In episode 15 we deconstruct some famous celebrity recipes and then go shopping for used cars and kitchen appliances
Part 1 [04:08] - in which we learn the original recipe for baking gingerbread cookies
Part 2 [11:33] - in which we cook up some Ayahuasca, hallucinate a scene from the Godfather, and find a month old box of Chinese take-out, um, fermenting, in the back of the fridge
Part 3 [17:35] - in which we re-boot our computers, er, I mean homefires, rent Angels with Dirty Faces, and then go kick some tires on a used car lot
Part 4 [35:11] - in which we discover that this recipe calls for goat meat, comes right out of a famous celebrity cookbook, and involves a Bond Girl
Part 5 [48:19] - in which we meet the inventor of the nuclear powered toaster oven
🤖 [Warning] 🤖
[the following presentation is intended only for immature audiences]
[indeed!]
😇 🎶 heavenly choir 🎶 😇
["And God said 'Let there be F-Bombs' — And they were good — And they multiplied — Right here, in this podcast…"]
☢︎ 💣 [nuclear alarm and blast] 💣 ☢︎
🎶 Anachronist 🎶
Hi, and welcome to episode 15 of the Hansel and Gretel Code...
[Ciao]
In our last episode we found out that the Famine facing our Woodcutter family was an act, er, gift of God meant to bring about Transformation...
[often times it takes tragedy to bring out the best in people]
unfortunately, getting our Woodcutter terrified was necessary, and not only for the sake of the story... see, this was a cheeky way for the author to indicate the actual presence of the deity, via the literary concept known as: the Sublime... [🎶 angelic choir 🎶]
the Sublime [🎶 angelic choir 🎶]
[ahem]
was a favorite artistic flourish of Sturm und Drang Romanticism... and what it amounts to is the shocking and very entertaining combination of holiness and horror... ...
[life! life! do you hear me? give my creation life!]
we also learned that all such divine, er, gifts put an abrupt end to the status quo...
[uh oh!]
[a crash of glass]
and they do that by forcing us to accompany the deity to his or her favorite hangout...
[restaurant ambience]
you know the one... it’s that crappy joint with only 2 items on the menu: a rock and a hard place...
[painful moaning]
in other words we get stuck having to choose between those 2 famous hardball options... Option A: surrender to the new status quo on its nasty and punishing terms...
[do not try to run — do not try to escape]
or Option B:
[Option B bell and scream]
take the road less traveled... a terrifying, even dangerous path towards personal transformation and a growth in Consciousness...
[my name is Frankenstein!]
okay before we go any further down THIS road, let’s just listen to the story so far:
Es war einmal ein armer Holzhacker, der wohnte vor einem großen Wald.
Es ging ihm gar jämmerlich, daß er kaum seine Frau, und seine zwei Kinder ernähren konnte.
Einsmals hatte er auch kein Brod mehr und war in großer Angst [...]
__________
Once upon a time there was a poor woodcutter who lived before a great forest.
He had it so rough he could barely feed his wife and his two children.
Once, there wasn’t even any more bread, and he was terrified [...]
[aww]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 1 [04:08]
Teil Eins: in which we learn the original recipe for baking gingerbread cookies
[have a cupcake!]
okay, ready to dig into the next line of the fairy tale?
[no!]
oh dear..., well, here goes:
[...] da sprach seine Frau Abends in Bett zu ihm:
nimm die beiden Kinder morgen früh und führ sie in den großen Wald, gib ihnen das noch übrige Brod, und mach' ihnen ein groß Feuer an und danach geh weg und laß sie allein.
__________
[...] so at night in bed his wife said to him:
"Early tomorrow, take both children into the woods, give them what's left of the bread, make them a big fire, and then go off and leave them alone."
[that not good]
true, dat... Still, you gotta admit, the wife’s suggestion is actually a practical (albeit patho-logical), step by step plan for dealing with the new status quo... one that’s characterized by famine — with its naturally horrific consequence of death by starvation...
[I want my pizza right now, I am very hungry]
and make no mistake, she’s talking Option A here: which means accepting death by starvation, except — just like a politician working one of those smoke filled, back rooms — she’ll accept starvation alright, just so long as it means she doesn’t have to be the one doing any of the starving...
[a couple of people booing]
what’s most striking of course is that her suggestion is practical alright... it’s anything but motherly.
and yet looked at with the eyes of a mafioso — or a politician — it’s not only practical, it has a certain logic to it...
[killing to me is like taking out the garbage; I don’t like doin’ it, but it’s gotta be done.]
it’s been said that women are much more practical about life, and they see things much more plainly than men...
[you require US to give you purpose]
us guys very often miss the obvious because psychologically, we tend to have a preference for the filibuster...
[blah, blah, blah, etc...]
we’re masters of procrastination, and we’ll use all sorts of prolonged and convoluted abstractions — pretending to ourselves and everyone else that we’re actually doing something important and useful...
[that’s uh, not funny...]
although when push comes to shove we often put on our stupid hats and jump right in with some reckless, impulsive action...
[roger that]
our first thought — if you can call it thinking — is to try and outmuscle the problem... you know... we run out to the Big Box Store to get a bigger hammer, a bigger boat or just a bigger bottle of booze...
[fer-sure!]
getting back to this woman though, while she may fit the stereotype of female practicality, she's nowhere near the stereotype of Motherhood —
[what is wrong with this picture?]
what Jung would call the Mother archetype...
[hmm, what is that?]
a woman who would sacrifice anything and everything — including her own life — for the sake of her children.
[I know, I know, I know]
and that’s why I think we can all agree: listening in on the solution she’s proposing is a pretty jarring experience...
[oooh! fuggedaboudit!]
sure as hell, she’s not meeting any of our normal expectations of mothers and motherhood... and by all accounts that immediately makes her the villain of the story...
[boos and hisses]
although before we start casting stones, and castigating her as the monster of this foursquare family, let’s examine her suggestion without bringing any sort of emotional judgment into the mix.
[why!?]
If we just dismiss it out of hand as selfish and cruel, we’re gonna miss a surprisingly fruitful opportunity to unpack and analyze her plan as metaphor.
[oh, is it meta four? I thought it was meta three... So that means it’s even MORE expensive. Oh my God...! O my God!]
and remember from Episode 10
[no!]
that the basic metaphor we’re using for the family is that it represents a single whole Consciousness... with each family member representing one of the 4 so-called functions of Consciousness:
Thinking, Feeling, Intuition and Sensation
in other words, this family is a metaphoric mirror of our own, personal Consciousness and she, the mother, will eventually have to be identified as one of those 4 functions... or maybe one of the 4 Temperaments just as we discussed in that same Episode:
(Sanguine, Melancholic, Choleric and Phlegmatic)
[whatever]
one thing we can know, almost for certain, is that her cold-blooded suggestion to get rid of the kids means that out of those 4 functions, there’s one that she sure as hell isn’t:
[what’s that?]
and that’s the Feeling function...
