In Ep. 36 we rub some sticks together, light a campfire, and roast some heretical marshmallows
Part 1 [07:07] - In which we learn why Ed Sullivan didn’t want Jim Morrison singing his full-throat version of Light my Fire on live TV
Part 2 [26:44] - In which Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer shows up on New Year’s Eve and separates the party goers from the party poopers
Part 3 [37:35] - In which we stumble upon a campfire of biblical proportion. Believe me, we’re talking big here. This thing is huge.
🎶 😝 🎸 ⛓ Hollow Nails / Cement Coffins ⛓ 🎸 😝 🎶
[vinyl needle screech]
[listen up now]
FYI
this podcast contains: no antibiotics, no synthetic hormones, no toxic pesticides, and no GMOs. it is, however, made with peanuts, and may contain various impurities including, but not limited to: blasphemy, impiety, profanity, heresy, scurrility, and derogation.
[not good]
[eh, it’s okay]
🎶 🎹 dramatic organ music 🎹 🎶
🎶 🔔 deep church bell 🔔 🎶
Bless me Fader, for I have sinned... it’s been about 4 months since my last episode...
[where were you? why didn’t you call? where have you been?? we were worried to death!]
OH! calm down, uh fader...???
um, these are my sins: I said we were gonna skip over a whole lotta stuff and and find out why Gretel is always crying... but we’re not...
[why the fuck not?]
because I ran into a buzzsaw of serious research issues that left me with way more questions than answers... anyway, I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition...
🎶 inquisition splash 🎶
[ahem]
but, um, that’s, uh, what sorta happened...
[what the fuck?]
🎶 ANACHRONIST 🎶
Hi there, and welcome back to the Hansel and Gretel Code... this here is Episode 36...
[oh yes y’all] [we gonna do this again like it’s normal anymore]
IN OUR LAST EPISODE:
we found out that Hansel’s little white cat is a symbol representing the whole kit and kaboodle of Norse / Germanic mythology... which means it also represents Intuition and the Intuitive practice known as Seiðr...
[what’s that?]
why that’s the Germanic equivalent of Theurgy and Hermeticism... and BTW, all of that Northern European mythology... is actually a bible...
[what?]
hey, it’s no different from the Old Testament,
[you can’t be serious]
oh yeah... why not? all the stories in it are about the deities of a religion that pre-dates Christianity...
just like the Old Testament...
instead of stories coming out of the deserts of the Middle East, these stories come from the forests and fjords north of the Alps...
[true dat]
and just because there’s more than one single God in the Norse/Germanic religion, doesn’t mean their bible stories are any less truthful than the Hebreo-Christian versions...
sure, their facts may differ a whole helluva lot from the ones we’re most familiar with, but facts do not constitute Truth... and since EVERYBODY’s religious facts and stories are pretty fucking different... God only knows who’s version actually corresponds to Reality...
[what is reality?]
[ahem]
when it comes to religion, anybody’s religion... facts are not the point... so, let’s not get hung up on them...
[and why not?]
because Truth with a capital T is never in the facts...
[well, well where is it?]
Truth is in, well, let’s just call it someplace else...
[hmm, I see]
🤡 🤓 😈
Time for a gratuitous / heretical aside:
Empedocles called it Reality... and just how honest to God, swear on a bible TRUE anybody’s stories about their deity or deities of choice might or might not sound... especially when it comes to all of that cosmology and cosmogony business... it just doesn’t matter... because they’re ALL TRUE... 🐍
you gotta realize, the Germanic / Norse bible - which is to say the facts and stories about their deities — were only written down in the 13th century — long after after everyone — including all the storytellers — got themselves baptized...
[yeah, so what?]
well, it was only after filtering down through about a thousand years of Christianity that the stories got written down, so whatever they were originally, they were all re-told through the dense filter of a well-established Christian perspective...
[ooh]
and, uh, for what it’s worth, they were also re-told by uh, Neil Gaiman, too...
[oh...!]
anyway, reading through some of that stuff is how we learned that white cats are associated with Freya — the Norse goddess who gave her name to that day of the week we all look forward to... you know... TGIF...
[hooray!]
we also learned that her Germanic / Anglo-Saxon name was Oestre...
[who cares?]
that revelation, clued us into the fact that Frau Holzhacker’s impatient correcting of Hansel was a veiled, but clever reference to syncretism — the method used by Vatican missionaries to win over the native Germans...
you know... “we’ll, uh, let you keep that weird old name, Oestre, but you’d better believe that it now means, uh, you know, Easter Sunday... “
[alright already, get on with it!]
I really thought we were gonna speed things up this time and get to the source of Gretel’s constant crying... which, I gotta tell ya, is one hell of a wild historic surprise... but that’s gonna have to wait because I kinda got mesmerized by the campfire in the next line of the fairytale...
[I’m often asked, “What are Campfire Girls all about?” Well, in Campfire Girls there are, girls, and boys sometimes.]
[Ooh, that’s so good!]
[What do Campfire Girls do?]
[we see that they have lit the camp on fire!]
[yes, y’all! that’s the party starting. I wanna hear that] [party, party, party]
*🎶*🎶*
PART ONE [07:07]
Teil eins:
In which we learn why Ed Sullivan didn’t want Jim Morrison singing his full-throat version of Light my Fire on live TV
[(applause) now The Doors, here they are with their newest hit record]
and now der Jürgen, here he is with the newest line of our fairytale...
🎶 people are strange intro 🎶
So gingen sie lang und kamen endlich mitten in den großen Wald. Da machte der Vater ein großes Feuer an, [...]
They went along thusly and finally came into the heart of the great forest. There, the father built a great big fire [...]
this all sounds pretty logical, right...?
[oh absolutely]
yeah, sure, as far as plot and storytelling go, the logic seems obvious... but we’re talking symbolism here, and this line? it’s another important reference to syncretism...
[no way]
oh yeah... in fact, there’s more syncretism in that campfire than we can shake a marshmallow on a stick at...
[nonsense]
hey there’s also a whole helluva lot of sexuality involved here too...
[seriously?]
yup!
[ooh, I like that]
before we cut to the chase, just remember that the woods in Hansel and Gretel are a symbol of the Unconscious...
[I remember]
right... so lighting a campfire in the woods could mean bringing a touch of light into the Unconscious... you know, bringing some Consciousness, or greater awareness into our lives... because you remember, this is a fairytale about us and our lives, right...?
[no!]
yeah well, making this fire could be about making an effort to learn something that we weren’t otherwise conscious or aware of before...
[pseudointellectual bullshit]
well, you sorta have a point, because as far as metaphors go linking this campfire to raising Consciousness sounds awfully abstract, and in this instance, it’s so non-specific, it doesn’t lead us anywhere... not even down into some interesting, time-wasting rabbit hole...
