In Ep. 40 the Grimms try making literary magic and pull everything but the kitchen sink out of their, um, hats
Part 1 [02:38] - In which we complain about the Grimms’ complaining, but then we cut to the chase, and name the guy who got their peppers hot in the first place... we also introduce his wife — who was known to be pretty hot stuff herself
Part 2 [13:35] - In which we visit a famous gym, a famous palace, a famous promise, and some famous last words
Part 3 [37:46] - In which we get the inside scoop on a blockbuster real estate deal, make a gratuitous connection between Hell’s Kitchen and Dragnet, and an equally gratuitous reference to German fraternity hijinks
Part 4 [53:03] - In which J. Edgar Hoover, Henry Kissinger, Steve Bannon, Richard J. Daley, and George Wallace walk into a bar, and order hardboiled eggs. 500 students try walking in the opposite direction
Part 5 [1:02:35] - In which we prove that Wilhelm Grimm tried to write the German version of War and Peace, and cram it all into one single word
Part 6 [1:13:23] - In which we follow the Grimms to Charley’s Bath House for a little schvitz, a lotta fake news, and a major switch to channel 13, er I mean Article 13, and our next 2 episodes
[Constipated? Try this podcast to get some relief]
[I should, shouldn’t I]
[definitely]
🎶 Park Avenue Beat 🎶
[do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth]
well, I already do plenty of swearing in this podcast so, uh, yeah, what the hell... I swear to god...
[Don’t you blaspheme in here! Don’t you blaspheme here!]
[fuggedaboudit]
[what is this?]
🎶 Anachronist 🎶
Heidiho there to my two, three listeners... Welcome back to the Hansel and Gretel Code... This here is episode 40...
[you’re going to be here for awhile, so you’d better get comfortable] 364755
[this is nothing but random noise]
In our last episode we looked at 56 years worth of historic facts — from 1756 to 1812... facts that the Grimms managed to cram into that tree branch swinging in the breeze thingy... facts that they wanted us to know about...
well, let me correct that... what they really wanted us to know was how they felt about those facts... and believe me, they weren’t happy...
[I don’t care]
well, I don’t really care how they felt either... but figuring it all out was pretty interesting... a philologic exercise that was well worth going into, at least for the sake of our intuition...
[you are very careful]
uh, thanks, that’s uh, nice of you to say...
as we know, they only added this line in their second edition... the one that came out in 1819... so all we have to do in this episode is look at a few more historic facts they carved into that tree... meaning just the stuff that happened in those seven years... between 1812 and 1819...
[oh, good]
alrighty then... let’s do this
[whatever]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 1 [02:38]
Teil eins: In which we complain about the Grimms’ complaining, but then we cut to the chase, and name the guy who got their peppers hot in the first place... we also introduce his wife — who was known to be pretty hot stuff herself
[these are the world’s hottest peppers, are you ready for this?] hot pepper challenge
[why the fuck not?]
[screams...OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!]
well, after that oddly gratuitous intro, let’s listen to that oddly gratuitous sentence that Wilhelm Grimm insisted on adding to the manuscript version of the story:
sie glaubten, der Vater wär noch im Wald, weil sie die Schläge seiner Axt hörten, aber das war ein Ast, den er an einen Baum gebunden hatte und den der Wind hin und her schlug.
They believed the father was still in the forest because they heard the strokes of his axe, but it was a branch he had fastened to a tree and which the wind blew back and forth.
One of the problems I’ve had in explaining what the Grimms were up to here is that unlike the author of Hansel & Gretel, these guys were not artists… they were lawyers by profession, academics and philologic researchers by predilection…
[shh, we’re in a library]
and oh yeah, they were librarians by trade…
while they authored a helluva lot of solid academic texts, they were anything but creative writers or artists…
[don’t go there]
hey... I don’t mean to disparage these guys, but try reading a sentence or 2 from Jacob Grimm’s pride and joy, his Grammar book — Deutsche Grammatik — and you’ll see what I mean...
I’ll leave a link...
[thanks, but no thanks]
good call...
now sure, Wilhelm, the brother who took over editing the fairytales, must have really enjoyed adding a few artistic flourishes to each story… always sneaking a choice little word or two here and there…
[spaghetti]
huh...? well, spaghetti’s a good choice, but he wasn’t so random about it...
and as we’ve so far discovered he probably did it to let his intended readers know that he and Jacob were hip to all the metalepses in the story, and that they were in on the joke…
in fact, with marketing on his mind, Wilhelm probably wanted to help a wider audience catch on to the fact that this fairytale — if not many more of them in their collection — was, indeed, intended as entertaining satire, and therefore, the 18th century equivalent of:
🎶 HBO splash 🎶
[really?]
well not exactly...
see I do mean entertaining... but not the passive kind...
for adults back then, reading a fairytale could be a highly intellectual game of charades, with each metalepsis acting as a clue, enticing them to guess the literary or historical precedent it silently referred to...
[wow]
of course that was back then... when home entertainment was all do it yourself... but it’s also key to what we’re doing here and now...
so, I gotta say, when it came to composing a metalepsis... one that would let him take a satiric poke at somebody he didn’t like in a story he didn’t write — which is what this line of the fairytale is and does — Wilhelm Grimm wasn’t no John Oliver or Stephen Colbert… he was, in fact, kinda clumsy…
[oh f##$! oh s%%t! oh sh&t. oh no. I’m okay. no, no, no, no no!!!]
[OMG, OMG]
it’s logically obvious in this line of the story that Wilhelm has the father doing something sneaky... but it’s our literary 6th sense that tells us he’s lampooning someone or something…
normally, the target of well done satire should be a very specific person… or at least a very specific issue…
[indeed]
yeah, except Wilhelm’s focus is all over the place… and figuring out exactly who and what got his peppers hot isn’t so obvious…
[I don’t think you know]
well, I do know... but it wasn’t easy finding out... let’s take a closer look at how it all went down...
[alright, if you insist]
reading into the history involved — both the European history and the history of Hansel and Gretel as it changed through its various editions, the identity of the specific person getting ridiculed is introduced by an oblique reference to someone else… and that someone else is not only different — but turns out to be a more sympathetic sorta person…
on top of that, the direct target of satiric ridicule gets hung on the character of the father, but then later gets mixed up with someone else and fudged off into the character of the mother… except that switch didn’t go down until the 1840 4th edition…
and finally, it isn’t until the 1843 5th edition that Wilhelm makes it clear which target is which, and paradoxically separates them out and re-connects them…
[wtf!]
[OMG]
[you’ve got some serious problems]
I’m guessing I’ve got you thoroughly confused now, right…???
[absofuckenlutely!]
sorry about that… getting clear on what the Grimms’ intentions were with this clunky addition to the story was a real slog... it required digging deep into their biographies, and then correlating all that personal shit with a helluva lot of European history and politics — politics they chose to surreptitiously complain about through the magic of literary satire…
🎶 whistle 🎶
[yeah, that’s what I said]
yeah, there’s a whole lotta literary hocus pocus going on here... although it might as well be called bogus pocus, because, bottom line, the Grimms were terrible at it...
[it’s terrible, it’s just so bad]
damn right it is... and that’s the main reason it’s taken me so long to produce this separate group of 4 episodes… so let’s just cut to the chase here…
we know from our last episode that the Grimms were complaining about the lack of progress being made in creating a unified and powerful German nation after Napoleon’s defeat in 1814... but in this episode we’re gonna see how they were specifically lampooning the King of Prussia:
Friedrich Wilhelm III…
[ja, ja, it’s okay]
uh thank you… yeah... Fredrick William III
so how do we know this… ? and why would the Grimms make him a target of ridicule…?
[you tell me]
okay, well, the simple answer to both questions is the fact that this king, Fritzi-Willi was best known among his contemporaries for being wishy-washy…
[that’s not funny]
I agree, but that’s the tree branch swinging back and forth in the breeze business…
[maybe]
let’s look at the facts that define him as wishy-washy…?