[hmmm]
as far as which of the other 3 she might be, there’s no way for us to tell right now...
[why the fuck not?]
well, this is the first time we learn anything at all about her character and personality, and while this plan of hers gives us our first little bit of valuable information in that direction we’re going to need way more evidence — in the form of her behavior and all the things she says — in order to make a definitive ID
[how long is this gonna take?]
hey this is only episode 15... and there are probably more than 100 to go...
[you’re kidding right?]
hey, I’ve already told you, this fairytale is so densely packed with metaphoric meaning and intent, it’s gonna take us over 100 episodes to unpack it all...
[alright already, get on with it...!]
so what she’s doing right now is giving us deeper insight into her personality: she’s reciting a list of logical, practical steps for cooking up a solution to the problem of famine, almost as if she were reciting a recipe for baking, um, say, gingerbread cookies...
[dad joke groans]
[factory baked goodness in every little bite]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 2 [11:33]
Teil Zwei: in which we cook up some Ayahuasca, hallucinate a scene from the Godfather, and find a month old box of Chinese take-out, um, fermenting, in the back of the fridge
[this doesn’t smell quite the way I expected]
okay so let’s break down her Option A recipe:
step 1) take both children into the woods
well, since we’re pretty clear on the fact that the woods are a good symbol for the Unconscious, this step means deliberately entering the Unconscious with all 4 aspects or functions of Consciousness intact... and that makes it a very clear and conscious decision — as opposed to just carelessly and indulgently slipping into unconsciousness on recreational drugs or booze.
[I like that!]
that makes it kinda shamanic... like an Ayahuasca ceremony...
[shamanic rattle]
although given the cultural milieu we’re talking about, you’d have to say this makes it sound an awful lot more like straight up witchcraft...
[sound of boiling / bubbling]
[a witchy laugh]
well, let’s not go there, not right now...
let’s just understand that entering the Unconscious also means entering the new Status Quo: which always implies a future that’s largely unknown, if not completely unknowable... all we can ever know about a new Status Quo is always just a guess... and in the case of real Catastrophe or just plain old Bad News, any predictions we make are pure speculation based on whatever past experience of suffering we’ve had and whatever expectations our imagination dreams up...
[oh my god, look it’s coming back]
since this new Status Quo involves famine and the prospect of death by starvation, it’s understandable that the default option would be to rush out and buy up all the toilet paper in sight...
[a confused "what???"]
er, I mean panic, and then desperately flail about for self-preservation — all of which means going with Option A...
[sounds of a stampede]
except look at her...! SHE’S not panicking...
[oooh]
she sees the writing on the wall, and she understands that a surrender to the new Status Quo on its terms involves shrinking her family, and therefore shrinking Consciousness, not growing it...
[not good]
okay, next, there’s step 2) give the children what’s left of the bread
[hmm]
This is more than slightly curious since it amounts to a real sacrifice... I mean, what is she doing — giving away all the rest of the bread...???
[so how should I know? who even cares?]
it doesn’t exactly fit with her role as villain, does it...?
[well, I, I don’t know]
well I suppose we could think of it as a kind of subterfuge — something to trick the children into believing in the continuity of parental care...
[naturally]
I mean, you’ve gotta do something to prevent their active resistance...
[of course]
you don’t want them to know what’s coming...
[unquestionably]
otherwise you’d have to drag them into the woods kicking and screaming...
[indubitably]
and then you’d have to make sure they got lost...
[oh absolutely]
in fact, you’d probably even have to tie them down...
[by all means]
it doesn’t seem to fit the metaphor...
[yup!]
which I’d have to admit must be my fault...
[amen!]
but that happens sometimes... as much as I’d like, I just can’t explain everything —
[uh, excuse you]
except to say that maybe subterfuge is just logical... you know: the smart move... like Tessio turning traitor and trying to lure Michael to a friendly meeting with Don Barzini...
[uh, oh]
the only other thing I can come up with — besides the idea of subterfuge — is that giving the last of the bread to the kids might mean a twinge of conscience...
I can’t help remembering a fairly common ritual in our house whenever we had to throw out food... you know, leftovers that had gotten lost in the back of the fridge for a few weeks, and certainly vegetables that had gone bad...
[Nobody Move Nobody Gets Hurt, see...]
uh, not that kinda bad... you know, just, uh bad...
[activating deoderizer]
my mother would say a little prayer of apology and even give them an air kiss before throwing them in the kitchen garbage bag... it’s a memory that sticks with me... although I gotta say I don’t do that with food... I just toss it... I do it with insects, though... I just can’t help saying “sorry” when I kill a spider... flies and mosquitos, no! I hate those stupid things...
[sound of a violin]
[SPLAT!]
[much better]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 3 [17:35]
Teil drei: in which we re-boot our computers, er, I mean homefires, rent Angels with Dirty Faces, and then go kick some tires on a used car lot
[I don’t lie. Take a fuckin’ car like this, a 1966 Ford, a Country Squire 9-5 station wagon. Don’t worry about the equipment. Imagine all the fun you can have in the back. And while you’re doin’ it...]
alrighty then — moving right along, let’s continue our examination of the mother’s Option A recipe for surviving a famine...
[all right, if you insist]
step 3) build them a big fire
now this sounds like a pretty logical, nondescript detail... and just like step 2, it must be more logical subterfuge to fool the kids, plus another small sacrifice...
[oh absolutely]
it turns out though, that this detail is historically and culturally interesting — and anything but nondescript.
[oh are they doing that on purpose?]
well yeah, and that’s because, in German cultural tradition, there’s a well-known ritual called the Notfeuer...
[ja, ja, it’s okay]
so this tradition of the Need or Emergency Fire might hold some real significance here...
[no, um, I’m not so sure]
fact is, there are extensive descriptions of the Notfeuer in both Frazer's Golden Bough and Jacob Grimm's Teutonic Mythology...
[let’s read]
uh, let’s not...
the basic concept is this: everyone extinguishes all the fires in every single household of a village or town and its outskirts, and then they all gather as a group to kindle one new fire... everyone would then use that community fire to reignite their own hearth. In other words, they would all re-boot the home fires in their community from that one new fire...
This was a pretty serious ritual carried out at certain set times of the year, including the solstices and Easter, as well as the first Sunday of Lent, but as the name suggests, it was also considered a remedy to be used in case of emergency... emergencies meaning natural disasters such as epidemics — especially those involving livestock, but also, you guessed it: in the case of famine...
[ooh]
in the Middle Ages, this Notfeuer business was a classic application of pagan ritual in a time of grave need, when no other logical or more modern and orthodox technology seemed obviously helpful or likely to remedy the situation.
[interesting]
and that’s part of a theme running throughout the entire tapestry of our fairytale... a theme that plays on the contrast between the more intuitive, pagan ways of the early Germans, and the more logical mindset of Germans and Germany after Christianization...