[why not?]
hey, bear with me here...
lighting a fire could mean nothing more than what it logically implies in the story: a way to fool the kids into staying put... you know, give them a nice warm fire to huddle up next to... that way they’re less likely to notice when you go sneaking off back home without them...
[precisely]
funny though, even the most ordinary campfire has a kind of ritual feel to it... dontcha think?
[no!]
come on... we know from all the way back in Episode 3, that the early Germans considered the forest to be a sacred space...
according to the Roman historian, Tacitus, the forest might as well have been their pre-christian cathedral... it’s where their deities lived... and it’s where they went to worship... more importantly, that feeling for the sacred nature of the forest has never left the Germanic psyche...
[how do you know that?]
hey all you gotta do is take one look at the famous Cologne Cathedral to see that it’s built to resemble a forest
[I don’t think so]
seriously... use your imagination and you’ll see what I mean...
[I see a cloud]
[I see 6 flowers]
[ahem]
what I’m getting at here is that lighting a campfire in the forest is like lighting a candle in church... except the fairytale says this is a great BIG fire... so we’re probably looking at some great big religious ritual... something a helluva lot more serious and elaborate than lighting just one little candle...
[yes, yes, I can see that]
and then, consider that the mother wanted to sacrifice the kids, pretty much as scapegoats — which is what we said in episode 15 (and 19) — so we could be talking some allusion to the ultimate Catholic ritual: the sacrifice of the Mass
[huh?]
I don’t need to tell you the Catholic Mass is one helluva busy ritual — and it’s all about the sacrifice of the ultimate Christian scapegoat... you know, the guy who “died for our sins.”
[that’s uh not funny]
yeah, well I didn’t mean it to be...
[OOHH!]
now we may have started out spitballing here with this ritual business, but I think we’re on to something...
[oh really]
oh yeah... because whaddya know... lighting ritual fires IS a significant practice going all the way back to the dawn of German (and European) history...
[and we know that, how?]
well, that’s because it pops up in Frazer’s Golden Bough — and in a really big way... big enough, in fact, to match the great big fire of the fairytale...
[what are you talking about?]
I’m talking about Sir James Frazer’s famous text: The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion...
📚 🤓 🎓 Nerd Alert
you might be interested you can read what Wittgenstein had to say about Frazer HERE or HERE
♊️ ♊️ ♊️
it’s a really interesting read, and in its unabridged 3rd Edition, it runs to 12 volumes and somewhere around 4K pages... I’ll leave a link...
[please, don’t do that]
hey, it’s okay... I’ll leave a link to the abridged version...
[good idea]
anyway, I think we’ve hit the jackpot of meaning here because there’s one long-ass chapter in Frazer titled “The Fire Festivals of Europe,” and in it, he gives us over 200 pages worth of historical facts and footnotes regarding the various types of ritual fires...
(p. 130 - 353 vol 10)
[I don’t get it]
let me just read you one very short snippet:
[alright, if you insist]
ALL over Europe the peasants have been accustomed from time immemorial to kindle bonfires on certain days of the year, and to dance round or leap over them.
[sounds interesting]
well, if you’re thinking there must be some connection between these ritual fires and the nursery rhyme about jack jumping over a candlestick, I’d have to agree with you... what’s more interesting though, is that the various types of ritual bonfires all have one thing in common:
[hmm, what’s that?]
setting them was an integral part of pre-christian religion...
[really?]
and so once again, we’re talking syncretism here...
[how?]
well that’s easy... see, these ritual bonfires were so important — and popular — people refused to give them up, even after getting themselves baptized... so, like it or not, the Vatican missionaries were forced to let everyone keep the tradition alive, even though it all started as a strictly pagan enterprise...
all they could do was give these fires a new, Christian name and meaning, and hope that the new Christian meaning would eventually stick...
of course that was like changing the name of french fries to freedom fries, and about as successful as getting Americans to give up fries for Brussels sprouts... which is why they had to constantly correct everyone and remind them of that new Christian meaning — exactly the way Frau Holzhacker impatiently corrected Hansel about his little white kitty cat...
[holy shit!]
in one respect, at least, they were pretty fucking successful...
[really?]
well, consider the fact that most of us have forgotten the pre-christian origin of those fires... not to mention the connection between Hansel’s little white kitty cat and the goddess Freya... except guess what?
[what?]
it was only around 200 years ago, when this fairytale was first published, that people were just starting to forget about those connections... for century upon century, the church had tried its damndest to not only make people forget those pagan origins, but to make people give up those ritual fires altogether...
[how do you know that?]
because Frazer tells us that in the 8th century, the Vatican authorized a number of synods — big deal meetings of bishops and bigwigs — and one consistent item on their agenda was: let’s put an end to these “heathenish rites.” in fact, that’s how we of today know for certain that these fires were part of pre-christian religion...
[I don’t get it]
well, tacked on to the pronouncements of those 8th century synods was a funny little Church document called the "Indiculus superstitionum et paganiarum"... "Small index of superstitions and paganism."
[ridiculous]
no, that’s uh, that’s indicululus, not ridiculous...
[dad joke groans]
all we have left of that document is the table of contents, but it lists 30 different pre-christian beliefs and rituals those bishops and bigwigs wanted to get rid of... and halfway down that list were those ritual fires — many of which are STILL practiced just about everywhere in Europe...
📚 🤓 🎓 another Nerd Alert
According to Wikipedia: The Indiculus... is a Latin collection of capitularies identifying and condemning superstitious and pagan beliefs found in the north of Gaul and among the Saxons during the time of their subjugation and conversion by Charlemagne. (It)...evidences the ongoing practice of pre-Christian practices, including divination, the use of amulets, magic, and witchcraft, and suggests that the church allowed or transformed certain practices which it had been unable to extirpate.
the Latin text table of contents is HERE
(#15 on the list: De igne fricato de ligno id est nodfyr / About the fire lit by rubbing wood, i.e. Nodfyr)
♊️ ♊️ ♊️
[interesting]
apparently the ritual fire that particularly annoyed those church fathers was known as the Notfeuer...
[ja, ja, it’s okay]
thank you.
and unlike the other bonfires — the Easter Fire or the Mid-Summer - St. John’s Fire, for instance — it wasn’t kindled on some set day of the year... it was more of an emergency thing... in fact, the word Notfeuer tends to be translated as the need or even emergency fire... and it might have been so named because, as Jacob Grimm says in his Teutonic Mythology: it was used “in time of need...”
[oh, thank you very much captain obvious]
for the record that “time of need” usually involved an outbreak of disease... especially that of livestock...
in modern German, the word: Not, connotes hardship, or dire straits... and it applies to any sort of emergency... so, in the case of our fairytale famine, Not is exactly what the Holzhacker family is going through...
