every possibility that our fairytale author wanted us to take this idea of the sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶] into account when thinking about our woodcutter’s terror...

[I don’t think so]

no seriously... there’s an important reason for that... and one that we’ll eventually get to... just not now...

[that is so typical]

for now, that one single word: Sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶] means that our fairy tale could not have been written BEFORE the 16th — and possibly even the 17th century — when this now famous essay became more widely available and better known...

[this is the biggest pile of crap I’ve ever heard]

okay, okay... I realize that might sound like a perfectly gratuitous and unnecessary factoid to consider,

[oh absolutely]

it’s just not so far-fetched... in fact, it’s another important clue in our search for the age of the fairytale and the name of its author...

[hmm...]

if you remember back in episode 1,

[no!]

c’mon... in episode 1 I said that we would, indeed, discover that name because “in searching for the Truth within this story we can't help but find the Truth about this story...”

[interesting]

and that concept of the Sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶] is part and parcel of the metaphoric Truth within and about Hansel and Gretel...

[Johnny, is this true? ’cause if it is...]

*🎶*🎶*

PART 6 [41:45]

Teil Sechs: in which we find out exactly what NOT to do when things go south

South, south which is a wind is not rain, does silence choke speech or does it not.

[Excerpt from the poem Tender Buttons, part 3, "Rooms" by Gertrude Stein. Read by Ariane Stolfi, and performed at the Web Audio Conference in Berlin (19-21 September 2018)]

well, this IS the moment in so many fairy tales when we find out what doesn’t work...

[a water gun won’t help much]

see, that, too is integral to the fairy tale genre as well as true to life... we try all the logical things first...

[exactly]

we panic and try the least imaginative stuff...

[certainly]

we repeat the same old mistakes...

[uh huh]

or make bigger ones...

[precisely]

and we often try to outmuscle the problem...

[oh, absolutey]

like getting a bigger boat...

[that’s the first time you’ve done something right]

and we do all this before daring to come to the conclusion that the real solution is the simple solution...

[of course]

the bold solution...

[amen!]

the transformative solution...

[alright already, get on with it!]

something we spend much of our lives ignoring, deprecating, even, or just out and out running away from:

[what??]

Option B

[deep church bell] & [scream]

and while it usually consists in the unthinkable... it’s neither the easy way or the hard way out... just something that until the change in the status quo, would never have occurred to us, despite the fact that it was usually there, staring us right in the face the whole time...

[all I can see is the end]

well, just like the sign that says “in emergency, break glass”, without the emergency of a transformative ordeal, it might not have even been perfectly appropriate...

[have you ever felt like shutting the fuck up?]

bottom line is THE USUAL WAY we’ve always done things NO LONGER WORKS...!

[for the love of everything sacred and holy would you please shut your yapper!]

and the proper solution to that may or may not amount to breaking the glass ceiling, it always amounts to soul-making... which is exactly what Transformation is... and what we’re going to learn from Hansel and Gretel...

[oh no, you can’t be serious; that is some bullshit right there]

[snoring sound]

[hey, hey you!]

alright so maybe I’ve just about put you to sleep with all of this business of definitions and talk of Transformation...

[roger that]

In our next episode we wake up from a sound sleep to the sounds of the woodcutter and his wife in bed doing something other than soul-making...:

[ooh, I like that!]

no, no... they’re just talking...

[dad joke groans]

and what they’re saying amounts to Option A...

[oh no]

the most logical solution they can come up with to the nasty problem gift the deity has brought to their party...

[amen!]

that said, here’s the story so far:

Once upon a time there was a poor woodcutter who lived before a great forest. He had it so rough he could barely feed his wife and his two children. Once, there wasn’t even any more bread, and he was terrified [...]

[awww]

and now here’s what we’re going to work on in Episode 15:

[and finally!!]

[...] so at night in bed his wife said to him: "Early tomorrow, take both children into the woods, give them what's left of the bread, make them a big fire, and then go off and leave them alone.