[🎶 church bells 🎶]
The fact that these fires were also lit in accordance with the Christian calendar speaks to a very specific aspect of that same theme... something known in academic and theologic circles as Syncretism:
[what the fuck does that mean?]
the appropriation and re-naming of native / primal / pagan ritual by Vatican missionaries to ease the process of Christian conversion as it gradually made its way further and further north of the Alps.
[🎶 yodeling 🎶]
in other words, syncretism is a fancy word for the kind of subterfuge employed by the missionaries to get the locals to go along with the program (and keep them there)... you know, instead of having to drag them kicking and screaming into Christianity, and then tying them down to keep them from wandering back home to their gods and goddesses...
[amen!]
(hmmm... is it just me, or does that sound familiar somehow...?)
[no!]
well, this business of syncretism was specifically advocated by Pope Gregory I in a letter he wrote to a certain french Bishop or Abbot known as honey or sweetie...er Mellitus...
[oh brother...]
I think it’s worth our while to hop on the Time Machine for a brief trip back to June 17th 601 so we can read a snippet of that flowery little missive...
[door lock beep]
[okay, here we go]
[engine sounds]
[keep all limbs and extremities within the confines of the vehicle]
[enjoy your journey]
[sounds of coughing]
[creaky door opens]
[this is gonna suck]
[door closes]
...quid diu mecum de causa Anglorum cogitans tractavi....
uh, forget it... even the English translations of Gregory’s Latin are practically unreadable...
[roger that]
*** just in case you're interested, you can read an english translation of it here***
in essence, Gregory had decided that instead of destroying the temples and sacred groves of the British heathens, and putting an end to their rituals, it was way sneakier, er I mean smarter and more logical, to leave it all be, and just rename everything... and that’s the kind of subterfuge Italians would call:
[spaghetti]
uh, no... the word is “furbo...”
[euw, well isn’t it just Mr. Fancy Words]
Mellitus was on his way to England to help in the conversion of all of those dumb ass Brits...
[unbelieveable!]
um oops, sorry... see Gregory really did fancy the Brits, even though he called them hard headed in his letter... i.e. people of "duris mentibus..."
[unbelieveable]
***if you're interested in the original Latin, you can find it here***
in fact this mission to convert the Brits had come about because years before, Gregory was smitten with the idea of having all those lovely Brits in the Vatican family...
[why thank you]
and we know this because of something that was written about Gregory a century or so later... so let’s hop back on the Time Machine and head off to the year 731, when the Venerable Bede had just finished his lengthy, but popular: Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum
The Ecclesiastical History of the English People...
[you ready? here we go]
[doors closing]
[standing passengers, please do not lean against the doors]
[ouch!]
in Book 2 Chapter 1 of that medieval bestseller, Bede wrote an entertaining little anecdote about Gregory from a time before he became pope...
[sounds of the mercato in Rome's Campo de' Fiori]
Bede tells us that back in the year 573 Gregory was visiting a typical, um, farmer’s market in Rome... now maybe he was there to pick up some cheese and apples, or to find a new hat... or maybe just to do some window shopping... Bede doesn’t specify... he just says that there were all sorts of lovely items for sale, among them:
...some boys, their bodies white, their hair beautiful. Having seen them, Gregory asked 'Ma, di dove vengono? what country do they come from,' and was told: from the island of Britain, where everyone looks like them. Then he asked 'Ma, sono Cristiani? are they Christian, or are they still entangled in pagan errors.' Pagans, was the reply. Fetching a deep sigh from the very bottom of his kind heart Gregory said 'Ma, che pene!' <<< Wow, what a penis! >>> - er, I mean 'Che penA Oh the pain of it... that such bright faces should still be held by the author of darkness... and that behind such graceful features are minds that know nothing of God.' Then he asked, ‘Ma, come si chiamono? what is the name of these people...?’ Angli, was the answer... to which Gregory said 'Ah, che bello...Nice...! they have the faces of angeli...and deserve to inherit heaven with the angeli...’
***you can read one English translation of this passage here***
***you can also read the Latin for yourself here***
In plenty of places this anecdote has been shortened to: “They’re not Angles, they’re angels, if only they were Christian...” and Bede, of course, had likely intended this anecdote to make the sainted Gregory sound as wise and witty as he, uh, undoubtedly was...
[oh my]
and yet, for our purposes, as I said, Bede’s work was very popular in the Middle Ages, and was well known and widely read for a good millenium... and so this anecdote was probably as well known in Europe as George Washington’s “I cannot tell a lie” business was in the U.S....
so could it be that our fairytale author intended for you and me to find this ancient anecdote in between the lines of the story?
[no sir!]
well this admittedly convoluted, but more than faintly intuitive connection between Gregory, syncretism, and our woodcutter’s wife may not be as far-fetched as it might seem to some folks... in fact, having us see it as slightly off-color might even have been the author’s intention...
[pirate says: what a load of bollocks]
hey, just sayin’
well, after that seemingly gratuitous trip to read about Gregory’s chaste and innocent preference for blondes...
[don’t say that!]
let’s get serious... we’re still talking about syncretism...
this was apparently a very big change from the missionary position, er I mean standard missionary tactics...
[dad joke groans]
see, not unlike the Taliban, Vatican missionaries weren’t shy about the extensive use of force: their approach was to convert the local big shot and then get him to smash, destroy, and forbid anything and everything from the local heathen past... and this also included executions in order to make sure everyone was on the same page...
[what!?!]
if you remember back in Episode 3
[no!]
we read the fairytale-like story of St. Boniface, the patron saint of and missionary to Germany — and how he became the most famous woodcutter in all of Germany by cutting down the most famous, sacred tree in all of Germany... all for the sake of converting those heathen Germans to Christianity...
[oh yeah]
well, at least no young boys were um, mentioned in the process...
[group-shocked]
although, I don’t know how you feel about trees,
[sound of tree chopping]
but just imagine somebody coming along to start chopping down those giant California Redwoods or Sequoias...
[tree crashes]
or how about somebody building a pipeline on sacred land
[construction noises]
or fracking the hell out of the rest of the country... all for the sake of converting us to the worship of their one Almighty god... um, you know the one...
[cha ching...!]
well, given that syncretism means a lot less destruction of property... it’s still quite a paradoxical strategy...
[how?]
think about it... it amounts to a bunch of keen logical minds making shrewd use of the obviously irrational and pre-civilized practices of the local yokels...
to those same logical minds, the naive, unscientific nature of the Notfeuer must still stand out as ridiculous and superstitious, if not just the slightest bit dangerous... after all, it was still a pagan magical ritual having more in common with witchcraft than Christianity...
although speaking of magic ritual, it’s not terribly far removed from that famous modern ritual of kicking the tires on a prospective purchase at a used car lot...