[uh huh]
now I’m not saying that the fire Herr Holzhacker made in this line is a Notfeuer... although the metaphoric connection is reasonably obvious... here’s the thing... the one form of ritual fire the Church was successful in eradicating was indeed the Notfeuer... except, guess what...?
[what?]
the Notfeuer is still with us...
[no way]
you see, it got moved... instead of being kindled outdoors in the fields or forests as it had always been, it got moved indoors... into — you guessed it — into church...
[is this true?]
yup...
in it’s fully christianized, syncretic form the Notfeuer became the Catholic novena...
[now well that sounds like Grade A bullshit]
a novena is a ritual request for help in emergencies, and includes a 9 day vigil in church...
[you’re going to be here for awhile, so you’d better get comfortable]
[ahem]
and while there’s no bonfire involved, the ritual is accompanied by the lighting of a ginormous number of votive candles...
while all memory of paganism seems to have been completely wiped out of modern Novenas... the connection has never been forgotten by Vatican theologians...
[are you sure about that?]
well, two short quotations of protest from the Catholic Encyclopedia make it pretty clear that well into the 20th century, the connection was both a sore point and an embarrassment... take a listen:
Catholics know from their own experience that the novena is no pagan, superstitious custom, but one of the best means to obtain signal heavenly graces.... Even if it was connected with an earlier practice of the pagans, it nevertheless had in itself no vestige of superstition.
[so, what’s your point?]
connecting the dots between a Notfeuer and a Novena gives us the ritual this line of the fairytale is hinting at... and the syncretism behind that not-so-secret connection...
[clever]
for all of the earliest Germanic christians there must have remained an unspoken intent that just in case the new Vatican God didn’t come through and answer their prayers, there’s no harm in hoping the old deities might come to their rescue through the very same ritual...
[um, yes, you’re getting two for the price of one]
that would seem to explain why the Vatican was so anxious to get people to stop lighting those big bonfires...
[exactly]
except there’s another, juicier reason why those peasants refused to give up their fires...
[hmm, what’s that?]
turns out, there was a huge sexual component to ALL of the fire rituals...
[what a surprise!!]
and not just because so many of them included fertility acts, ER, I mean rites...
and that’s where Jacob Grimm comes in... his Teutonic Mythology text gives us 29 pages of facts and footnotes about those same ritual fires that Frazer wrote about — the Easter fires and Midsummer fires and those famous emergency Notfeuers...
philologist that he is, he also gives us his take on why they’re CALLED Notfeuers...
as I said, in modern German, Not indicates a situation of emergency... but Jacob tells us that in old high German, the root of the word Not also includes the idea of friction... He also tells us that a Notfeuer had to be started from scratch by rubbing 2 pieces of wood together
♍️ ☿ ♊️ super Virgo / Gemini Alert
Notfiur can be derived from Not...” (meaning need, necessitas), whether because the fire is forced to shew itself or the cattle to tread the hot coal, or because the operation takes place in a time of need, of pestilence. Nevertheless I will attempt another explanation : notfiur, nodfiur may stand for an older hnotfiur, hnodfiur, from the root hniudan, OHG. hniotan, ON. hniofta (quassare, terere, tundere) ; and would mean a fire elicited by thumping, rubbing, shaking.
🍏⚗️🍎
[so, why?]
naturally, it’s all about the friction... the procedure involved rubbing a stick in either a grooved piece of wood or one with a hole in it... it was ridiculously obvious to everyone that the stick symbolized a you know what, and the groove symbolized an anatomical feature of the female persuasion... the resultant fire was then considered the uh, baby…
[dirty dirty dirty. it's easily as dirty as can be]
[ahem]
but there’s even more sexuality in the ritual than that...
[are you kidding me?]
uh, no.
in a 14th century text known as the Chronicles of Lanercost — a collection of historical fun facts covering about 150 years of local British history — the entry for the year 1268 was a humdinger:
let the reader remember that when the herds of cattle in Laodonia were ravaged this year by the pest called lung-sickness, certain cattle-breeders, (who were) monastery folk...taught the ignorant rustics to make fire by rubbing pieces of wood together, AND to set up an image of Priapus, and in this way to help their animals. After a Cistercian lay brother had done this...he dipped the testicles of a dog in holy water and sprinkled the animals with it....
(Pro fidei divinae integritate servanda recolat lector, quod cum hoc anno in Laodonia pestis grassaretur in pecudes armenti, quam vocant usitate Lungessouth, quidam bestiales, habitu claustrales non animo, docebant idiotas patriae ignem confrictione de lignis educere et simulacrum Priapi Statuere, et per haec bestiis succurrere. Quod cum unus Iaicus Cisterciensis apud Fentone fecisset ante atrium aulae, ac intinctis testiculis canis in aquam benedictam super animalia sparsisset.)
[ugh, ew!]
it’s that sexual aspect of the Notfeuer ritual my dear listeners that must have given ordinary people faith in its power, and at the same time gave the good holy fathers of the Vatican the heebie jeebies... after all, not only had they themselves taken vows of chastity... but they expected all good Christians to follow their pious example and keep their sexuality on a leash...
[Amen!]
[dog barking and growling]
*🎶*🎶*
PART TWO [26:44]
Teil zwei:
In which Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer shows up on New Year’s Eve and separates the party goers from the party poopers
[Happy New Year!]
[yes, it’s time to party now]
[yo ladies! feel like dancing?]
[please just get out of my face]
converting most everyone north of the Alps to Christianity was a long slog... and syncretism wasn’t the strategy Vatican missionaries started out with... so, like modern day Taliban, they destroyed pagan images and shrines, cut down sacred trees, and would happily turn whole forests into a field of tree trunks, all
[for Jesus]
[glory, glory, amen, and amen!]
that of course, was a helluva lotta work... so they rightly figured that a top down strategy would be way more efficient...
getting the local rulers to convert was key to getting all their subjects to convert as a matter of law... the most famous of those laws being that of the Holy Roman Emperor, Charlemagne... except the penalty for breaking that law was death...
[uh oh!]
(Capitulatio de Partibus Saxoniae - 785 AD)
and while that worked fairly well, it seems obvious that syncretism — as advocated by Pope Gregory I — was a more reasonable approach...
[maybe]
(case in point) syncretism didn’t sit well with every one of those missionaries... in fact, it annoyed the fuck out of many Vatican missionaries and bigwigs...
[oh my god]
For instance, back in the 3rd century, a certain Caesarius of Arles, made a name for himself — and achieved sainthood — by constantly busting people’s balls, er I mean, preaching against syncretism and the survival of pagan rituals... interestingly, it wasn’t those ritual fires he kept harping on so much... it was the practice of partying on New Year’s
[mother fucker]
yeah, as one of Christianity’s most famous party poopers, he was particularly annoyed by people dressing up and wearing a very specific kind of mask to the party...