[aw mom, do I have to?]
hey, nobody has to... but this is the tangled web that Jacob and Wilhelm wove with their gossiping and complaining... and just remember, everyone in the Grimms’ Zeitgeist was familiar with those facts... so unless we make the connection obvious, everyone in our Zeitgeist is gonna keep missing the boat on this...
[alright already, get on with it!]
okay, first, in 1812, Fritzi-Willi — who had hoped to keep Prussia neutral and out of the Napoleonic wars — was forced to join Napoleon in his disastrous invasion of Russia…
[that shit is fucked up]
and then in 1813, he was forced to join a Coalition with Russia to fight against Napoleon…
[you’ll suddenly have to pretend to be Russian at least once in your life]
[ahem]
now that may only sound like a one-time flip-flop, but he was even more famously wishy-washy about the creation of a unified German nation…
[oh really?]
yeah... once Napoleon was actually defeated, instead of taking a decisive axe to the frustratingly stagnant and conservative post-war status quo, he just beat around the bush making a series of famous empty promises to his subjects, the real taxpayers…
he promised to give them more of a say in government and taxation… but each one of his promises turned out to be just like Herr Holzhacker’s pretend axe: all noise and no substance…
[booing]
and so it went, throughout his 43 years as monarch, in things large and small, he proved himself to be anything but a dynamic, decisive leader…
[not good]
turns out, it was his first wife, Louise who would have made a much better leader...
[for good reason]
yeah...she was known to be a combination of brains, balls, beauty and charm... she famously hated Napoleon, and just as famously had a tête-à-tête with him on a crucial diplomatic mission... in fact, according to Napoleon himself, she had him right on the verge of saying:
[well alright, anything you want. anything]
that is until Fritzi bumbled into the room they were in and broke whatever spell she had cast...
[damn!]
🤓
in his Memoir from St. Helena, Napoleon’s ghost writer, Emmanuel, Comte de Las Cases, wrote:
“...the King attempted to take part in the conversation, spoiled the whole affair, and " I was," said the Emperor, " set at liberty."
🤓
according to her biographers, Napoleon later said to Czar Alexander:
“If he had left me with the Queen for another quarter of an hour, I would have promised her anything she asked....”
she was charming as hell, but she was also one tough cookie... unlike Frau Holzhacker though, she wasn’t no ball breaker, and publicly, she always deferred to Fritzi...
[your husband is always right]
[ahem]
when she died, in 1810 — at the age of 34, after 10 pregnancies and 9 healthy kids — Napoleon is supposed to have remarked that Fritzi just lost his best minister... and in his final Memoir, Napoleon did in fact say:
"The Queen of Prussia was unquestionably gifted with many happy resources ; she possessed a great deal of information and had many excellent capabilities. It was she, who really reigned for more than fifteen years.”
[you bet your ass!]
before we can make Fritzi-Willi’s place in this tree branch business even more obvious, there’s somebody else we need to introduce… which is to say, that other person Wilhelm Grimm krazy-glued into the metalepsis... because without him we couldn’t have identified Fritzi-Willi...
turns out, this somebody else wasn’t wishy-washy... and annoyingly, it took a helluva long time to figure out it was someone Wilhelm was also complaining about… anyway, according to what I’ve come across in some of the Grimms’ letters and biographies... they apparently didn’t like this guy...
[who’s this?]
well, I’m just about to tell you...
[but first]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 2 [16:35]
Teil zwei: In which we visit a famous gym, a famous palace, a famous promise, and some famous last words
[Hi, this is Ben, and these are not my last words. um, un...not my last words]
Uh, thanks Ben... and uh, for any of youse guys who remember Wild Chicago back in the 80s... Ben is a Chicago legend who don’t need no introduction... but this guy the Grimms introduced, well, he was a legend to German speakers in the 19th Century — and maybe even to Germans in Chicago...
his name is Johann Friedrich Ludwig Christoph Jahn…
better known in German history as Turnvater Jahn…
[yes I know]
yup... plenty of Germans still know all about him... and they know him as Turnvater because in 1811, he opened up a famous outdoor gymnasium in the heart of Prussia…
[you know we’re here to pump you up]
uh right, turnen is a verb for doing gymnastics…
[yes I know]
but Jahn wasn’t just some ordinary gym rat or personal trainer… as the inventor of all sorts of modern gymnastic equipment — like the balance beam and the parallel bars — he practically invented the modern Olympic idea of gymnastics…
[ooh]
in fact, I believe it was through his invention of the various kinds of gym equipment — and their illustrations in his widely read book of 1816 Die Deutsche Turnkunst... well, that was how Wilhelm managed to sneak him into the fairytale and help us to identify Fritzi-Willi…
of course that must sound a touch far fetched, since Herr Holzhacker’s tree branch contraption ain’t no literal match for modern gym equipment…
[you got that right]
but give Wilhelm credit for creating a mental picture of the famous oak tree at the center of Vater Jahn’s famous outdoor gym…
[huh?]
see he made guys train on its branches… and they probably did some some form of swinging on it too...
[can you believe that?]
[ja, listen to me now and believe me later, you know]
[ahem]
still, how did Wilhelm manage to get us to understand he was lampooning the King of Prussia in a makeshift piece of gym equipment…?
[I don’t know!]
well this is where things start getting ridiculously complicated… Wilhelm couldn’t reference Fritzi who was wishy-washy about Napoleon and the creation of a unified German nation, without referencing Vater Jahn...
[why not?]
well, Jahn wasn’t Fritzi’s equal... he was after all, just a commoner... but while Fritzi was wishy-washy, Jahn was just the opposite...
the connection is based on the fact that Vater Jahn was famously adamant about kicking Napoleon’s ass out of Prussia and establishing not just a unified German nation, but one with a strong and well-trained military, AND a democratic constitution…
explaining all of this isn’t difficult… the facts are all there and they’re interesting as hell… but they’re also numerous as hell and intertwined in ways that aren’t confusing so much as practically impossible to remember and keep straight…
[who cares?]
yeah well that’s history for you… there isn’t one single narrative to explain all of the facts… there are multiple narratives running all through different sets of those same facts…
and while they only amount to circumstantial evidence that the Grimms were lampooning, complaining and gossiping about the King of Prussia… complaining about and making fun of a King (even if you didn’t live in his kingdom — which the Grimms didn’t) was pretty fucking risky…
[that is correct]
[nobody wants to go to jail for things]
back then, there was no such thing as democracy in Europe… and there was absolutely no freedom of the press… 19th century censorship was serious as hell, and government surveillance of taxpayers — both openly and by secret police — was nearly as potent and intrusive as the NSA…
[Curly]
complaining in print was considered outright sedition… and would get you the label of demagogue…
[the name is just kinda boring]
it would also get you another label: prisoner…
[uh oh]
so you can bet the Grimms, who were conservative monarchists by inclination, didn’t want to get themselves into hot water…
[Mr. Capone says leave you alone so long you keep your nose clean]
[ahem]
but as intellectuals who wanted a unified Germany — free of Napoleon and French influence — they were just daring enough to slip a cheeky little political jibe into a story they already understood to be a potent satire in its own right…
hey, they could always claim they were just being faithful to the fairytale which was, after all, just a fairytale… and a very, very old one, at that…!
[oh absolutely]
yeah well turns out, it wasn’t very old at all... but that’s something we’re gonna prove much later on...
[why won’t you share?]
I will... right now though, let me give you the specific facts the Grimms crammed into their tree branch contraption…
[please, don’t do that]
without knowing them, there’s no way to catch and understand the inside joke about Fritzi’s character that Wilhelm was trying to put out there… even if it turns out to be pretty flat...
actually, there’s a much more important reason these facts deserve our attention…
[what’s that?]
on the one hand, the Grimms wanted us to know how they felt about those facts… because, well, they were the Grimms, after all… and their egos were involved...