[huh?]
and as we all know, as stereotypical and useless an act as that is, most guys would still feel compelled to perform that ritual in the heat of dubious battle with a stereotypical used car salesman...
utterly useless, unscientific, and illogical, right...?
[I don’t think you know]
and yet it’s something that even the most logical and über-educated person might still do... and that’s because both rituals, the Notfeuer and kicking the tires are acts of Intuition... and that’s something we’re going to delve deeper into as the story progresses...
[must we?]
well, not kicking the tires so much as speaking about Intuition...
just remember that Intuition and Logical Thinking are 2 of those 4 functions of Consciousness... so what I’m getting at here is that the woman’s proposed recipe for surviving this famine has its own logic... and while that means she could possibly be identified as the logical, Thinking Function... she’s muddying those waters...
[how?]
logic implies a direct connection between cause and effect... and the effect she’s looking for is to get rid of those 2 extra mouths to feed... so that must mean she’s being very logical...
intuition, however, is all about making connections that might defy logic, but that eventually prove to be genuine and correct, as well as mind and eye opening...
[keep your eyes open, boys]
since it’s not so far-fetched for us to take the wife's suggestion of building a fire and connecting it to the Notfeuer... could she actually be Intuition...?
[(giggle) - I don’t know]
well, it’s tough to say because we still don’t know enough about her... yet bringing the Notfeuer and Pope Gregory and Syncretism into the discussion of this step means WE’RE the ones making the intuitive connections... so, nice going you Intuitives out there...
[a half-hearted: yay]
ok... let’s move on and keep kicking the tires on this fairytale...
[and while you’re doin’ it imagine ALL the money that that bald-headed prick #beep# is gonna be making on the car he’s trying to fuck you out of. Yes, the man who would take every dime out of...]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 4 [35:11]
Teil vier: in which we discover that this recipe calls for goat meat, comes right out of a famous celebrity cookbook, and involves a Bond Girl
[please remember to check all weapons and personal items at the front desk]
the final step of the wife’s recipe calls for going off and leaving the children in the woods
[jesus christ!]
metaphorically, this implies a return to Consciousness without two of our 4 Functions...
[i’m sorry, what?]
this one is tough to explain for more than a few reasons...
[do you give up now?]
one reason is that, short of brain surgery, or a lobotomy, you can't just eliminate one or more Functions of the mind when you have no use for them...
[I’m going to be doing some cerebral implants today]
another reason is that the whole functions of Consciousness concept may still be too murky for a lot of folks to accept...
[for good reason]
I have to admit this step makes much more sense if you’re up to speed on all of that Meyers-Briggs business of personality types, because as I said in Episode 10, this amounts to an entirely new and innovative way to understand Hansel and Gretel...
[bollocks, just bollocks]
and if you’re not all that familiar with the Meyers-Briggs business, have never heard of it — or even if you’re among those who think it’s utterly bogus — I promise that this fairytale is going to give you a key insight into Meyers-Briggs Typology and those Four Functions of Consciousness that you can’t possibly get from any books, lectures or even the sharpest critiques of the subject...
[hmmmm]
that said, it’s still helpful to know that according to the theory, we each have all four of those functions — which are, in essence, filters through which we take in reality — how we know what we know...
[when will I know?]
and we each tend to predominantly use and rely on just 2 of those functions... which then tend to define our preferred style of interacting with the world and reality... in other words, our personality... and personality is defined by how we tend to act and how we tend to think, as well as what we tend to consider important...
[I miss your smell]
we can never lose any of the functions we don’t like or think we have no use for...
[oh really?]
they can, however, be repressed or neglected... but they don’t exactly atrophy... they just kind of retreat into the background of the personality — and of Consciousness... in other words, they become Unconscious by sinking into it...
[I’m melting, melting]
for example: touchy feely types — who tend to filter reality through the Feeling Function — may imagine they have no capacity to be cold and calculating...
[your misery empowers me]
the same is true for über-logical types — like Mr. Spock, their reliance on the Thinking function makes them so very, very logical...
[fascinating]
believe it or not, those neglected capacities — and the functions that drive them — are still active: in the Unconscious... and so they pretty much jump out when we least expect it,
[ooh!]
and BECAUSE they’re lurking in the Unconscious — doing God knows what — you and I have no conscious control over them...
[naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty dog]
so as I said, even the most logical person among us can’t help kicking the tires...
[sound of tire kicks x3]
in Jungian terms, those functions lurking in the Unconscious constitute what he called a person’s Shadow... the stuff about yourself that you don’t really see or are aware of, but that everybody else notices...
[oh - my - god! Becky, look at her butt!]
putting Jung aside for now though
[good idea!]
another way to understand this step in the recipe is to see it as a psychological defense mechanism...
[oh boy, oh boy... oh boy...]
and while there are any number of these described in the literature, the one called dissociation seems to fit the current situation...
[what did you say that was called?]
Dissociation has been described as a
Temporary drastic modification of one's personal identity or character to avoid emotional distress
In the case of our fairytale, dissociating from the children is a literal defense against starvation and one hell of a drastic response to the sudden and distressing change in the Status Quo...
[roger that]
Despite the actual impossibility of eliminating or killing off one or more of the 4 cognitive functions — as this woman is metaphorically bent on doing — this step implies another form of dissociation that all cultures have turned to in the face of frightening changes in the Status Quo:
[what’s that?]
Scapegoating — both the actual and conceptual variety...
[please call us at 1-800-goatlove, that’s 1-800-G-O-A-T-L-U-V. Thank you for your time, and thank you again for speaking with the goat lovers association]
[ahem]
in fact, her way of dealing with the new Status Quo is a near exact replica of the recipe for scapegoating as outlined in Leviticus 16...
of course that Leviticus recipe calls for a literal goat... and Leviticus, well, that ain’t just a quick little recipe thrown together by some random short order cook — something on the order of Cranberry Sauce à la Bart
no, this is the Old Testament — a celebrity cookbook if there ever was one... and the recipe for scapegoating — which includes 34 verses of very specific and detailed instructions — comes straight from the mouth of the big cheese and chef of chefs: Yahweh, or Big Jaws himself...
(Leviticus 16: 21-22)
21 Then Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins, putting them on the head of the goat, and sending it away into the wilderness by means of someone designated for the task.
22 The goat shall bear on itself all their iniquities to a barren region; and the goat shall be set free in the wilderness.
[something tells me that’s not funny]
although, I don’t know what the hell Jaws was thinking here... apparently you couldn’t just set the goat free... sometimes it had to be nudged off a cliff, you know, to keep it from wandering back home — the way Hansel and Gretel manage to do...
[huh?]
Well, that’s scapegoating for you...
[this is disgusting...I love it!]
of course, those sins had to be represented symbolically, probably with some sort of wreath around the goat’s neck... kinda like the albatross in Rime of the Ancient Mariner
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
and transferring them to a goat makes scapegoating about as irrational a sort of ritual defense mechanism as ever there was...
[on every fucking level]
[ahem]
Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.