[what’s that?]
a stag mask...complete with antlers... you know, just like a reindeer...
📚 🤓 ♍️ another Virgoan Nerd Alert
you can read all about it here: "The 'CERVULI' and 'ANNICULAE' in CAESARIUS of ARLES"
☿☿☿
[hmmm]
I guess he was pretty successful, since you don’t see anybody running around with antlers any more... do you?
[I’m not so sure]
well, not AFTER Christmas... and you don’t see anybody wearing them to a typical New Year’s Eve party...
[I don’t know anymore]
well, my point is that a New Year’s Eve party is, in fact, one of those traditional pagan rites the church, uh, wanted to get rid of...
[crowd booing]
to put all this into context we have to realize that for some guys syncretism was just too permissive... guys like Caesarius were so, um, holy, they had zero tolerance for ANYTHING connected to pre-christian religion or practice... even simple names...
hell, if it was up to them, Easter Sunday would still be called Pascha after Passover... and, uh, come to think of it, it still is, in most countries...
anyway, to imagine paganism was living on in Christian rituals must have made their blood boil... so as you read more about these guys, you get the sense that deep down, what they really hated wasn’t paganism... it was fun... you know, just plain old fun...
[I never drink, wine]
[nyahhhhh...]
this Saint Caesarius, in particular... I mean, in addition to being a famous party pooper the story goes that as a young monk, he was put in charge of provisions for his monastery... but it wasn’t long before his fellow monks voted him out of that job...
[why?]
since he had the keys to the larder, he forced them to eat and drink according to his personal views on austerity...
[there will be no fruffy desserts]
[excellent]
and then there was our old friend Boniface... we already know how he made a name for himself: by chopping down the most famous tree in all of Germany, and baptizing Germans by the thousands...
[he was holy]
oh yeah... he was holy alright... just like old Cesarius was... he really hated when his fellow clergymen didn’t live up to his personal puritanical, er I mean, holy standards...
[there is nothing wrong with that]
true enough... just hear me out, though... around the year 742 Boniface wrote a long, whiny letter to Pope Zachary I complaining about priests and bishops in Germany who were “ebrios et incuriosi vel venatores”
♍️ ☿ ♊️ yet another super Virgo / Gemini Alert
this is the link to the letter in Monumenta Germaniae Historica online
🍏⚗️🍎
[what the fuck does that mean?]
it means they went around drinking and hunting, and otherwise enjoying life...
[group shocked - Oh!]
and that included partying — with girls...
[I like it!]
it turns out, the guy who pissed Boniface off the most, was the Bishop of Trier... a certain Milo...
Milo must have been a very fun-loving, er, I mean: very unholy guy...
🤡 🤓 ♎︎ Time for a gratuitous Libran aside
There's a well-known quotation about heaven and hell that is usually credited to Mark Twain... something along the lines of: Heaven for the Climate, Hell for the Company... a sentiment that Milo probably shared... I found a website that helped clear up my own confusion about who had said it, and where I first heard it... it's called quoteinvestigator and it's a fun (and useful) place with lots of entertaining rabbit holes to investigate... turns out the quote comes out of the story of Radbod of Frisia (who died in 719), Radbod, also known as Redbald or even Redbad, is one of those early German kings who was almost persuaded to convert to Christianity, but at the last second refused because he was told that his relatives and friends who had died and hadn't been baptized were stuck in hell, and by going to heaven, he'd never see them again...
♀ ♎ ♀
but not knowing him personally, who’s to say that Milo was such a player whenever it was that Boniface implied that he was, or that Boniface was such an axxxx... um, never mind...... but this is all part of the meat and potatoes of philology: trying to figure out what people meant by what they wrote whenever it was that they wrote it... in other words... not assuming everything we read is scrupulously factual or even gospel truth, and means exactly what we of today think it means...
anyway, while enjoying the perks of his Bishopric, Milo hadn’t done anything to earn that office.... he wasn’t appointed by the Vatican... oh no... Milo inherited his office from his dad... his good, sainted Father, Saint Leudwinus who HAD been the bishop died and left it to him...
[a great gentleman. very, very tough]
[argidurgadurg]
and sainted Leudwinus was because aside from Milo, sainthood kinda ran in the family...
[is that so?]
yup! see, Milo’s father, Saint Leudwinus, was the son of Saint Warinus — who was the son of Saint Sigrada, the nephew of Saint Leodegarius, and the brother-in-law of Saint Basinus...
so I can only imagine what a Thanksgiving dinner at that house could have been like...
[dad joke groans]
in addition to being a prude (which was his right), and a tattletale (which is mostly slimy), Boniface was also an envious ecclesiastic bureaucrat who longed to be top dog in all of Germany...
[what happened?]
he had a guy named Gewilobius kicked out of office as bishop of Mainz, and had himself put in his place... which, might have pleased him, except for the fact that as bishop of Mainz he had to play second fiddle to the Bishop of Cologne... and THAT prize post remained forever out of his reach...
[ouch]
🤡 🤓 ♎︎ Time for yet another gratuitous Libran aside:
It seems that Boniface had a serious rival in Saint Vergil of Salzburg... An Irish priest who, as Abbot of St Peter's Abbey in Salzburg, had been happily baptizing Germans using the words "Baptizo te in nomine patria et filia et spiritu sancta" (which I think means "in the name of the fatherland and the daughter and feminine spirit") instead of the correct, patriarchal formula: "Baptizo te in nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti". Good old Boniface, who must have been Virgo up the wazoo, found this mistake to be unconscionable, and complained about Virgil to Pope Zachary — who decided in Virgil's favor.
🌶 🌶 🌶
what I’m getting at here is that the whole concept of syncretism invites a think... I mean, if the church officially tolerated — even encouraged — it, why was it always trying to put an end to it...???
[i dunno]
if you ask me, I’m thinking just one thing: politics... there had to be plenty of conservative hard-liners in the Church who out and out hated the idea of syncretism, and whose idea of fun can only be god knows what...
[you are under my control, and I will be your authority forever and ever]
opposing them there had to be just as many — if not more — liberals who supported syncretism, not necessarily because they cared about converting pagans to Christianity, which was pretty much their bread and butter... but because they not-so-secretly — or discretely — enjoyed the festivities...
[yihaa]
I mean, what’s the harm, right...? sure there was a whole lot of hanky panky involved... all in all, Pagan rituals don’t seem to have required anything more elaborate than a nice campfire, a tasty animal sacrifice, plenty of beer, and only an occasional human sacrifice...