[crowd-booing]

🎶 Schubert - Six Musical Moments, D. 780 - III. Allegro moderato in F minor 🎶

well, thanks for listening...

I sure hope you’re enjoying the podcast... since I sure as hell enjoy sharing it with you...

and once again, if you would please, please, please share it with someone you think might enjoy it too...

that would make um, like, 4 or 5 of us now...

[I don’t think so]

or is it still just us 2...?

[don’t bother me, can’t you see I’m busy]

[oh my god]

alrighty then... ciao a tutti...

[ciao, ciao]


*Chapter Titles read by Anna Jacobsen*

Music Credits

*🎶*🎶* Bleeping Demo by Kevin MacLeod of filmmusic.io

Saint-Saëns: Carnival of the Animals - VI. Kangaroos, performed by Seattle Youth Symphony - licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 4.0  and courtesy of musopen.org

Schubert: Six Musical Moments, D. 780 - III. Allegro moderato in F minor performed by Sofja Gülbadamova - licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 - and courtesy of musopen.org

Rossini: William Tell Overture - Part III "The Calm" performed by Arthur Pryor's Band (Victor 35121-A Publication Date:1910) - courtesy of the Kahle/Austin Foundation and archive.org


kristo's awesome Peanut Gallery

(most, courtesy of freesound.org)

**ALL sycophantic affirmatives mixed throughout the podcast courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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immature audiences” courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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an exasperated, “oh boy... oh boy...” courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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F-Bombs um, warning thanks to Ame Sanders of stateofinclusion.com

hooray!” courtesy of javapimp and freesound.org
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hmmm, what’s that?” courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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I'll believe THAT when I see it” courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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"Oh God, Oh Jesus" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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knock on the door courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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Go away! courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"yeah" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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champagne cork pop courtesy of ultradust and freesound.org
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hooray!” courtesy of javapimp and freesound.org
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PART 1

why god why?  and Oh, the humanity! courtesy of valusnax and freesound.org
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shut up, mate...” courtesy of arytopia and freesound.org
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what? (guy)” courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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"that’s nice" courtesy of LG and freesound.org
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wearing a lampshade courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"that's correct" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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"blah, blah, blah" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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Are you kidding me?” courtesy of LittleRainySeasons and freesound.org
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oh, no…! courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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scream of frustration courtesy of jorickhoofd and freesound.org
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water splash courtesy of hello_flowers and freesound.org
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oh, no…! courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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Land Shark - SNL

PART 2

"uh oh” (guy) courtesy of DWOBoyle and freesound.org
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"is that so?" courtesy of kurtless and freesound.org
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"you can’t be serious" courtesy of shadowWisp and freesound.org
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that shit is fucked up” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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I want my pizza right now courtesy of Deathstardude and freesound.org
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ALL sycophantic affirmatives mixed throughout the podcast courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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"I don't know..." courtesy of nfrae and freesound.org
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3 women scream  courtesy of thanvannispen and freesound.org
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"so how should I know..." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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um, nope! courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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police / scare / radio courtesy of ERH and freesound.org
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dark laughter courtesy of StudioOneBeatMakers
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"um, I’m not so sure..." courtesy of cognito perceptu
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dirty dishes scream courtesy of thannvannispen and freesound.org
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I hate Mondays courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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oh shit! courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"ew!" courtesy of isabellaquintero97 and freesound.org
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what...?? (girl)" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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"Yikes!" courtesy of jorickhoofd and freesound.org
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"in these moments" courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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guy scream courtesy of Kalibrk and freesound.org
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go to a therapist! courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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"what the hell?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"now, just what do we mean by that...???" - Soupy Sales

oh, no…oh no” courtesy of qubodup and freesound.org
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“what seems to be the problem?” courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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"what are they?" courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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"that’s bad" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"huh...?" courtesy of Adam_N and freesound.org
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EULA - South Park