Indeed, more modern and popularly accepted methods of scapegoating, profiling, and plain old pinning the blame on some patsy amount to the very same thing.
[yeah, so what?]
well, the important thing in making an intuitive connection between this step in the recipe and scapegoating, is to see how turning to an irrational sort of ritual is a typical response of mankind in the face of stress or Catastrophe...
in other words: we all tend to throw up our hands and reach for some sort of defense mechanism — whichever one seems handiest — all in accordance with Option A...
[everybody put your hands up in the air]
[that’s a direct order, do it now]
[Yes sir!]
now, in addition to the more metaphoric theme of scapegoating, there’s another even more logically obvious theme written into this step of the recipe:
[what?]
literal child abandonment.
[ya do whatcha gotta do, you know...]
which is something we’ll certainly have more to say about in later episodes... right here and now, though, our intuition has gotten hold of one of the earliest records of child abandonment ever written... and it comes outta that same cookbook... in other words, it’s a famous case of child abandonment as sanctioned by Jaws himself — good old Yahweh, in the Old Testament...
[what’s that you say?]
I’m talking about the story of Sarah and Abraham, and their somewhat disturbing treatment of Abe’s first wife or concubine, Hagar, and their son, Ishmael!!
[ooh]
(Genesis 21:9-14)
9 And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, scoffing.
10 Therefore she said to Abraham, 'Cast out this bondwoman and her son; for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac.'
11 And the matter was very displeasing in Abraham’s sight... because of his son.
12 But God said to Abraham, 'Do not let it be displeasing in your sight because of the lad or because of your Bond Girl er, bondwoman. Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice....'
14 So Abraham rose early in the morning, and took bread and a skin of water; and putting it on her shoulder, he gave it and the boy to Hagar, and sent her away. Then she departed and wandered in the Wilderness of Beersheba.
[sound of goats]
so, not only does this sound an awful lot like scapegoating, what it really means is that we’ve just discovered something very new in our work of decoding the metaphors of this fairytale...
[really?]
this 4th step of the wife’s recipe amounts to a kind of meme or meta-theme involving the bible... in particular: a near perfect allusion to specific chapters and verses of the bible...
[oh, and I suppose you think that’s funny...!]
uh no... I think it’s amazing and super-important...! and it’s something we’ll have plenty to say about... um, just not now...
[that’s so typical]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 5 [48:19]
Teil fünf: in which we meet the inventor of the nuclear powered toaster oven
[sound of air raid siren + nuclear alarm + blast + toaster oven bell]
Now I don’t think we’re getting too far ahead of ourselves here if we see that this woman’s proposal is actually a bald-faced suggestion to sacrifice the two children to the witch...
[holy shit...!]
yup, it’s almost as if she knew the witch existed...
[aha!]
and while that may sound like some juicy little conspiracy theory, whether she knew about the witch or not isn’t quite the point... because what I’m getting at here is the psychological fact that this recipe marks the witch as her Shadow — the Shadow being that complex Jungian trope many people may or may not have any interest in — or have even heard of... and yes, I’m bringing in Jung again...
[not again...!]
not because I’m a slave to his theories... It’s just that his theory regarding Shadow fits the metaphor of this scenario, almost to a T... see, Shadow wasn’t just something he pulled out of his rear end...
[ugh, ew!]
Shadow was his interpretation of a story-line he’d observed over and over in the dreams of his patients, and in fairytales — which he considered the dreams of our culture... and if you’re totally unfamiliar with the concept — or even find it the slightest bit hinky — this fairytale is going to make it easy-peasy to understand — as well as more difficult to deny... and that’s because the intuitive connection we’re seeing between the gingerbread witch and the woman of this fairytale is a terrific example of what Jung meant by Shadow...
so, as Soupy Sales was wont to say:
[now, just whadda we mean by that?]
as Jung observed, the Shadow is something forever lurking in our Personal Unconscious...
[look behind you]
and it always grows more powerful at the expense of Consciousness — just the way the gingerbread witch expects to thrive at the expense of our four-square woodcutter family... and sacrificing to or feeding the Shadow — which happens whenever we repress Conscious contents — is how Consciousness gets depleted...
in other words, we feed Shadow whenever we employ some sketchy psychological defense mechanism to avoid having to deal with or even think about all sorts of important things — difficult or complex issues and circumstances that tax our abilities and our imagination...
[I hate Mondays]
or that just scare the bejeezus out of us...
[the bathroom’s in my headquarters... hasn’t been cleaned in months]
now the thing is, defense mechanisms are often appropriate — if not vital — especially for children who are forced to deal with varying levels and types of abuse at the hands of adults...
[that shit is fucked up]
for us as adults though, defense mechanisms are concessions to Shadow, and most often constitute a problematic step backwards for Consciousness, as we allow ourselves to become a little more deaf, dumb and blind to responsibilities we’d rather not have...
[shut up mate, you’re boring]
As a very dark method for dealing with the adult responsibilities that famine imposes, the various steps of this woman’s recipe make the whole thing a form of black magic... and a kind of deal with the devil...
[nonsense!]
not of the Faustian kind, which is actually for the sake of greater Knowledge, Experience and Consciousness — but for the sake of convenience, which is one of the chief products of all technology...
[ooh... good!]
and certainly, black magic — or any form of witchcraft — counts as a kind of medieval technology for dealing with life’s problems and responsibilities...
[I would like a dozen more chimpanzees to be delivered by tomorrow]
this woman’s 4 step recipe also amounts to a mind numbing acceptance of Option A... which is always an appeasement of Shadow...
[do not try to run / do not try to escape / enter the trains in an orderly manner]
[yes sir!]
and just like the witch, waiting and lurking deep in our woodcutter’s forest, Shadow acts as an illegitimate, rogue authority forever active in our Personal Unconscious — always hungry, and always ready to gobble up any and all crumbs of Consciousness we clumsily let fall, or willingly throw away...
[yes, yes! this is the most important part]
this may sound extreme, but whenever we act out of greed, laziness or fear — whenever we compromise our integrity — we’re feeding or sacrificing to Shadow... in other words, we’re losing or throwing away a certain amount of Consciousness...
and yet this happens every day... we’re all used to compromising on little things — the dirty dishes of life — hey, convenience, and even procrastination isn’t such a terrible thing... we’re only human after all...
[that’s right, baby]
but when it comes to the big, important moments in our lives... the stuff that really counts... the big responsibilities that end the status quo and stick us right between a rock and a hard place... we’re so used to compromising, we’re only too ready to go with Option A, the default option, and accept the new Status Quo on its terms...
[put your hands on your head and get down on the ground]
[yes sir!]
Option B —
[sound of our Option B Bell and Scream]
— what’s otherwise known as the Hero’s Journey — is a genuinely risky step up in Consciousness and Maturity... it normally seems so far out of our league, we automatically presume it’s too difficult, or too far fetched to even consider...