[that’s right, baby]
strictly speaking, eliminating human sacrifice (beyond that first scapegoating of the, uh, Christian savior)... that was one of the main positive effects of Christianity... something that kinda gets lost in the Vatican pearl clutching over sexuality...
[sex is normal you should have it, also with yourself]
[ugh! well, then!]
but let’s leave the sexuality business and get on with our story
[oh boo]
*🎶*🎶*
PART THREE [37:35]
Teil drei:
In which we stumble upon a campfire of biblical proportion. Believe me, we’re talking big here. This thing is huge.
[biblical. epic.]
[fucking biblical]
before we go any further let’s take another listen to the manuscript version of this line, and then compare it with the Grimms’ revision... btw, the Grimms altered this line right from the get-go — in their first 1812 edition — and they were so satisfied with the effect, they left it as is through all of their subsequent editions...
so, take it away, Jürgen...
So gingen sie lang und kamen endlich mitten in den großen Wald. Da machte der Vater ein großes Feuer an, [...]
They went along thusly and finally came into the heart of the great forest. There, the father built a great big fire [...]
here’s the Grimms’ revision:
Als sie mitten in den Wald gekommen waren, sprach der Vater „nun sammelt Holz, ihr Kinder, ich will ein Feuer anmachen, damit ihr nicht friert.“ Hänsel und Grethel trugen Reisig zusammen, einen kleinen Berg hoch.
When they had reached the middle of the forest, the father said, "Now, children, pile up some wood, and I will light a fire that you may not be cold." Hansel and Grethel gathered brushwood together, as high as a little hill.
🤡 🤓 ︎♍︎
Time for an absolutely gratuitous (and vaguely pedantic) Virgoan aside
as I was preparing these Grimms quotes for final audio production, I noticed that the verbs concerning the piling up and gathering of the wood were transposed in the English translation... in the first sentence, “nun sammelt Holz” doesn’t mean pile up wood... it means go gather wood... and “trugen Riesen zusammen” doesn’t mean gather brushwood together, it means toss it into a pile...
now I realize this sounds ridiculously pedantic... a persnickety, Virgoan point of contention, of no practical use whatsoever... but there’s no mistaking the German... and yet, as an Intuitive, I can only wonder what this sort of dyslexic, Freudian slip says about the psyche of the translator, Margaret Hunt.
and then, as for Neil Gaiman... his re-telling in English, is actually closer to that of the manuscript, because he leaves out any specific reference to firewood:
The father told them to wait for him in a grove of birch trees, their trunks paper-white against the darkness of the forest. He built them a small fire, to keep them warm.
whatever his literary intention was in juxtaposing the paper-white birch bark against the darkness of the forest doesn’t so much interest me... but his choice to have the father build a SMALL fire (instead of the big one of the Grimms’ version), struck me as significant... it says something about HIS psyche, but I’m not interested in going there...
Marie-Louise von Franz, the Jungian queen of fairytale analysis once remarked that she had little interest in working with the stories of Hans Christian Andersen because doing so would reveal more about his personal unconscious (and personal neuroses) than that of the collective...
🍌 🍌 🍌
the revision doesn’t tell us much more about syncretism... what it DOES though, is tell us something more about the Grimms themselves...
[yeah, like what?]
well, do you remember back in episode 12, I said that the Grimms were actively tossing out softball clues to help ordinary readers suss out the symbolic meaning of the fairytale...?
[no!]
well, this line offers more evidence to support such a wild-ass, implausible claim... which, I gotta tell you, isn’t at all far-fetched... it only SEEMS implausible because mainstream Grimms scholarship hasn’t found what we have, or caught on to the possibility
[why not?]
that’s because nobody’s done the work that you and I are doing here... not for at least 100 years... all we’re doing is paying attention to what’s written in between the lines... and sure it’s a lot of work, and it takes a helluva long time... but it is a serious pleasure...
which is exactly what James Joyce meant when he famously (and only slightly facetiously) told Max Eastman:
The demand that I make of my reader is that he should devote his whole life to reading my works.
Joyce specifically said he wanted to give the reader pleasure, even with a difficult to fathom work like Finnegan’s Wake... and the way to find that pleasure is to do exactly what you and I are doing here: carefully reading between the lines... figuring out why people stopped doing this with fairytales like Hansel and Gretel is an interesting mystery in itself...
[no, it’s not]
sure, there’s the difficulty involved, but there’s got to be more to it than that... I suspect it’s connected to the fact that 2 of the most influential folklorists of the 20th century (Marianne Rumpf and Lutz Röhrich)
[your german pronunciation must be much better]
yeah, I get it... apparently they pronounced Hansel and Gretel, and other tales like it, to be nothing more than Schreckmärchen...
[try again, come on, come on]
Scare and Warning Tales meant only for children...
by virtue of their professorial authority this facile meaning became enshrined as professional, folklore dogma...
[naturally]
🤡 🤓 ︎♍︎
here's the Virgoan source of that info:
...folklore scholars have recognized that one special set of stories, so-called scare and warning tales, are meant for children. Tales such as "The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids," "Hansel and Gretel," and "Red Riding Hood" are considered to be educational. In these, children are exposed to hostile powers without the protection of adults.Young listeners can learn how dangerous it is to the door for strangers or to go along with them.
Linda Dégh cites Rumpf and Röhrich as sources for this assertion in: Grimm's "Household Tales" and Its Place in the Household: The Social Relevance of a Controversial Classic
— Marianne Rumpf, Ursprung und Entstehung von Warn- und Schreckmarchen, FFC, 160 (Helsinki: Suomalaisen Tiedeakatemia, 1955)
— Lutz Röhrich, Märchen und Wirklichkeit 3rd ed.(Wiesbaden: Steiner, 1974), 126-27. (his postdoctoral thesis / Habilitationsschrift first published in 1956 - translated into English as Folktales and Reality)
☿ ☿ ☿
hell, even Jungians and Freudians avoid going into all the details... and in whatever work they do, they always invoke the catchphrases and codewords of their own dogma...
[indubitably]
well, you and I are examining the metaphors in each and every line of the fairytale and letting the material take us where it — and not anybody’s dogma — leads...
that’s what it takes to get the clearest picture of what’s been written between the lines... which is where the true, and most satisfying meaning of any fairytale can be found... it’s also where WE are going to find the name of the true author of Hansel and Gretel... the person responsible for slipping all of that meaning between the lines in the first place...
[enough rants]
okay, rant over... now let’s get back to working on this line of the fairytale...
the main detail the Grimms changed was to add the wood needed for a campfire... and have the father tell the children to gather it...
[so what?]
bear with me here, because when I first worked my way through the fairytale, I didn’t attach any great importance to this either...
telling the kids to go fetch wood is such a logical little detail... except in his Teutonic Mythology Jacob Grimm tells us that having children go house to house collecting wood for those ritual fires was a necessary PART of the ritual... so that made for a nice little connection... but I was actually more impressed by that business of stacking the firewood “as high as a little hill...”