[OOH!]
but they also wanted to help us to remember them…
[what?]
you see, Hansel and Gretel, as envisioned by the original author was not only meant as entertaining satire… it was also meant as an aid to memory…
[wtf?]
turns out, Hansel and Gretel is a specific kind of mnemonic device known as a memory palace…
[hmm, what’s that?]
that’s something the Grimms — as well as many of their contemporaries — would have known about and understood…
the ancient idea of a memory palace was to go on a mental journey through a familiar set of rooms, each room having elaborate and easily remembered furnishings and decorations… each of those particulars could then be associated with some specific set of facts or ideas that could be easily recalled on the fly...
[that is correct]
a familiar story could also serve as a memory palace — that is, a story with easily remembered details… you know… like a fairytale…
and as is usual with taking such a mental journey, whether it’s through rooms or a story, the more bizarre or outrageously odd those details, the better… case in point, this elaborately silly tree branch contraption… turns out, each detail of Hansel and Gretel was indeed meant to prompt the recall of specific historic facts and people and concepts…
[oh no you can’t be serious. That is some bullshit right there.]
[yeah, hear me now and believe me later]
uh yeah... what he said...
actually, I’ve got serious and specific evidence to back that up... evidence we’ll eventually get to... but hey, we’ve already seen plenty examples of this sort of thing over the course of our 39 episodes… I mean, so far, the metaphors of the story have referenced such amazing and complex things as the history of apostolic poverty, the history of gnosticism, and even the investiture controversy…
we’ve also discovered that each of those previous prompts to memory point in the same direction, leading towards a coherent general theme concerning the narcissism of the Vatican — especially in its relation to German speakers north of the Alps — but also the Vatican’s ruthless mis-treatment of free-thinking Intutives everywhere, calling them all heretics and blasphemers…
but then all of a sudden, and from outta nowhere
🎶 inquisition splash 🎶
— uh, sorta like that — the facts behind this tree branch thingy suddenly have everything to do with politics, and nothing at all to do with the Vatican…
[Ah-Ha!]
and that’s why we can safely say the Grimms krazy glued this tiny satiric complaint of their own manufacture onto the greater, more culturally significant satire of the original fairy tale…
[wow]
you and I are the first to discover this rogue intention on the part of the Grimms… at least we’re the first ones in over a century to do so… and the first to publicly acknowledge that discovery…
[applause]
it goes without saying, our philologic insight directly challenges traditional thinking about the Grimms and their treatment of fairytales… and certainly their treatment of Hansel and Gretel…
hell, it even challenges certain academic ideas about fairytales themselves... something we couldn’t have done without knowing the historic facts… facts that are way too interesting to ignore… although it’s not as if they have been — ignored… they certainly show up in various biographies of the Grimm brothers…
[so what’s your point?]
the point I want to make is that despite constituting the background to the Grimms’ professional and personal lives these facts don’t figure prominently in discussions about the individual fairytales and their interpretation... not until now…
although to give credit where credit is due, Professor Ann Schmiesing of the University of Colorado recently published an excellent biography of the Grimms. funny enough, in one review of her book, she was criticized for including so many historical facts... and that’s because the reviewer found them tedious... yet she was able to use those historical facts from the Grimms’ Zeitgeist to expose another political complaint Wilhelm glued into a different fairytale: The Blue Light...
[ooh]
more on this later in Episode 42
so what are these facts…?
[I don’t know]
Well the full spectrum of them includes the so-called Vormärz…
[what the fuck is that?]
that’s the 30 or so year period in German history preceding the numerous -—but unsuccessful — European revolutions of 1848…
[oh no]
we’d also have to include the Napoleonic period preceding the Vormärz… facts we’ve already covered in Episode 39
[why?]
because they’re all facts that Wilhelm Grimm insisted on complaining about…
[oh no]
hey, relax... we’re still mostly interested in the 7 years between the Grimms’ first and second editions... but history is a funny thing, you know... it’s not made up of isolated facts, or even of time... it’s made up of narratives... then again, history is a real paradox... kinda like the wave and particle theory of light...
[what are you talking about]
[dude, wtf]
sorry, forget it... let’s just bite the bullet and take a look at certain facts that fit a narrative the Grimms were more than familiar with AND annoyed by…
[alright, if you insist]
in talking about the Napoleonic period, there’s one thing the Grimms, and indeed, most Germans had a legitimate right to complain about...
[what’s that?]
we know that by 1810 Napoleon’s Grande Armée occupied most of Germany, but the lesser known narrative is that in many cases, French soldiers and officers behaved exactly the way Hitler’s army did when it occupied France… minus the systematic genocide, of course…
[shocking sound]
[no way]
according to the fascinating British historian, T. C. W. Blanning, French officers and soldiers were no angels, and often acted like mafia sociopaths… I’ll leave a link…
[fuggedaboudit]
[forget about what?]
[ahem]
🤓
The French Revolution in Germany : Occupation and Resistance in the Rhineland, 1792-1802 - by Blanning, T. C. W
🤓
less shocking, but more important to this line of the fairytale, is the fact that, Napoleon, acting pretty much as a mafia capo di tutti capi, demanded heavy-duty and ongoing tribute from conquered governments, and this naturally forced Prussia’s wishy-washy King, Fritzi-Willi, to do what all governments are want to do (whether forced or not)…
[what?]
well, in a famous Edict of October 1810, Fritzi proclaimed:
[read my lips]
uh, no — in the typically passive aggressive wording of absolute monarchy he said:
“We, Friedrich Wilhelm, by the Grace of God King of Prussia, etc. etc., blah, blah, blah…. see ourselves compelled to demand from our loyal subjects the payment of higher taxes….”
[oh fuck]
[booing]
[wow, that’s a surprise]
yup, he raised taxes alright… which, as usual, were paid by those loyal subjects who could least afford to pay… and who had no say in the matter… and then, in the famous last words department, he added a conciliatory promise to that edict, saying:
“…and they shall be reduced as soon as the need they are intended to meet comes to an end.”
[bullshit, bullshit...]
on the very same day, and in a separate edict, he also promised to reorganize the Prussian government in the direction of giving ordinary people more of a say in the process — meaning, of course, taxation with representation…
[oh very nice]
yeah, sounds great... except of course, one year later, — in 1811 — there he was repeating that same, unfulfilled promise saying:
“It is still our intention, as declared in the . . . Edict of October 27 of last year, to grant to the nation [eine zweckmässig eingerichtete Repräsentation] an appropriately constituted representative body.”
[nice line]
4 years later, in May 1815, he was at it again with the very same empty promise saying literally (in German, of course):
“A representation of the people is to be formed.”
[awesome, man]
[I don’t think it would be that hard to implement]
right... in fact, this time, on a more assertive note, he added a plethora of conditions under which representation would be implemented… of course, none of which would put the slightest restriction on his monarchal power and authority...
[of course]
[wait a second]
and then guess what... by 1819, another 4 years had gone by and those promises...?
you guessed it...
unfulfilled…
[so what else is new?]
🤓
The failure of the Prussian reform movement, 1807-1819 by Walter M. Simon
🤓
I bring up this business of broken promises, because that’s what wishy-washy Fritzi-Willi was doing all along… making promises he really didn’t want to keep… which is exactly the kind of bad political — and even moral — behavior the Grimms were complaining about, and why they turned to lampooning Fritzi-Willi through the literary magic of metalepsis... which is to say, why they made Herr Holzhacker build that tree branch thingy...
of course that must still sound like a stretch...