"boo!" (couple of people) courtesy of jayfrosting and freesound.org
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"Thunder Strike 1 Sound" courtesy of Mike Koenig and soundbible.com
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horror-ambience courtesy of klankbeeld and freesound.org
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"That is so funny" courtesy of Coral_Island_Studios and freesound.org
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you're kidding, right? courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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why the fuck not?” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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OZYMANDIAS courtesy of Neil Carmichael and Wikimedia Commons
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you’re scaring me” courtesy of vanceparley and freesound.org
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deep church bell courtesy of Aeonemi and freesound.org
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ugh-no courtesy of BlueSiren and freesound.org
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"why?!?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"it costs you money" courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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damn...!” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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oh, no…! courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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anger courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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damn you! courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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uh no, no way courtesy of SuddenDice and freesound.org
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horror ambience 2 courtesy of onderwish and freesound.org
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scream-2 courtesy of Hali_Pinson and freesound.org
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"I can't see anything, I don't know where I am" courtesy of IPaddeh and freesound.org
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what are you doing there? courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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"Are you coming, Curtis?" courtesy of IPaddeh and freesound.org
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vinyl needle scratch courtesy of Racche and freesound.org
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it's too late now! courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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PART 3

"I will marry you" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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"um, I think not..." courtesy of scatlin and freesound.org
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I’m sorry, what? courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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audience gasp courtesy of FreqMan and freesound.org
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dark laughter courtesy of StudioOneBeatMakers and freesound.org
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***

Ritual Music:

native hand drum courtesy of sandyrb and freesound.org
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ritual drums courtesy of Manuel.Ed and freesound.org
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native Shaker courtesy of sandyrb and freesound.org
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***

"our daddy was a strict disciplinarian..." courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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"This is gonna suck" courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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"really...?" courtesy of juror2 and freesound.org
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who? courtesy of simons7er and freesound.org
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crazy little man courtesy of vumseplutten1709 and freesound.org
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excuse me…!” courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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ha-ha-right courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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awesome courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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I don't fucking want that courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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where, where, where...?” courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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"interesting..." courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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maybe” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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aw, why?” courtesy of kurtless and freesound.org
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"get out of here" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"why?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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party sounds courtesy of FreqMan and freesound.org
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party horn courtesy of beerre and freesound.org
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I like that!” courtesy of FreqMan / Richard Frohlich and freesound.org
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ugh, that is so not cool...” courtesy of LittleRainySeasons and freesound.org
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nope, forget it” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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"don’t say that...!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"stop grumbling" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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"I'm going to porygonize you, piece by piece" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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oh-no courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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He can think, etc. courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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spaghetti courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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"seriously?" courtesy of metrostock99 and freesound.org
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How? courtesy of simons7er and freesound.org
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hmmm, what’s this?” courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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church chanting courtesy of ramagochi and freesound.org
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"damn, that's good shit!" courtesy of canadianadam and freesound.org
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PART 4

Genesis 1 "in the beginning..." courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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god cryptic puzzle (25:07 & 29:01) courtesy of FioreCorp and freesound.org
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I don’t want to tell you” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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"I don't know mate" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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"ooh!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"what a sucker" courtesy of Coral_Island_Studios and freesound.org
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Church Bells courtesy of freesoundjon01 and freesound.org
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"what did you say that was called?" courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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"yes, I've got an inside job for you" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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I like it (guy) courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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"huh...?" courtesy of Adam_N and freesound.org
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"that’s correct (walkie-talkie)" courtesy of cityrocker and freesound.org
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"I paid five dollars to hear that?!" courtesy of cattygirl100000000000000000000 and freesound.org
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"don’t say that...!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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shortwave: "good enough for me" courtesy of W1ZY and freesound.org
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"the bathroom's in my headquarters..." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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son of a bitch!” courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"I can't see anything, I don't know where I am" courtesy of IPaddeh
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god cryptic puzzle (25:07 & 29:01) courtesy of FioreCorp and freesound.org
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"well, I have to say that I'm tired of searching" courtesy of IPaddeh
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well, guess what courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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PART 5