[why?]
because it reminded me of our hero from Episode 17, Jan Hus... the Christian martyr who was burnt alive, er I mean the dastardly villain who was duly executed for his heretical views on Christianity, Poverty, and Papal politics...
the historical record states that the wood for his execution was piled up into a little hill as high as his chin...
*****
The executioners undressed Hus and tied his hands behind his back with ropes, and bound his neck with a chain to a stake around which wood and straw had been piled up so that it covered him to the neck.
The New Schaff-Herzog Encyclopedia of Religious Knowledge, Vol. V: Goar - Innocent
*****
[oh my god]
well I kinda left it at that, I figured there was nothing more to this line than a gratuitous reminder about the injustice and cruelty of the Vatican’s treatment of Jan Hus...
[that’s not funny]
yeah, but then a funny thing happened...
[what?]
much later in the story I was researching another innocuous, but puzzling detail — specifically, the line that has the witch saying she’s ready to boil Hansel up in a pot, but first she wants to prepare some dough for baking... presumably to make bread or croutons to go with her Hansel soup...
[oh boy]
I was confused by the word used for dough in the manuscript version — because the way it was spelled (Teich) it could have meant a pond... you know, like with frogs and dragon flies and lily pads...
🐸 [sound of spring peepers] 🐸
so I opened up the Grimms’ dictionary to check...
as simple as the word dough actually is, in case of doubt it’s always worth consulting the Grimms’ dictionary, on the off chance that it might be some sneaky little clue to a literary reference only the Grimms’ 19th century German readers would have known about... and sure enough, among the many literary references the Grimms DID supply there was one little quote from Luther... when you find any sort of reference to Luther in between the lines of a Grimms’ tale, it’s usually worth the time and trouble it takes to dig deeper and follow up on it...
I’m not going to bore you with all of the details...
[thank you]
let’s just say Luther led me on a merry chase through the bible, from Romans 5 — which has little, if anything to do with Hansel and Gretel — to Exodus 1 — which has a helluva lot to do with our story, and the Grimms themselves... in fact, more specifically, it has to do with the Grimms satiric use of Hansel and Gretel as I hinted at in Episode 20, but haven’t yet shared...
[well, why won’t you share?]
I will eventually, it’s just gonna have to be in another — or maybe a bonus — episode... anyway, Luther finally dropped me off at Jeremiah 7... and THAT, my dear friends and listeners, is exactly where the revision of this line of the fairytale was meant to take us...
[why don’t you go ahead and show me]
I will... right after this commercial break
[does your typical night suffer from horribly boring night syndrome? We got a solution for you! This Tuesday, October twenty, wait seventeenth]
oops, sorry... wrong commercial...
quick shout out though, to fellow podcasters Hunter and Al of entitledopinion.com... thank you and thank you for tossing some dough my way... their podcast is called entitled opinion and I just recorded an episode with them that should come out in the very near future... when it DOES come out, I’ll leave a link...
and a big thank you to my friend and fellow podcaster Danny van Leeuwen of Health Hats, the Podcast for his generous and continued support... thanks, Danny...
of course, y’all know I signed up for that buy me a coffee outfit (ko-fi.com)... because I could use the grace of your support...
[forget it, forget it]
if nothing else, your contributions let me know you’re out there listening... but if you’d prefer to hang onto your dough, a rating or review in your podcast app would work nicely, too...
[I said no!]
[and now, back to the story]
well, alrighty then, as I was saying... the Grimms led us to Luther who led us on a dance through the bible and finally dropped us off in the Old Testament at Jeremiah, chapter 7, verse 18 which says:
The children gather wood, the fathers light the fire, and the women knead the dough...
(Luther Bible: Die Kinder lesen Holz, so zünden die Väter das Feuer an...)
Okay, that’s all well and good, you say. Jeremiah 7. Interesting. But so what?
[you just took the words right out of my mouth]
finding hidden biblical quotes in a fairy tale may seem awfully far-fetched, or even annoying... like we’re making it up at worst... or at best, like it’s some bull shit game for literary snobs...
[oh my]
except it’s neither of those things...
Jeremiah 7 could only be identified by the close resemblance of the Grimms’ revision to the specifics of verse 18... except verse 18 isn’t the point... verse 18 is the pointer...
like a flag in Google Maps it’s showing us we’re in the right neighborhood... and it’s the neighborhood we were meant to explore... and boy oh boy... what we were meant to find there is so important, and so sophisticated, I’m pretty sure the Grimms didn’t add this revision themselves...
[oh my God, ridiculous]
I suspect that Henriette Dorothea Wild, the young lady who first told the story to Wilhelm (and who later became Frau Grimm)... I think she forgot to add the detail of the wood gathering... and my suspicion is based on the fact that a very particular — and very important — person in the know (whose name I will reveal in a much later episode) well, that person clued the Grimms into what was missing...
[oh no, you can’t be serious. that is some bullshit right there]
believing me isn’t the point... Jeremiah 7 is... because it turns out to be a brilliant elaboration of something this fairytale is trying to tell us... in other words, it’s another instance of metalepsis... you remember I explained what a metalepsis is back in Episode 19, right...?
[no sir]
okay, fair enough... Episode 19 was pretty far back there...
metalepsis is a bridge or a signpost in one work pointing to an earlier instance of the same or similar symbol appearing in another work or context... back in Episode 19 I said that Hansel and Gretel is filled with them... and this Grimms’ revision qualifies as another metalepsis because it points to a biblical verse...
the really important thing about metalepsis is that the earlier symbol carries some of the weight of meaning meant to be expressed in the later work... in the context of Hansel and Gretel, Jeremiah 7 shows up first and foremost, as a coded message condemning syncretism...
[no really? how is that possible?]
not from the perspective of those conservative Vatican hard-liners who hated it... no, no, it’s from the perspective of the pre-christian deities who are pissed off at the Germans for listening to the Vatican missionaries...
[oh god, oh jesus]
[but that is not all]
reinforcing the anti-Vatican tenor of the entire fairytale, there’s also a second coded message condemning the Vatican and its Inquisitors...
[let me tell you why that is bullshit]
🤡 🤬 ♎️︎︎
here's my indignant Libran response to that sort of criticism:
in postmodern literary criticism (especially) there are academics who feel that literary exegesis / hermeneutics — the kind of interpretation we're doing here — is nothing more than literary masturbation... i.e. they believe we’re only finding what we want to find when looking for some esoteric, hidden meaning in a text.
but not ALL academics are so rigidly skeptical:
...interpretation often looks like the projection of a meaning that the interpreter has invented (and although it may ultimately be difficult to distinguish clearly between meaning identification and meaning projection), we associate the concept and the practice of interpretation not with the liberty of projecting meaning but with the task of identifying a meaning that is given “in” a text (or any other object of reference), independently of the interpreter and prior to interpretation.