[yup!]
yeah but Wilhelm made his complaints about Fritzi-Willi way more explicit when he took Frau Holzhacker’s statement to the kids:
„wartet bis wir wiederkommen.“
“wait here until we get back.”
and changed it to:
„…ruht euch aus.... Wenn wir fertig sind, kommen wir wieder, und holen euch ab.“
“just relax… when we’re done we’ll come back and get you.“
[liar]
in other words, Wilhelm changed that line from a simple command to a phony promise…
[OMG! OMG!!]
for the record…he only did this starting in 1843 — the 5th edition — so I’ll just take a wild guess and say that he had always wanted to make the satire more obvious, but only felt comfortable doing so AFTER Fritzi had passed… (which he did in June, 1840)…
[hmm]
[oh, I see. okay.]
circling back now, let’s take a closer look at how wishy-washy Fritzi is connected to hale and hearty Vater Jahn…
[but first]
[I have to take a piss now]
[ooh!]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 3 [37:46]
Teil drei: In which we get the inside scoop on a blockbuster real estate deal, make a gratuitous connection between Hell’s Kitchen and Dragnet, and an equally gratuitous reference to German fraternity hijinks
🎶 german football fans 🎶
[I’m pretty drunk. okay. oh shit! whaddid I do?]
early in 1813, our wishy-washy King of Prussia, was reluctantly forced to join the so-called Sixth Coalition fighting with Russia against Napoleon… and to that end, on March 17th 1813 he issued a famous proclamation known as An Mein Volk ("To my People") asking for voluntary enlistment in the Prussian army…
in direct response, our intrepid gym rat, gymnastics coach and Prussian patriot, Vater Jahn said:
[ja, listen to me now and believe me later. you know]
actually, I don’t know what he said… what we do know is that he joined a famous volunteer group known as the Lützowsches...
[try again. come on, come on]
Lützowsches... Lützowsches Freikorps...
[be serious now. concentrate. it’s not hopeless. men before you have finally gotten quite acceptable pronunciation]
[your German pronunciation must be much better]
yeah. yeah, I get it... anyway, the colors of their flag were famously black, red and gold, and were later adopted for the modern German flag…
[yeah, so what?]
obviously, there had to have been 5 coalitions preceding this 6th one that Fritzi and Vater Jahn were involved in… each coalition had been organized to prevent the French revolution from spreading across Europe, and to eventually kick the French (and Napoleon) back to hell… or at least out of Germany and Italy and Poland and Portugal and Spain…
[get the fuck outta here]
and as they had each been soundly defeated... whaddya know…
[six times was a charm]
exactly...
fortunately for Vater Jahn, the Grimms, and everyone who preferred victory cabbage, er I mean Sauerkraut to choucroute… there was one helluva decisive battle in October of that year, 1813… it was so big and so nasty it became known as the bloody Battle of Nations or the slaughter at Leipzig…
[yikes!]
having been laid low in Russia the year before, this battle marked the moment Napoleon’s fortunes went from bad to worse…
[sacré bleu!]
his defeat on German soil meant that he and the French were finally kicked out of a good portion of Germany… most importantly, the terms of this defeat were decided on May 30, 1814 in yet another Treaty of Paris…
[ooh la la]
this Treaty had 33 main articles, and was made particularly memorable by #6 which said:
[The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part…] Otis B. Driftwood
uh, no…
Article VI was short and to the point, and it said:
„Die Deutschen Staaten bleiben unabhängig, und durch ein Förderativ-Band unter einander verknüpft.“
“The states of Germany shall be independent, and united by a federative bond.”
[Bond, James Bond]
[ahem]
now I’m not suggesting that the Grimms had Herr Holzhacker tying that tree branch to some fairytale tree by way of this federative bond…
[I fucken’ hope not]
um, yeah, well, all I’m saying is that Article 6 at least sounded like what Vater Jahn and most patriotic Germans (including the Grimms) wanted…
[Meine lieben Freunde, ihr seid hierhin gekommen um den Präsidenten Kennedy zu hören / cheering]
[well I don’t know about that]
right, and that’s pretty astute because all of the details were left up in the air… getting everyone to agree on what the nuts and bolts of that federative bond were actually gonna be meant that politicians had to get involved to hammer out the details…
[shit!]
and that’s where article 32 came in...
[what the fuck is that?]
Article 32 said:
[the party of the second part…]
[ahem]
it said:
“…within the space of two months, send plenipotentiaries to Vienna, for the purpose of regulating, in general congress, the arrangements which are to complete the provisions of the present treaty.”
[so what?]
see, with Napoleon out of the way on Elba, and France kicked out of most of Germany, all the parties involved — with plenty of plenipotentiaries, one of whom was Jacob Grimm himself — picked up and moved from Paris to Vienna… where they had one hell of a ginormous party… and I do mean party…
🎶 party music 🎶
from September 1814 to September 1815 diplomats and their entourages had fancy dinner parties, masquerade parties, and fairytale Cinderella balls every friggen’ night…
[everybody, put your hands up in the air]
🎶 waltz music 🎶
the event is known as the Congress of Vienna, and it was meant to bring about a permanent peace in Europe…
[aah]
but then wouldn’t you know, right in the middle of the party
[vinyl scritch]
Napoleon escaped from Elba
[oh no!]
yeah, and kinda like the pissed off fairy who hadn’t been invited to Sleeping Beauty’s birthday bash, he rudely interrupted the festivities for one last bite of the apple...
[party time bitches!]
[damn]
this of course meant yet another fighting coalition…
[oh boy. oh boy.]
and it was this 7th coalition that made Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, famous for something other than Gordon Ramsey’s signature dish…
[dad joke groan]
it also turned the word Waterloo into a synonym for well, the end of the line…
🎶 Danger Ahead 🎶
after his famous 100 days, Napoleon got his ass kicked once and for all, and was punted way out into the middle of the Atlantic, never to return…
[water splash 2]
then, in yet another Treaty of Paris, France got its peenie wacked,
[owwww]
[what?]
well, it got its borders trimmed back to pretty much where they are today… and in that seemingly endless game of European tit for tat, France was forced to pony up a fortune in war reparations…
[méprisable! oui, oui]
[merde!]
with all that settled, everyone got back to partying in Vienna and the business of carving up Europe, er, I mean making peace… which of course meant dividing up the real estate as peacefully and as politely as possible, and to everyone’s satisfaction…
🎶 waltz music 🎶
[naturally]
[give me some candy now]
[that sounds fine]
oh they were polite alright... and very proper... the final result of this famous real estate deal is known as the General Treaty of the Final Act of the Congress of Vienna… and it had 121 sections or Articles...band while I don’t wanna bore you with the details, some of them are, indeed, outright funny...
[funny, how? I mean what’s funny about it?]
you know... funny... for example, the first 14 of those Articles carved up Poland…
and so ART. III. says:
"His Imperial and Royal Apostolic Majesty shall possess, in full property and sovereignty, the salt-mines of Wieliczka"
[it’s mine. it’s all mine] Elaine Benes
[ahem]
the next 15 through 64 Articles carved up Germany... one of the most interesting of those articles, ART. XXIX. says:
"His Majesty the King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, King of Hanover, cedes to his Majesty the King of Prussia, to be possessed by him and his successors, in full property and sovereignty... the village of Goose Pond (Gänseteich)…"
[It’s mine, mine, mine. All mine!]
[omg]
Articles 65 through one-o-something carved up the rest of Europe in similar fashion,
[blah, blah, blah, blah]
and the final few Articles dealt with administrative logistics…
[hey wait, wait...what does this say here? this thing here]
[oh that’s the usual clause, that’s in every contract]
[that’s what they call a sanity clause]
[ahem]
but then, all comedy aside in a separate, appended Act — known as:
[number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9]
well yeah, it was Act #9 but it was better known by its official title: the Federative Constitution of Germany…
[holy shit!]