[that’s correct (walkie talkie)]
just know, the choices we make in things big and small have profound implications, both for ourselves as individuals, and for the culture at large, because Shadow is also lurking in the Culture... it’s what Jung would call our Collective Shadow... and that Collective Shadow — like earth’s gravity — is a constant force pulling us all in the direction that it dictates...
[hold the handrail, stand still, and face the direction of travel]
[yes sir!]
the fact that there are various Cultures across the globe, and even cultures within cultures makes no difference... each culture has its own Shadow... and for us as individuals to overcome that force of the Collective Shadow means choosing Option B...
[sound of our Option B Bell and Scream]
which we all know, takes a helluva lot of strength, will-power, and um, intestinal fortitude...
[uh, you mean balls?]
[ahem]
it also takes grace...
and when grace has completely run out — as it has for our woodcutter family — it means that grace itself has been sacrificed or lost to the Collective Shadow... making its power near absolute... and that’s when the Culture itself becomes problematic...
[enter, you pathetic morons]
now this is really interesting, because the fact that Culture is a collective phenomenon and Consciousness is individual means that we might as well consider Culture to be our Collective Consciousness... and that’s something I don’t ever recall coming across in my reading of Jung...
the idea of Culture becoming problematic isn’t at all far-fetched... business people are always bringing up the idea of some Corporate Culture becoming toxic...
[stop grumbling and get it done!]
so just what is Culture...?
[so how should I know, who even cares]
Culture, as a collective phenomenon, is a Status Quo with norms and rituals and technologies that serve to identify and define it...
Culture is a Status Quo that changes with the speed of a glacier... but change it does... and just like Consciousness it can move forward or backwards...
[backing up beep]
and while those technologies, in particular, may be currently advancing at an increasingly rapid pace, Culture itself — as a kind of Collective Consciousness — is only advanced or improved by individuals choosing Option B —
[sound of our Option B Bell and Scream]
— the Hero’s Journey — and in effect, becoming more Conscious themselves...
[that’s it!]
the big mistake we all make is to imagine that Culture is improved by advances in technology... instead, all that’s improved and advanced is Convenience and Efficiency...
[Awesome!]
our post-modern Culture champions Technology and it does that by funding education in the STEM subjects and in enterprises that promise ever more bold advances in technology...
[Yowza!]
the money only goes where the culture dictates... and this culture dictates profitability above all things...
[Wicked!]
which is, after all, very practical...
[yeah, that’s right]
Unfortunately, technology is only improved and advanced by the very practical matter of sacrificing parts of ourselves in order to achieve specialized expertise... to get really, really good at something...
[fer sure!]
In modern western culture, we don’t aim to become well-rounded... that’s too inefficient, impractical, and not particularly profitable...
[I’m about to bring a financial Boaz into your life!]
That guy we call jack of all trades, you know his other name is master of nothing...
[loser, loser, loser]
And it’s the culture itself that encourages us to aim for the carrot on the stick of those masters of the universe on Wall Street or in Silicon Valley...
[glory, glory, amen and amen!]
and why do we comply with that aim...?
[I don’y want to tell you]
so that we can have a say in where the money goes...
[cha-ching!]
our culture rewards advances in technology... and yet, as I said, advances in technology are not advances in culture...
[this is repetetive]
they only advance the culture of convenience... and yet certain conveniences such as clean water and adequate nutrition are by no means available always and everywhere...
[who cares?]
and that’s because technology alone can’t remedy the situation...
[a sarcastic “ha, ha, ha, right”]
all of those advanced technologies and porcelain conveniences improve what we call our standard of living — they don’t improve our Consciousness or take back any of the power invested in the Collective Shadow...
[what?]
and while we’re all guilty of sacrificing to Shadow, there are those among us who, just like the witch, haven’t just sold their OWN souls in order to profit from all of those Individual sacrifices big and small...
for a tiny piece of that collective action, they’ve promised to deliver the rest of up in a pyramid scheme of apocalyptic proportion...
[it’s too late now!]
we’re going to find that Hansel and Gretel isn’t just about us as individuals, with our own individual Consciousness... Hansel and Gretel is also about our Collective Consciousness: and in particular, the Western European Consciousness and Culture that produced this fairytale...
[oh my God! x3]
a Culture that, except for its technologies, hasn’t changed or advanced all that much over the centuries...
[Johnny, is this true?]
and now, our post-modern culture has us all in the hands of modern day witches who have no interest in gingerbread... no, they’ve got a completely different recipe in mind...
[do we have any cheetos?]
in fact, some of them already have it, and some of them desperately want it... and whaddya know, it’s another recipe dealing with baked goods... Hey you know the one:
the recipe for turning every one of us into burnt toast...
[sound of the nuclear powered toaster oven]
[sound of chewing]
[Crunchy!!!]
🎶 Schubert - Six Musical Moments, D. 780 - III. Allegro moderato in F minor 🎶
In our next episode we’re going to find out who really wears the pants in this family... so here’s the next line of the fairytale:
Der Mann wollte lange nicht, aber die Frau ließ ihm keine Ruh, bis er endlich einwilligte.
For a long time, the man refused, but the woman gave him no peace until he finally said yes.
So while this might sound pretty cut and dried, it’s a meme that’s so loaded, it’s going to take us more than one episode to unpack... and not just because it’s the moment when we come across the first lie in the story...
[I’m outta here!]
there are an awful lot of voices clamoring to be heard in the wake of that lie... not all of them are imaginary... and they’re all there to help expand our Collective Consciousness... and bring us closer to those jewels I promised we’d find in this story...
[ah, very good!]
I do hope you’re up for listening...
[I don’t think that was very good, really]
remember, you can find full transcripts, links, and credits for all of those delightful and generous peanut gallery voices on my website: betweenthelines.xyz
all I really ask is that if you like the podcast, would you please, please, puleeze share it with a friend or 2 or five...
[no!]
that would put my numbers up to like, what — 6 or seven of us...?
alrighty then... ciao a tutti...!
[ciao, ciao]
got a question, or just want to say hi...?