Hans Ulrich Gumbrecht: The Powers of Philology — U. of Illinois Urbana & Chicago 2003 — Chapter 3: Writing Commentaries
🌶 🌶 🌶
hey, you don’t have to believe me...
Just for the record, let’s look at verses 3-8:
This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place. 4 Do not trust in deceptive words.... ...if you do not follow other gods..., then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever. But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.
[are you talking to me?]
well, this is an admonition from big Jaws himself, Yahweh, directed at his chosen people, of course... except in the context of Hansel and Gretel, this becomes a passage of Norse mythology, which we’ve already said might as well be a pagan bible...
[are you out of your mind much?]
you’ve got to mentally put those words in the mouth of Odin or Wotan or even Freya...and what you get is a whole different ironic meaning: instead of being an admonition directed at the Jews, as in the Old Testament, our author used it as a metaleptic, literary trick, to be read as if it were the native, pre-christian deities gifting the primeval forests to the early Germanic / Norse people, and then warning them not to trust the Vatican Missionaries and THEIR deity...
[OMG!]
the last part, verse 8, becomes an ironic statement calling the papist, syncretic messages worthless.
[OMG!]
in the very same vein, verse 18 continued:
They pour out drink offerings to other gods to arouse my anger.
so for “other gods” just imagine Freya getting pissed off about Germans making sacrifices to the new Christian god...
[Jesus Christ!]
and, speaking of sacrifices, we have another reason to understand why we were all meant to recall Jeremiah 7 in this line of the fairytale:
here are Verses 30 & 31:
‘The people of Judah have done evil in my eyes, declares the LORD. They have built the high places...to burn their sons and daughters in the fire—something I did not command, nor did it enter my mind....’
[did somebody do it?]
it’s never a good idea to contradict someone more powerful than a mafia don, but, in uh Genesis 22, the story of Abraham and Isaac, didn’t this same guy order a hit on Abe’s son, Isaac...???
[no sir!]
well, this wasn’t from no wiretap, but I quote:
Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.
[I’m not sayin’ nothin]
at the time Hansel and Gretel was written, this biblical Godfather, er I mean god the father, was considered to be the same guy in both the Old Testament and the New... and his message was essentially consistent... at least as far as his commandments go... although according to Jung, spreading his NEW Testament message was an important advance in Western Civilization...
[what is that?]
one particular advancement was that Christianity put an end to human sacrifice...
[that’s nice]
the early GERMANS weren’t so big into human sacrifice, but the Druids sure were...
***An Account of the Druids***
in fact the Druid use of the so-called Wicker Man — a big straw - wicker guy with a human (or even a whole gang of humans) tied up inside — makes them the historic ancestors of Burning Man...
and that brings us back full circle to those ritual bonfires appropriated and syncretized (if not sanitized) by the Vatican missionaries... because that’s exactly what Burning Man is... a modern example of those same bonfires — albeit, devoid of overt Christian significance...
[oh wow man]
according to Frazer and his Golden Bough — and remember, he’s talking about all of the fire festivals of Europe... he says:
Not uncommonly effigies are burned in these fires, or a pretense is made of burning a living person in them and there are grounds for believing that anciently human beings were actually burned on these occasions.
[yikes!]
consider the fact that Carnival — which is very similar to Burning Man (and vice-versa) — it’s celebrated on the very last night — Fat Tuesday — by burning a man in effigy... here in Cologne he’s called der Nubbel — the scapegoat everyone claims was responsible for all of the wild and crazy things they did during the Carnival season...
[Nubbel Verbrennung]
of course all the fun and all of those wild and crazy excesses are the real reason conservative hard-liners wanted to rid Christianity of those ritual fires... it can’t really be otherwise...
[why not?]
because they already had their own ritual fires... which were all based on their own sense of fun, their own preferred excesses, and their own idea of scapegoats...
[do you know that?]
oh yeah... you know...
🎶 inquisition splash 🎶
the Christian fires they lit to celebrate their crazy belief that burning heretics is a fitting human sacrifice to their god...
[that’s fucking not funny]
true dat... but something I really think is funny is that in the year 1520 good Pope Leo X got so pissed off at Martin Luther he released a Papal Bull condemning Luther and his ideas... the Bull is called Exsurge Domini:
Rise up O Lord...and rid us of the heresies and errors which have been...recently propagated among the more frivolous and the illustrious German nation.
after going on for awhile, he includes a top 41 list of Luther’s poisonous ideas each of which count as heresy in the eyes of the Church... #31 on that list takes us right back to Jeremiah 7, which, by a clever trail of literary breadcrumbs laid down by our fairytale author, leads us directly to the satiric intent of Hansel and Gretel — which is, after all, to make fun of / and criticize the Vatican...
so, without further ado, here is that poisonous and heretical statement of Luther, piously condemned by good Pope Leo:
Haereticos comburi est contra voluntatem Spiritus.
Burning heretics is against the will of the Holy Spirit.
[I’m not sayin nuthin]
IN OUR NEXT EPISODE
we’re gonna cut to the chase and find out why Gretel is always crying... I think you’re gonna be as surprised as I was... in the meantime, check out the website for transcripts, links, and a few more asides I left out of the audio version...
[how do I find your show?]
you know the drill:
[visit us on the web @ www...]
betweenthelines.xyz
[check it out now]
[do it!]
alrighty then, ciao a tutti!
🎶 🎹 mean streets canada road theme 🎹 🎶
[is the show really over?]
[ciao, ciao]
got a question, or just want to say hi...?