[OMG! OMG! OMG!]
yeah this was seriously important because it spelled out the details of the famously vague federative bond referred to in the famously vague Article 6 of that earlier Treaty of Paris…
[this is really confusing for me]
yeah all those numbers confused the fuck outta me too... but whatever they called it, number 9 took those newly liberated and consolidated German states and combined them into a single official entity that going forward would now be recognized under international law and known as
[Roma!]
uh, no… der Deutsche Bund…
the German Confederation…
[applause]
this whole business was signed on June 9, 1815 and then on June 12, just 3 days later, as if in support of the news, the students of the University at Jena abolished all of their separate fraternities and proclaimed the first pan German fraternity organized along the lines proposed and promoted by guess who:
[ja, hear me now and believe me later]
that’s right, it was Vater Jahn…
up to then university students had always banded together in rival fraternities representing their home cities and states… but Jahn’s new concept was to organize one great big national fraternity with branches in each University
[oh very nice, much better]
these new Burshenshaften put into practice the idea of togetherness and commonality as Germans and thus mirrored the idea of a newly minted and newly united Germany…
[oh very nice]
naturally, with Vater Jahn the gym rat as a guiding influence, these newly combined fraternities became famous for
[drinking beer?]
well, I don’t know about that... but they were heavily into gymnastics... and as a gratuitous aside, they were also famous for a particular form of friendly competition known as:
[pie eating contest]
[let the games begin]
[ahem]
uh, no... they were famous for academic fencing…
[what’s that?]
this is a form of dueling that’s very different from modern Olympic fencing… instead of moving back and forth along a piste, it requires the contestants to stand in place and face each other a little more than an arm’s length apart… not only that, instead of using modern sport weapons, they use razor sharp swords...
[holy shit!]
[ouch!]
yeah, it meant that academic fencing — which apparently is still a thing in Germany — was responsible for that peculiar badge of the Teutonic macho man, the dueling scar…
[oh hello…]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 4 [53:03]
Teil vier: In which J. Edgar Hoover, Henry Kissinger, Steve Bannon, Richard J. Daley, and George Wallace walk into a bar and order hardboiled eggs
[oh crap!]
500 students try walking in the opposite direction
[we ran out of alcohol]
alrighty, well... getting back to business here, the nuts and bolts of this new federative bond and der deutsche Bund turned out to be a serious disappointment to the students…
[ah, why?]
that’s because of one politician in particular:
Austria’s über-conservative foreign minister, Prince Klemens von Metternich… an old world combination J. Edgar Hoover, Henry Kissinger, Steve Bannon character…
[Curly]
Metternich made sure that even as all of those German speaking principalities and duchies and kingdoms got connected into a more modern sort of Germany than had ever existed… they wouldn’t be so well connected that they formed a country as powerful as Austria or Russia or England or even France…
[why not?]
in the greater scheme of things this allowed for a more stable balance of power in Europe… the so-called Concert of Europe…
[and they all lived happily ever after]
well, that’s almost true... it actually led to a prolonged period of peace that so impressed Henry Kissinger — a fan-boy of Metternich – that he wrote his PhD thesis on it... but it didn’t impress everyone...
while this new confederation was known as der deutsche Bund, it wasn’t Deutschland… and as I said, it had no real power…
[now that’s not fair]
[Scheise! Scheise!]
right... this just naturally disappointed the hell out of Jahn and most University students
[on every fucking level]
but even worse was that it’s sole active function was to send troops anywhere students might be getting their peppers hot and pushing for liberal reforms…
[booing]
in fact, this new deutscher Bund was, according to Wikipedia:
“…the main instrument of the reactionary forces…to suppress democracy, liberalism and nationalism.”
[mother fucker!]
so how does all that fit into Herr Holzhacker’s tree branch contraption…???
[I don’t think you know]
considering that this Act #9 was attached to the new law bundling together those 39 German states and cities into the new Bund — it’s possible Wilhelm Grimm meant his contraption as an allusion to all of this political attaching and bonding… and that instead of taking an axe to the old, repressive way of doing things, the new law turned out to be just a lot of noise…
but that’s still pretty weak sauce… and as far as historical facts go, Article #9 only takes us to the middle of 1815…
[oh no]
we’ve still got to reach 1819 to get the full picture...
[oh no]
yeah, it kinda sucks, but I think we can fast forward from 1815 to 1817...
[sound of tape deck FF]
after 2 years of putting up with nothing more inspiring than repression and business as usual, Vater Jahn and his fraternity students were understandably…
[mad as hell]
but they did they pull a Howard Beale…? of course not... protests, demonstrations and rallies were strictly forbidden... and as compelling as Howard Beale’s famous Network rant was, it’s still a striking example of demagoguery and rabbel-rousing… which back then would have triggered that reactionary business of sending troops in to break some heads, er, I mean keep the peace… just like, uh, you know...
[The confrontation was not created by the police. The confrontation was created by the people who charged the police. Gentlemen, get the thing straight once and for all. The policeman isn’t there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder.]
[oh boy]
so what did the students do?
[well, I... I don’t know]
well they didn’t protest… not technically, that is... actually, they organized a little festival to celebrate the 300th anniversary of Martin Luther’s um, protest…
[the leader of the demonstrations in Alabama Mr King has said that he will not obey an unjust order and he also said yesterday they were going to march regardless of what the federal courts say]
[fucken A!]
this wasn’t Alabama, and it wasn’t exactly a march... it was a celebration that also happened to coincide with the fourth anniversary of the bloody Battle of Nations at Leipzig… the battle that kicked Napoleon’s ass and kicked the French out of Germany…
[oh! very nice]
on October 18, 1817 the students made a solemn march up to the Wartburg castle…
[hmm, what is that?]
that was where Luther had found secret refuge after being declared a heretic and excommunicated by the Vatican… not only had he been kicked out of the Catholic church, the Holy Roman Emperor kicked Luther out of the fucking Holy Roman Empire, declaring him Vogelfrei or free as a bird… which kinda sounds like fun, except it meant he was an outlaw who was free game for anyone and everyone and not entitled to a roof over his head…
[it’s like a little nightmare]
no doubt about that...
turns out that even before Luther’s time Wartburg castle was something of a national shrine, but his presence there had definitely turned it into a potent symbol of protest…
[true that]
so the Grimms wanted us to remember that fateful night in 1817 when about 500 of the new national fraternity students from all over Germany got together and did lots of singing and drinking and speechifying without overtly protesting the reactionary, authoritarian politics of Metternich and his masterplan for Europe and Austria…
[from this day forward it’s going to be only Austria first, Austria first]
[argidurgadurg]
so what does this have to do with Hansel and Gretel…?
[beats me]
exactly...
from what we know of the story’s original intent, which is to say the intent of its author… it’s got nothing at all to do with Hansel and Gretel…
[what?]
what we’re seeing here is that Wilhelm Grimm insisted on stuffing Martin Luther, the Wartburgfest, Vater Jahn, the wishy-washy King of Prussia, his wife, Luise, the French Revolution, the Napoleonic wars, 2 — or was that 3? — treaties of Paris, the Congress of Vienna, the entire new Deutscher Bund
[and 2 hard boiled eggs]
uh yeah, and god knows what else he tried cramming into his silly tree contraption…
[♪ - make that 3 hard boiled eggs]
Wilhelm shoehorned this whole clunky Frankenstein creation of his own making into a well crafted story that already had monsters aplenty…
[oh my god]
that leaves us with 2 questions: first how do we know all this to be true…? and second, if it is true, why the fuck did he do that…?
[because... I don’t know]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 5 [1:02:35]
Teil fünf: In which we prove that Wilhelm Grimm tried to write the German version of War and Peace and cram it all into one single word
[fuuck] cognito
first of all, we’ve spent all this time figuring out what the Grimms were up to because our intuition sensed that Wilhelm had tried hiding something important in his clumsy construction… it was intuition that told us his sentence was a metalepsis...referring back to some historic facts or some older literary piece...
[yeah, that’s what it is]
funny enough, it wasn’t some older literary piece... the ginormous load of historic facts we had to gather and sift through are more consistent with Tolstoy’s War and Peace... a literary work that wasn’t published until after both Grimm boys had passed...
still it was logic that went to work and tried to reconstruct how Wilhelm might have pieced all those facts together and crammed them into his tree branch thingy... not to mention figure out exactly what he was complaining about... which as I said, was the King of Prussia’s weak conservative character and Turnvater Jahn’s strong liberal character...
true, there’s no smoking gun proving we’re absolutely correct… or maybe there is…
[really?]