*Chapter Titles read by Anna Jacobsen*
*German Fairytale Reading by Jürgen Lexow*
Music Credits
*🎶*🎶* Bleeping Demo by Kevin MacLeod of filmmusic.io
🎶 "Anachronist" by Kevin MacLeod and licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License
Schubert: Six Musical Moments, D. 780 - III. Allegro moderato in F minor performed by Sofja Gülbadamova - licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 - and courtesy of musopen.org
kristo's awesome Peanut Gallery
(most, courtesy of freesound.org)
**ALL sycophantic affirmatives mixed throughout the podcast courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@00:00 “WARNING” courtesy of OnlyTheGhosts and freesound.org
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@00:02 “immature audiences” courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@00:06 "indeed!" courtesy of qubodup and freesound.org
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@00:08 🎶 heavenly choir 🎶 courtesy of liezen3 and freesound.org
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@00:09 F-Bombs um, warning: (special) thanks to Ame Sanders of stateofinclusion.com
@00:21 “nuclear F-Bomb blast” courtesy of CGEffex and freesound.org
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@00:47 "ciao" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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@01:07 "they're in need" courtesy of chfox1 and freesound.org
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@01:30 and 01:35 🎶 Sublime - angelic choir 🎶 courtesy of bone666138 and freesound.org
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@01:38 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@01:54 "Life! Do you hear me...!" - Young Frankenstein
@02:13 “uh-oh” courtesy of xtrgamr and freesound.org
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crash of glass courtesy of khcm1157 and freesound.org
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@02:35 restaurant ambience courtesy of BenDrain and freesound.org
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@02:34 dark, painful emotions courtesy of michellelindemann1 and freesound.org
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@02:53 “do not resist...” courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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***
@03:00 sound of Option B:
deep church bell courtesy of Aeonemi and freesound.org
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guy yelling courtesy of IPaddeh and freesound.org
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***
@03:14 "My name is Frankenstein!" - Young Frankenstein
@04:03 "awww" courtesy of vahdena and freesound.org
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PART 1 / Teil eins
@04:19 "have a cupcake!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@04:27 “No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@05:01 "that's not good" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@05:25 "I want my pizza right now..." courtesy of Deathstardude and freesound.org
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@05:29 ambience of Pinerolo courtesy of emanuele.caro and freesound.org
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@05:51 "boo! (couple of people)" courtesy of jayfrosting and freesound.org
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@06:11 “killing to me...” courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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@06:29 “you require us...” courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@06:42 "blah, blah, blah" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@07:02 "that's uh, not funny" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@07:13 "roger that!" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@07:29 “fer sure” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@07:42 “what is wrong with this picture?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@7:47 “hmmm, what is that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@7:56 "I know, I know, I know" courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@8:09 "fuggedaboudit!" - SNL
@8:23 boos and hisses courtesy of deleted_user_2104797 and freesound.org
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@8:41 "why?!?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@8:55 "oh, you mean metaphoric...?" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@09:06 “No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@9:46 "whatever..." courtesy of pörnill and freesound.org
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@10:01 “hmmm, what is that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@10:05 "hmm..." courtesy of agent vivid and freesound.org
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@10:12 “why the fuck not?” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@10:35 "how long is this gonna take?" courtesy of shawshank73 and freesound.org
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@10:45 "you're kidding, right?" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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@10:58 "alright already...!" courtesy of metrostock99 and freesound.org
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@11:22 dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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@11:27 "factory baked goodness..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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PART 2 / Teil zwei
@11:52 "this doesn't smell..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@12:33 “I like that!” courtesy of FreqMan and freesound.org
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@12:41 Rattle / Shaker courtesy of sandyrb and freesound.org
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@12:54 sound of bubbling cauldron courtesy of InspectorJ and freesound.org
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@12:55 witchy laugh courtesy of MadamVicious and freesound.org
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@13:39 “...it's comin' back” courtesy of alphahog and freesound.org
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@13:56 “what...?? (girl)" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@14:03 sounds of a stampede courtesy of frolickingdp1 and freesound.org
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@14:16 "ooh" courtesy of brunchik and freesound.org
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@14:34 "not good" courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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@14:43 "hmm" courtesy of esperar and freesound.org
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@14:55 "so how should I know..." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@15:02 "well, i don't know" courtesy of daphneporras and freesound.org
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@15:17++ "naturally, of course, unquestionably, etc..."
@15:53 “uhh, excuse you..." courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@16:11 "the smart move" - The Godfather I
@16:46 “nobody move...” courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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@16:55 “activating deoderizer” courtesy of OnlyTheGhosts and freesound.org
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****
@17:22 sound of flies and mosquitos:
“violins" courtesy of cms4f and freesound.org
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“splat" courtesy of Whiprealgood and freesound.org
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@17:30 “much better!” courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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PART 3 / Teil drei
@17:51 used car spiel 1 - YouTube
@18:12 "...if you insist" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@18:32 "oh absolutely!"
@18:42 "...on purpose?" - YouTube
@18:53 "ja, ja, it's okay” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@19:02 "um, I’m not so sure..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@19:18 "let's read" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@20:21 "ooh" courtesy of brunchik and freesound.org
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@20:42 "interesting..." courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@21:01 church bells courtesy of freesoundjon01 and freesound.org
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@21:18 "what the fuck...?" courtesy of The Baron and freesound.org
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@21:36 yodeling... courtesy of Astounded - Christopher J Astbury - Switzerland and freesound.org
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@22:04 "Amen!"
@22:11 “No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@22:28 "oh brother!" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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***
@22:43 Time Machine 1
car lock beep courtesy of hz37 and freesound.org
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“okay, here we go” courtesy of AlienXXX and freesound.org
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“keep all, etc....” courtesy of OnlyTheGhosts and freesound.org
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“enjoy your journey” courtesy of OnlyTheGhosts and freesound.org
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engine trouble courtesy of IFartInUrGeneralDirection and freesound.org
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creaky old door courtesy of nawerwohl02 and freesound.org
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***
@23:21 "This is gonna suck" courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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@23:39 “roger that” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@24:03 "spaghetti" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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@24:09 "...mr. fancy words" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@24:09 "unbelieveable!" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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@24:34 "unbelieveable!!" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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@24:46 "why, thank you" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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***
@25:14 Time Machine 2
“you ready? here we go!” courtesy of sandyrb and freesound.org
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"doors closing / standing passengers" courtesy of thaighaudio and freesound.org
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can rattling courtesy of aboe and freesound.org
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***
@25:29 "ouch!" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@25:49 il Campo de' Fiori courtesy of lollosound and freesound.org
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@28:13 "oh my" courtesy of Dakotagrvtt50 and freesound.org
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@28:50 “No Sir!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@29:15 "pirate says: bollocks...!" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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@29:30 "don’t say that...!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@29:43 dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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@30:12 "what?!?" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@30:16 “No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@30:41 “oh yeah” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@30:47 group-shocked!" courtesy of thanvannispen and freesound.org
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@30:53 sound of tree chopping" courtesy of yadronoff and freesound.org
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@31:02 sound of tree crashing courtesy of craigsmith and freesound.org
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@31:11 sound of tree crashing courtesy of craigsmith and freesound.org
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@31:24 “cha-ching!” courtesy of angelak_m and freesound.org
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@31:36 "How? (woman)" courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@32:26 "huh???" courtesy of a13389 and freesound.org
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@32:50 "I don't think you know..." courtesy of jhyland and freesound.org
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@33:15 "must we?" courtesy of Anna Jacobsen
@33:49 "How? (guy)" courtesy of simons7er and freesound.org
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@34:16 "keep your eyes open..." courtesy of JPolito and freesound.org
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@34:29 "(giggle) I don't know" courtesy of nfrae and freesound.org
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@34:52 "yay (sorta)" courtesy of Kurck and freesound.org
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@34:58 used car spiel 2 - YouTube
PART 4 / Teil vier
@35:27 "check all weapons..." courtesy of TheScarlettWitch89 and freesound.org
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@35:39 Jesus Christ! courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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@35:48 “I'm sorry...what?" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@35:54 "do you give up now?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@36:05 "...cerebral implants" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@36:17 “for good reason” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@37:04 "hmm..." courtesy of agent vivid and freesound.org
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@37:46 “I miss your smell" courtesy of annadnewby and freesound.org
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@37:55 "oh, really?" courtesy of xyahka and freesound.org
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@38:15 "I'm melting!" - The W.W. of the W.