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
*Chapter Titles read by Anna Jacobsen*
*Original German Fairytale Reading by Jürgen Lexow*
*Librivox recording of Hänsel and Gretel (auf Deutsch) read by Stephan Gambke*
*Librivox recording of Hansel and Gretel (in English) read by Deborah Knight*
Music Credits:
*🎶*🎶* Bleeping Demo by Kevin MacLeod of filmmusic.io
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****
🎶 🎹 organ / church bell 🔔 🎶 @00:44
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****
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PART ONE / Teil eins @07:07
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@12:44 "oh, really?" courtesy of xyahka and freesound.org
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@12:59 “and we know that, how?“ courtesy of a close friend of the podcast/(er)
@13:14 "what are you talking about?" courtesy of laelizondo and freesound.org
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@13:38 "please, don’t do that" courtesy of girlhurl and freesound.org
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@13:45 "good idea" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@14:08"I don't get it" courtesy of MatteusNova and freesound.org
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@14:14 "alright, if you insist" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@14:30 "sounds interesting" courtesy of kurtless and freesound.org
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@14:51 "hmmm, what’s that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@14:59 “really?” courtesy of michellelindemann1 and freesound.org
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@15:07 "what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@16:11 "holy shit!" courtesy of AlienXXX and freesound.org
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@16:20 "really...?" courtesy of juror2 and freesound.org
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@16:36 "what?" courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@17:01 "how do you know that?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@17:32 “I don't get it” courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@17:52 "ridiculous" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@17:58 dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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@18:26 "...interesting" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@18:37 "ja, ja, it's okay” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@19:15 "...captain obvious" courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@19:46 "uh huh" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@20:13 "what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@20:21 "no way!" courtesy of owly-bee and freesound.org
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@20:39 "is this true...?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@20:51 "...Grade A bullshit" courtesy of cookies+policy and freesound.org
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@21:04 "...better get comfortable" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@21:09 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@21:31 "are you sure about that?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@22:16 "What's your point?" - George Costanza
@22:31 "clever” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@22:52 "2 for 1" courtesy of MatteusNova and freesound.org
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@23:03 "exactly" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@23:13 "what’s that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@23:21 "what a surprise..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@24:23 "so...why...?" courtesy of soundsofscience and freesound.org
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@24:57 "dirty, dirty, dirty..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@25:03 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@25:09 "are you kidding me!?" courtesy of LittleRainySeasons and freesound.org
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@25:32 "...testicles of a dog..." special courtesy of a good friend of the podcast/(er)
@26:00 "ew!" courtesy of isabellaquintero97 and freesound.org
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@26:33 "Amen!" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@26:34: "one angry fucken dog" courtesy of CmdRobot and freesound.org
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PART TWO / Teil zwei @26:44
@27:01 "Happy New Year!" - Billy Ray Valentine
@27:04 "time to party..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@27:07 "yo ladies......" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@27:11 "please just get out of my face" courtesy of scatlin and freesound.org
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@27:40 "for Jesus!" - Jerry Falwell
@27:42 "amen and amen!" courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@28:17 "uh oh!" courtesy of DWOBoyle and freesound.org
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@28:29 "maybe" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@28:44 "OMG!" courtesy of buggly and freesound.org
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@29:17 "Mother Fucker" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@29:33 "what’s that?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@29:42 "hmm..." courtesy of agent vivid
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@29:50 "um, I’m not so sure..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@29:59 "I don't know anymore" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@30:13 crowd booing courtesy of tim.kahn and freesound.org
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@31:19 I never drink, wine - Bela Lugosi
@31:22 "nyaaaahh..." - Curly
@31:44 "why?" courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@31:55 "there will be no froofy desserts" - Ron Swanson
@31:58 "excellent" - Mr. Burns
@32:14 "he was holy..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@32:31 "...nothing wrong with that" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@32:54 "what the fuck does that mean?" courtesy of The Baron and freesound.org
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@33:02 "group-shocked - ooh!" courtesy of thanvannispen and freesound.org
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@33:10 "I like it!" courtesy of nuncaconoci and freesound.org
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@33:51 "a great gentleman..." - 45
@33:55 "argidurgadurg" courtesy of qubodup and freesound.org
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@34:06 "is that so?" courtesy of kurtless and freesound.org
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@17:58 dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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@34:51 "what happened?" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@35:15 "ouch" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@35:31 "(giggle) I don't know" courtesy of nfrae and freesound.org
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@35:54 "my control...my authority..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@36:30 "yihaa!" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@36:54 that's right, baby courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@37:16 "sex is normal..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@37:20 "...well, then!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@37:28 "boo! (couple of people)" courtesy of jayfrosting and freesound.org
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PART THREE / Teil drei @37:35
@37:53 "biblical. epic." - Francis Ford Coppola
@37:56 "fucking biblical." - Alfred "Alfie" Solomons
@39:31 "Yeah? Like what?" - Sam Malone
@39:48 "No!" courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@40:11 "why not?" courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@41:16"no. it's not." courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@41:38 "your German pronunciation..." courtesy of vumseplutten1709 and freesound.org
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@41:51 "try again" courtesy of vumseplutten1709 and freesound.org
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@42:06 "naturally" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@42:20 "indubitably" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@42:56 "enough rants" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@43:15 "so what!" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@43:58 "why?" courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@44:28 "oh my god" courtesy of MatteusNova and freesound.org
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@44:42 “that's not funny” courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@44:49 "what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@45:15 "oh boy" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@45:25 🐸 sound of spring peepers 🐸 courtesy of BudJillett and freesound.org
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@46:19 "thank you" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@46:48 why won’t you share? courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@47:11 "...show me" courtesy of itinerantmonk108 and freesound.org
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@47:18 “boring night syndrome” courtesy of owyheesound and freesound.org
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@48:18 "forget it..." courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@48:34 "I said NO!" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@48:36 "and now, back to the story" - anonymous BBC announcer
@49:12 "...right out of my mouth" - Brian Cruikshank
@49:33 "oh my” courtesy of Dakotagrvtt50 and freesound.org
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@50:21 "Oh my God! Ridiculous!" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@50:57 "oh no, you can't be serious..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@51:23 "No Sir!" courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@52:17 "no, really?” courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@52:19 "How is that possible?” courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@52:39 "oh God, oh Jesus" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@52:42 "but that is not all" courtesy of arytopia and freesound.org
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@52:56 “let me tell you...” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@54:04 "are you out of your mind much?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@54:44 "OMG!" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@54:55 "OMG!" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@55:17 "Jesus Christ!" courtesy of max_cristos and freesound.org
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@55:51 "did somebody do it?" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@51:23 "No Sir!" courtesy of theuncertainman and freesound.org
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@56:27 "I'm not sayin' nuthin'" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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@56:55 "what is that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@57:05 ”that’s nice" courtesy of LG and freesound.org
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@57:51 "oh, wow man" courtesy of bowlingballout and freesound.org
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@58:18 "Yikes!" courtesy of jorickhoofd and freesound.org
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@58:43 🔥 Nubbel Verbrennung 🔥 - Kölle Jecke
@59:07 "why not?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@59:23 "do you know that?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@59:28 🎶 inquisition splash 🎶 - Monty Python
@59:43 "that's fucking not funny" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@01:01:21 "I'm not sayin' nuthin'" courtesy of Anzbot and freesound.org
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@01:01:43 "how do I find your show?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@01:01:47 "visit us on the web @ WWWWWs…" courtesy of WillFitch1 and freesound.org
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@01:01:55 "check it out now" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@01:01:58 "do it!" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@01:02:18 "...show over?” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@1:02:20 "ciao, ciao" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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