I mean, let’s just look at the text…
[I don’t wanna] hey, bear with me, okay… there’s one little word that’s gonna tie this whole thing together… and prove our conjecture...
[why don’t you go ahead and show me]
from that second edition of 1819 through the 4th edition of 1840, Wilhelm had the father tying some random tree branch to some random tree…
[yeah]
suddenly, in 1843 he added one little word to indicate that the tree was withered…
[who cares?]
hey, stick with me here... and just listen for it:
„Und weil sie die Schläge der Holzaxt hörten, so glaubten sie ihr Vater wäre in der Nähe. Es war aber nicht die Holzaxt, es war ein Ast, den er an einen dürren Baum gebunden hatte und den der Wind hin und her schlug.“
“And as they heard the strokes of the wood-axe they believed that their father was near. It was, however, not the axe, it was a branch which he had fastened to a withered tree which the wind was blowing backwards and forwards.”
did you catch it?
[no, I haven’t noticed anything]
Wilhelm changed the wording from einen Baum to einen dürren Baum…
[ja, ja, it’s okay]
uh, thank you…
Dürre is the word for drought or dryness or aridity… used as an adjective, it gives us a dried up old or withered tree…
[so what’s your point?]
back at the Wartburg festival, in addition to all of the singing and speechifying, our gym rat, Vater Jahn and a few other guys had arranged a little extra-curricular activity that was a bit more provocative and was literally inflammatory…
[what?]
a book burning…
[time to burn]
[oh dear, that’s rather alarming]
this book burning thing was way more theatrical than incendiary… and symbolically, it was more than interesting...
I mean, Wartburg was the very place where Luther had publicly burned the pope’s bull Exsurge domine casting him out of the Church, and damning him as a heretic…
[3 women scream]
[Curly]
in reality, the books these students threw on the fire weren’t even books, they were just props — bundles of paper meant to represent the books that were listed on a famous little sheet that forms part of the historic record, and must have made the rounds as something of a keepsake…
all in all, this little bonfire was carried out more in the silly satiric spirit of Karnival than in malice…
[so it’s okay]
👓
False Fire: The Wartburg Book-Burning of 1817 / Steven Michael Press Central European History 42 (2009), 621—646.
👓
I’d have to bet that’s true... still it was a gesture born out of protest and frustration…
[okay, that’s what you fucking do!]
protest against all of the stultifying conservativism that characterized the newly formed German Confederation…
[and they should go fuck themselves!]
well, there had to be some anger, still the frustration was over the exciting promise of German unity that Article 6 was meant to sound like, but which in reality turned out to be pretty bogus…
[sound of anger / son of a bitch!]
after all, kicking the French out of Germany — which is what Vater Jahn and a lot of fraternity students had literally fought for — was supposed to be a matter of national liberation…
[hooray!]
they expected their victory — and Article 6 — to give them more of a voice in the governing of a newly unified German Nation…
[I mean, wouldn’t that be so fucking awesome?]
instead it allowed all the dried up old guard conservative monarchs to come back out of exile, pop some very fucking expensive bottles of champagne, and carry on exactly as they had before, complete with their powdered wigs and despotic privilege…
[booing]
so here’s the thing… one of the organizers of that largely symbolic book burning was a gymnast student and close friend of Vater Jahn…
[I am Hans and I am Franz]
[ahem]
his name was Christian Eduard Leopold Dürre (1796-1879)
[I was known as the Pavlova of the parallels]
[OMG]
hey, that may even be true...
as family names go, Dürre sounds totally unremarkable to those of us who don’t speak German…
[roger that]
but at the time, anyone familiar with news stories of the Wartburgfest — and the highly publicized book burning — would have been well aware of Dürre’s involvement… and so Wilhelm’s addition of that one little word would have been recognized as a clever metaleptic reference to Wartburg, Vater Jahn, the book burning and everything it stood for…
[mmm, I think maybe]
hey, at the very least, it would have been recognized by those readers Wilhelm hoped most to impress…
[yes, yes, I can see that]
except why was that single word, that adjective, only added to the story in the 5th 1843 edition…???
I gotta confess, I don’t know…
[excuse you]
all I know for sure is that an article written by Dürre appeared in the Allgemeine Zeitung on October 1st 1843… and it was dedicated to Hans Ferdinand Maßmann… a friend and gymnast colleague who was a major player at the book-burning and who had become — of all things — a Germanist and philologist in the very mold of Jacob Grimm…
in fact Maßmann was even mentioned in the same breath with Jacob Grimm in a poem by Heinrich Heine…
[it was very copacetic]
the poem in question was only published in 1844, but prior to official publication it could have found its way to flattering the Grimms via the internet of the time, the Republic of Letters…
[interesting]
now as I said, the facts involved were so extensive
[make that 3 hard boiled eggs - (♪) - and one duck egg]
without mentioning Dürre, it’s possible that by 1843 — 26 years after Wartburg — not too many people were able to get Wilhelm’s little inside joke…
[earth to muscle man, you know, are you still with us?]
with or without mentioning Dürre, connecting the dots on all of those historic facts from the American Revolution through the French Revolution, the Napoleonic wars and the Congress of Vienna, and finally arriving at Article 6, Article 32, and Act #9… well it takes some doing…
[(♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪...) - it’s either foggy out or make that 12 more hard boiled eggs]
the facts all fit, still it’s awkward as hell, not because we’re not professional philologists... it’s because Wilhelm was not much of an artist — professional or otherwise — and his clumsy contraption reflects the unwieldy clumsiness of the metalepsis he constructed…
[OMG! OMG!]
so that that brings us back to our second question:
[is my aunt minnie in here?]
[ahem]
why did Wilhelm even bother to reference the Wartburgfest in the first place…?
[people like unknowns]
*🎶*🎶*
PART 6 [1:13:23]
Teil sechs: In which we follow the Grimms to Charley’s Bath House for a little schvitz, a lotta fake news, and a major switch to channel 13, er I mean Article 13 and our next 2 episodes
[a rebroadcast of president reagan’s press conference tonight at midnight here on 13]
[oh that’s a lotta fake news]
the Wartburg festival took place in 1817… and it seems that nobody took it very seriously at the time… certainly not the 30 something buttoned-down Grimms, who if anything, might have considered it much too adventurous and frivolous an undertaking for their decidedly conservative taste…
[most assuredly]
despite the fact that secret police investigations and interrogations actually confirmed it to be more like student hijinks than any organized threat… certain arch-conservative papers gave the festival and the book burning the uh, fair and balanced treatment... you know, kinda like...
[and I’m gonna get beat up like you haven’t seen for this. well by all the left-wing comedians... a bunch of long-haired maggot-infested dope-smoking protesters]
[oh god, oh jesus!]
they certainly blew it way out of proportion to the facts, hoping, of course, to light a fire under the majority of conservative monarchs... and Fritzi-Willi in particular...
in any case, Metternich,, the Austrian Steve Bannon / J. Edgar Hoover, did a slow burn for about 2 years until the bizarre, but famous assassination of August Kotzebue by Karl Sand in March of 1819…
[what?] confused
well, it was famous back then…
Kotzebue was a witty playwright and diplomat… who was also the author of a book that was burned in Vater Jahn’s book roast…
Sand, his assassin, was a wackadoodle extremist fraternity student who had also been there at Wartburg…
using the assassination as a final straw excuse,
[it shoulda never happened, grossly incompetent people]
Metternich organized a little secret me-time for conservative diplomats at a place known as Charley’s BathHouse, er, I mean Carlsbad… a famous spa town about 100 kilometers west of Prague…
[aah, I love it]
this turned into a month long working vacation during which they came up with a number of measures to crack down and put a lid on liberal students, professors, journalists, and politicians, and so prevent anybody from even thinking about making a ruckus…
[you better believe it]
[that’s right]
the meetings took place during the month of August 1819, and on September 20th, 1819 the so-called Carlsbad decrees went into law…
one of those laws banned all Burschenschaften / student fraternities…
[radical left lunatics]
another one increased Censorship of the press and all written material…
[because they are the fake fake disgusting news]
a third law made active surveillance of University professors and their lectures mandatory
[my administration is also working to protect our children from toxic ideologies in our schools]
and finally, a special committee was set up to prosecute anyone who criticized the government or tried to stir up support for liberal reforms…
[my administration has acted swiftly and decisively — because we’re getting wokeness out of our schools and out of our military, and it’s already out, and it’s out of our society; we don’t want it. it’s gone. it’s gone.]