"God opens the Sea"

"ugh, ew!" courtesy of isabellaquintero97 and freesound.org
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"what?!?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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"you dare to face a goddess…?" courtesy of sagetyrtle and freesound.org
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We’re just friends” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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"my grace is eternal" courtesy of sagetyrtle and freesound.org
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"damn, that's good shit!" courtesy of canadianadam and freesound.org
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"uh oh" courtesy of DWOBoyle and freesound.org
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do I have to? courtesy of PureDesignGirl and freesound.org
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naughty, naughty dog courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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"oh, really?" courtesy of xyahka and freesound.org
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"may my beauty blind you" courtesy of sagetyrtle and freesound.org
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"as expected" courtesy of sagetyrtle and freesound.org
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anything you want courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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ugh, that is so not cool...” courtesy of LittleRainySeasons and freesound.org
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can you see it now?” courtesy of bjohan14 and freesound.org
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I've seen it before courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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Twelve Days of Christmas and 7 swans courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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"oh, and I suppose you think that’s funny, huh..." courtesy of shawshank73 and freesound.org
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what?! courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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"who’s that?" courtesy of iccleste and freesound.org
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"Oh Brother" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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sound of fear courtesy of jorickhoofd and freesound.org
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"I don't know..." courtesy of nfrae and freesound.org
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"what?!?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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William Tell Overture-Part III "The Calm" performed by Arthur Pryor's Band (1910 recording) courtesy of the Kahle/Austin Foundation and archive.org

chicken & ducks courtesy of kyles and freesound.org
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birds & forest courtesy of bajko and freesound.org
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"what?" courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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vinyl needle scratch courtesy of Racche and freesound.org
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"where is your god now?" courtesy of MadamVicious and freesound.org
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"...it’s all complicated” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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oh yeah courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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that’s awesome” courtesy of caylamaureen and freesound.org
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that's right, baby! courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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"Jesus Christ!" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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"whatever..." courtesy of pörnill and freesound.org
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"really...?" courtesy of juror2 and freesound.org
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bollocks, just bollix courtesy of RoivasUGO and freesound.org
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Pizza! courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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Sublime - angelic choir courtesy of bone666138 and freesound.org
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"ja, ja, it's okay..." courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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"who cares?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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I don't have time for this!” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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_______

Richard III Act 5 Scene 4 "A horse..." with David Nicol as Richard, Duke of Gloucester
courtesy of archive.org & Librivox.org / Librivox recording license: Creative Commons 0 License

_____________

roger that” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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what kind of crap is this? courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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fer sure” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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"pseudointellectual-bullshit" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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I don't think so (girl)” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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that is so typical courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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Sublime - angelic choir courtesy of bone666138 and freesound.org
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this is the biggest pile of crap courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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"hmm..." courtesy of agent vivid and freesound.org
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"interesting..." courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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Is this true...?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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PART 6

South, south etc.” courtesy of tender_buttons and freesound.org
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"a water gun won't help much" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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"that's the first time you've done something right" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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alright already! courtesy of metrostock99 and freesound.org
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what?! courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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"all I can see is the end" courtesy of thatjeffcarter and freesound.org
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have you ever felt like shutting the fuck up? courtesy of Kodack and freesound.org
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...shut your yapper! courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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oh no, you can't be serious courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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sound of snoring courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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hey-hey-you courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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roger that courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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I Like that courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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oh no courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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"awww" courtesy of vahdenaand freesound.org
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and, finally!! courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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crowd booing courtesy of tim.kahn and freesound.org
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I don't think so (girl)” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution License

"don't bother me..." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons 0 License

"oh my God!" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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"ciao, ciao" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons 0 License


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Episode 13 - We're gonna need a bigger boat / Episode 15 - The Nuclear Powered Toaster Oven