@38:29 “your misery empowers me" courtesy of annadnewby and freesound.org
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@38:45 "Fascinating." - Mr. Spock
@39:02 "ooh!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@39:11 “...naughty, naughty dog!” courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@39:25 "tire kicks" courtesy of eryps and freesound.org
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@39:44 "OMG...look at her butt!" courtesy of MadamVicious and freesound.org
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@39:51 "good idea" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@40:00 “(an exasperated) “oh boy, oh boy...” courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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@40:13 “what did you say that was called?” courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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@40:43 “roger that” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@41:05 “hmmm, what is that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@41:13 "1-800-goatluv" courtesy of bradyb and freesound.org
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@41:24 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@41:55 a satisfying plop - The Simpsons
@42:59 "something tells me..." courtesy of izzytherobloxgamer09 and freesound.org
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@43:20 "huh...?" courtesy of Adam_N and freesound.org
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@43:24 “this is disgusting...!" courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@43:40 and 43:59 The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samual Taylor Coleridge read by Kristin Luoma and courtesy of librivox.org
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@43:55 "on every fucking level!" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@43:57 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@44:17 “yeah, so what?” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@44:49 “everybody: put your hands in the air” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@44:52 "...a direct order" courtesy of ERH and freesound.org
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@44:55 “Yes Sir!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@45:07 "what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@45:11 "ya do whatcha gotta do" courtesy of LimitSnap_Creations and freesound.org
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@45:40 “what’s that, you say?” courtesy of Stewartcolbourn and freesound.org
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@45:57 "ooh" courtesy of brunchik and freesound.org
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@47:07 "what?” courtesy of seenms and freesound.org
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@47:37 "really...?" courtesy of juror2 and freesound.org
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@47:58 "oh, and I suppose you think that’s funny, huh..." courtesy of shawshank73 and freesound.org
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@48:12 "that is so typical" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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Part 5 / Teil fünf
***
@48:30 the nuclear powered toaster oven
siren courtesy of audiojacked and freesound.org
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nuclear alarm courtesy of IFartInUrGeneralDirection and freesound.org
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nuclear blast courtesy of IFartInUrGeneralDirection and freesound.org
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toaster oven bell courtesy of sethlind and freesound.org
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***
@49:02 “holy shit!” courtesy of AlienXXX and freesound.org
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@49:10 "aha!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@49:44 “not again!” courtesy of xtrgamr and freesound.org
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@50:04 "ew!" courtesy of isabellaquintero97 and freesound.org
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@50:51 now, just whadda we mean by that? - Soupy Sales
@51:01 "look behind you" courtesy of MadamVicious and freesound.org
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@51:50 "I hate Mondays" courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@51:56 "the bathroom's in my headquarters..." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@52:14 “that shit is fucked up” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@52:36 “shut up, mate...” courtesy of arytopia and freesound.org
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@52:54 “nonsense!” courtesy of afterguard and freesound.org
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@53:12 “ooh, good!” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@53:26 "...a dozen chimpanzees" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@53:41 “do not resist...” courtesy of Airborne80 and freesound.org
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@53:49 “Yes Sir!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@54:13 “...most important part!” courtesy of dobroide and freesound.org
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@54:52 “that's right, baby” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@55:18 "put your hands on your head..." courtesy of tekgnosis and freesound.org
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@55:20 “Yes Sir!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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***
@55:24 sound of Option B:
deep church bell courtesy of Aeonemi and freesound.org
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guy yelling courtesy of IPaddeh and freesound.org
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***
@55:45 "that’s correct (walkie-talkie)" courtesy of cityrocker and freesound.org
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***
@56:17 Option A "hold the handrail...":
"hold the handrail..." courtesy of nigelcoop and freesound.org
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airport ambience courtesy of MordiAudio and freesound.org
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***
@56:22 “Yes Sir!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@56:54 "you mean, balls?" courtesy of Anna Jacobsen
@65:57 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@57:21 "enter! you pathetic morons!" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@57:54 "stop grumbling...!" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@58:01 "how should I know...?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@58:27 vehicle backing up beep courtesy of C-V and freesound.org
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***
@58:50 sound of Option B:
deep church bell courtesy of Aeonemi and freesound.org
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guy yelling courtesy of IPaddeh and freesound.org
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***
@59:00 "that’s it!" courtesy of javapimp and freesound.org
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@59:17 "Awesome!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@59:32 "Yowza!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@59:43 "Wicked!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@59:48 “yeah, that's right” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@01:00:06 “fer sure!” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@01:00:18 "...a financial Boaz...!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@01:00:30 “loser, loser, loser” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@01:00:44 "glory, glory, amen...!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@01:00:54 “I don’t want to tell you” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@01:01:00 “cha-ching!” courtesy of angelak_m and freesound.org
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@01:01:14 "this is repetitive" courtesy of honest_cactus and freesound.org
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@01:01:32 "who cares?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@01:01:40 “(a sarcastic) right)” courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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@01:01:59 "what? (guy)" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@01:02:30 "it's too late now!" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@01:02:54 "oh, you mean metaphoric...?" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@1:03:08 “Johnny, is this true?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@01:03:24 "do we have any cheetos?" courtesy of hatchetgirl and freesound.org
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***
@)1:03:47 the nuclear powered toaster oven
siren courtesy of audiojacked and freesound.org
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nuclear alarm courtesy of IFartInUrGeneralDirection and freesound.org
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nuclear blast courtesy of IFartInUrGeneralDirection and freesound.org
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toaster oven bell courtesy of sethlind and freesound.org
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***
@01:04:04 sound of chewing courtesy of Bon_Vivant_Pictures and freesound.org
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@01:04:09 "crunchy!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@01:05:03 "I'm outta here!" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@01:05:21 "ahh, very good!" courtesy of The Baron and freesound.org
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@01:05:26 "...not very good, actually" courtesy of The Baron and freesound.org
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@01:05:56 “No!” courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@01:06:09 "ciao, ciao" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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got a question, or just want to say hi...?
Episode 14 - Transformation Can Be Fun / Episode 16 - Taco Bell or Wendy's???