even in German, that business regarding censorship of the press had a funny familiar ring to it because in the official minutes of the 8th day of the meeting in Carlsbad, #2 on the hit list of topics to discuss was:
„der Mißbrauch der Presse, und insbesondere der Zeitungs-Unfug…“
"the abuse of the press, and in particular fake news…"
[the people that support trump, and the people that support us, which is alotta people, most people, many people. those people know when a story is true and they know when a story is false]
[argidurgadurg]
as I said, the Carlsbad decrees had come out in September 1819, and the Grimms’ second edition came out 2 months later in mid-November of 1819… for our purposes that gives Wilhelm just enough lead time to come up with his half-baked tree branch idea and krazy glue it into the story…
still, none of this explains exactly why Wilhelm chose to reference the Wartburgfest… in fact, I don’t believe he was into criticizing Metternich or even those Carlsbad decrees… the Grimms make it pretty clear in their letters to friends and colleagues that they were anything but gung-ho liberals…
[to know a man. to really know a man. his level of integrity, his political stance. you have to get deep into the interior of his skivvies]
[oh, well]
there was however one more fact that made its way into Wilhelm’s tree contraption… something that makes it more obvious that he had gone off the reservation and was complaining about politics…
this is a fact that even supplies a hidden link between the Wartburgfest (and hence his tree contraption) and his decision to change Hansel and Gretel’s evil mother into their evil step-mother…
[alright already!]
and it all starts with Article 13 of the Final Act of the Congress of Vienna of July 9, 1815… remember we had Article 6 and Act# 9 and now we’ve got an Article 13
[it’s all complicated]
well that’s for sure... it’s complicated as fuck, but these 3 articles — taken together as a kind of broken promise — are key to what Wilhelm was complaining about...
Article 13 said:
„In allen Bundesstaaten wird eine Landständige Verfassung stattfinden.“
"each member state of the Confederation will have its own constitution."
the key word, of course, being
[confusion?]
well, that certainly fits, but uh, no... the word is constitution...
now remember, with the French getting kicked out of Germany liberals had hoped for a strong, unified German state with a democratic constitution… a constitution allowing freedom of the press, freedom of speech, and freedom of assembly… not to mention no taxation without representation… everything that students had hoped to promote with their Wartburgfest…
[you’re asking too much]
[exactly]
The Grimms themselves wanted a strong and unified German state, but they had no interest in full blown democracy… what they preferred would have been a constitutional monarchy... meaning some representation along with a genteel, but alpha dog emperor in charge of the whole country…
[like me]
[ahem]
Article 13 though, did none of those things…
[what?]
it was so vaguely worded it could have passed for another one of Fritzi-Willi’s empty promises…
however, that vagueness was something Metternich intended to resolve at his spa meetings… and we don’t just have the agenda for those meetings, we have the minutes of those meetings as they were recorded each day… on the 7th day of the meeting, the minutes recorded these ominous words:
„das Fortschreiten auf dem Wege repräsentativer Verfassung in Bundesstaaten von Bundeswegen aufzuhalten….“
"progress towards a representative constitution in federal states must be stopped….”
[crowd booing]
[but that is not all]
„…eine Volksvertretung nur das Ende oder der Anfang einer Revolution sein könne….“
“…a popular representation could only be the end, or the beginning of a revolution….”
[wokeness is trouble. wokeness is bad. it’s gone. it’s gone and we feel so much better for it. don’t we. don’t we feel better?]
[I’m not saying nuthin]
see, that’s why Wartburg made its way into the tree branch contraption... because Wartburg was connected to Dürre who was connected to Vater Jahn, who was connected to both Fritzi-Willi and to the book burning, which was connected to Sand who was connected to Kötzebue whose assassination was connected to Carlsbad which turned out to be Metternich’s means of keeping the new German state on a tight leash...
[angry dog]
on the one hand, the Grimms got their wish of a somewhat unified nation of German speakers, but even though it was far from being a powerful entity, it’s hard to grasp exactly what about it got their peppers hot…
basically, Metternich was their kinda guy… hell, given the chance, they probably woulda been MAGA men...
[and our country will be woke no longer]
[sound of snoring]
[hey. hey you]
oh boy... as far as I can tell, it seems that the whole business of taxation without representation — which might as well have been the underpinning of Metternich’s hold on power — wasn’t something they cared much about…
all of which leads us to the conclusion that unlike our fairytale author, these guys were pretty clumsy with this metalepsis of their own creation...
so I think it’s time we ask a much more pressing question: what did all this have to do with Wilhelm changing Hansel and Gretel’s mother into their step-mother…???
and the answer is: nothing… not in the 1819 second edition… that switcheroo didn’t even happen until 1840, and the 4th edition…
in 1819, the Grimms were gainfully employed, solid middle class right-leaning Biedermeier yuppies with no interest in gymnastics, or in politics… and now that the French were gone, they had no interest whatsoever in revolution or even a constitution…
so between 1819 and 1840, what happened to make them kill off Herr Holzhacker’s first wife…???
[good question]
well, in our next 2 episodes we’re gonna get to the bottom of that question and discover the truth of the matter once and for all… and you my dear frents and listeners are gonna be the first on your block to know...
[and finally]
yup!
before I go...
extra-special thanks to German teacher extraordinaire, Nicole Warner, for lending her lovely voice to the 1819 snippet of Hansel and Gretel in English. Nicole is based in that land north of Illinois famous for beer, brats, cheese, and annoying quarterbacks... but she has clients across the globe... you can find her at germanwithnicole.com
Danke sehr! as always to my parts partner Anna Jacobsen of annajacobsen.de
and shout out to friend and fellow podcaster Danny van Leeuwen of health-hats.com thanks for your on-going support, Danny. and if any of youse two, three guys listening out there wanna be like Danny, you can show your support for this podcast through that buy me a coffee link in the notes or on the website...
[I don’t think so]
yeah well, even if you don’t you can still go to the website to find transcripts, links and all the credits for each episode...
[how do I find your show?]
oh, you know the drill
[visit us on the web at wwwwwwwwww dot] betweenthelines.xyz
[certainly]
so I think you’ve heard enough from me for now... these next 2 episodes are already written, but they’re in dire need of an editorial coat of paint... I’ve got my brushes and dropcloths ready to go... all I need now is a little time to do the job...
[let’s hope you make the most of it my boy]
alrighty then...
ciao a tutti...
slinkin' like a lizard do
[goodbye]
**There are still another 100 or so peanuts that I want to credit below... I hope to get to them (and the remaining credits from Episode 39) within the next couple of days... my apologies for the delay...***
got a question, or just want to say hi...?
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*Chapter Titles, 1819 version, and sonstiges material read by Anna Jacobsen*
*Original German Fairytale Reading by Jürgen Lexow*
*English translation of manuscript read by Nicole Warner*
*Librivox recording of Hansel and Gretel (1857 version - auf Deutsch) read by Stephan Gambke*
*Librivox recording of Hansel and Gretel (1857 version - in English) read by Deborah Knight*
Music Credits:
*🎶*🎶* Bleeping Demo by Kevin MacLeod of incompetech.com and licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License
🎶 Anachronist 🎶 by Kevin MacLeod of incompetech.com and licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License
🎶 slinkin' like a lizard do 🎶 courtesy of deleted_user_4338788 and freesound.org
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution License
kristo's awesome Peanut Gallery
(in order of appearance, and most, courtesy of freesound.org)
@00:00 "Constipated...???" - AI Announcer
@00:04 "I should...” courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@00:07 "definitely" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@00:08 🎶 Park Avenue Beat 🎶 - Fred Steiner
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Steiner
@00:21 "Do you swear...???" - AI Announcer
@00:34 "Don't you blaspheme...!" - Mrs. Murphy
@00:37 "fuggedaboudit!" - Tony Lasagna
@00:39 "what is this?" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@00:54 "...better get comfortable" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@01:42 "I don't care" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@01:58 "you are very careful” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@02:28 “oh, good” courtesy of Iceofdoom and freesound.org
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@02:35 "whatever" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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PART ONE / Teil eins @02:38
@03:00 "the world’s hottest peppers" - Lizzy Wurst
@03:03 "why the fuck not?" courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@03:05 "OMGOMGOMGOMG…!!!" - Lizzy Wurst
@04:16 "shhh... we’re in a library..." courtesy of InspectorJ
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@04:33 "don't go there!" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@04:52 "Thanks, but no, thanks" - Mike Ehrmantraut
@05:13 "spaghetti" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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@05:55 🎶 HBO Splash 🎶
@06:00 “really?” courtesy of michellelindemann1 and freesound.org
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@06:28 "wow" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@07:05 "nonononoono!!!" - John Oliver
@07:14 "OMG, OMG" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@07:39 "indeed" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@07:53 "I don't think you know" courtesy of jhyland and freesound.org
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@08:06 "alright, if you insist" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@09:09 "WTF!" courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@09:11 "OMG!" courtesy of yeahyeahyup and freesound.org
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@09:13 "...serious problems" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@09:20 "absofuckenlutely!" - Jay Landsman
@09:51 "🎵 whistle 🎵 That’s what I said…" - Perry Mason & Paul Drake
@10:10 "it's terrible..." courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@10:50 "ja, ja, it's okay” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@11:06 "you tell me" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@11:23 "that's not funny" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@11:31 “maybe” courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@11:37 "...do I have to?" courtesy of PureDesignGirl and freesound.org
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@12:05 "alright already, get on with it!" courtesy of metrostock99 and freesound.org
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@12:24 “that shit is fucked up” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@12:35 "...pretend to be Russian" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@12:41 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@12:52 "oh, really?" courtesy of xyahka and freesound.org
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@13:27 crowd booing courtesy of tim.kahn and freesound.org
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@13:46 "not good" courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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@13:54 "oh yeah” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@14:21 "anything you want..." courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@14:33 "damn!" courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@15:03 "your husband is always right" courtesy of crashoverride6 and freesound.org
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@15:06 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@15:39 "you bet your ass!" - Frank Reynolds
@16:25 "who's this?" courtesy of PacificSea and freesound.org
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@16:30 "but first…" - Mark Carman
PART TWO / Teil zwei @16:35
@16:50 "…not my last words" - Ben Hollis
@17:35 "yes, I know” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@17:53 "…pump YOU up" - Hans & Franz
@18:02 "yes, I know” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@18:23 "ooh..." courtesy of DrFortyseven and freesound.org
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@18:58 "you got THAT right" - Tony Soprano
@19:12 "huh...?" courtesy of deleted_user_2104797 and freesound.org
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@19:20 "can you believe that?" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@19:22 "listen to me now…" - Franz
@19:26 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@19:38 "I don't know" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@19:56 "why not?" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@20:49 "who cares?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@21:24 "(radio) that’s correct" courtesy of cityrocker and freesound.org
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@21:26 “no one wants...” courtesy of ERH and freesound.org
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@21:54 "nyaaaahh..." - Curly
@22:04 "...kinda boring" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@22:11 "uh oh!" courtesy of DWOBoyle and freesound.org
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@22:22 "Mr. Capone says…" - Frank Nitti
@22:27 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@22:58 "oh absolutely" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@23:06 why won’t you share? courtesy of nuncaconci and freesound.org
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@23:17 "please, don’t do that" courtesy of girlhurl and freesound.org
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@23:36 "what’s that?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@23:50 “OOOH!!!” - Johnny Vincente
@23:54 "What!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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@24:08 "WTF!" courtesy of buggly and freesound.org
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@24:19 "hmmm, what’s that?" courtesy of pyro13djt and freesound.org
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@24:54 "that's correct" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@25:36 "oh no, you can't be serious..." courtesy of cognito perceptu and freesound.org
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@25:41 "listen to me now…" - Hans
@26:50 🎶 inquisition splash 🎶 - Monty Python
@27:06 ah HA...! courtesy of se2001 and freesound.org
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@27:23 "wow" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@27:37 applause courtesy of deleted_user_2104797 and freesound.org
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@29:16 "oooh" courtesy of brunchik and freesound.org
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@28:18 "What's your point?" - George Costanza
@29:26 "I don't know" courtesy of kurtless and freesound.org
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@29:33 “what the fuck is that?” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@29:46 "oh, no!" courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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@29:57 "why?" courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@30:05 "oh, no!" courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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@30:35 "what are you talking about?" courtesy of laelizondo and freesound.org
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@30:37 "WTF!" courtesy of Magic-Cap and freesound.org
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@30:52 "alright, if you insist" courtesy of bogenseeberg and freesound.org
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@31:05 "what’s that?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@31:30 "group-shocked - ooh!" courtesy of thanvannispen and freesound.org
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@31:32 "no way" courtesy of kathid and freesound.org
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@32:25 "what?” courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@32:34 "read my lips" - 43
@33:03 “Oh Fuck!” courtesy of SCICOFILMS.com and freesound.org
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@33:04 crowd booing courtesy of tim.kahn and freesound.org
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@33:06 "what a surprise..." courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@33:39 crowd yelling BS courtesy of alex36917 and freesound.org
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@34:07 "oh, very nice...” courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@34:42 "nice line" courtesy of RichieMcMullen and freesound.org
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@35:01 "awesome man!" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@35:04 "...to implement" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@35:25 "of course" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@35:26 "waaait a second" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@35:44 "what else is new?" - Tony Soprano
@36:23 "yup!" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@36:51 "liar” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@37:00 "waaait a second" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@37:24 "hmm..." courtesy of agent vivid
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@37:26 "oooh, I see..." courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@37:38 "but first…" - Mark Carman
@37:41 "...take a piss" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@37:43 "ooh!" courtesy of Reitanna Seishin and freesound.org
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PART THREE / Teil drei @37:46
@38:07 🎶 German singing 🎶 courtesy of nurinusde s and freesound.org
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@38:13 "pretty drunk..." courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@38:58 "listen to me now…" - Franz
@39:15-34 "try again... your German pronunciation..." courtesy of vumseplutten1709 and freesound.org
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@39:49 "yeah, so what?" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@40:17 "get the fuck outta here" - Tony Soprano
@40:26 "six times…" - Vincent Gambini
@40:58 "Yikes!" courtesy of jorickhoofd and freesound.org
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@41:08 "sacré bleu!" - a French waiter
@41:28 "ooh la la" courtesy of jppi_Stu and freesound.org
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@41:40 "the party of the first part…" - Otis B. Driftwood
@42:05 "Bond…" - James Bond
@42:10 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@42:22 "I fucken’ hope not" - Ben Cafferty
@42:37 "Meine lieben Freunde…" - Konrad Adenauer
@42:48 "well, I don't know…" - Tomasso
@43:10 "shit!" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@43:16 “what the fuck is that?” courtesy of cheesepuff and freesound.org
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@43:21 "the party of the second part…" - Otis B. Driftwood
@43:25 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@43:44 "so what!" courtesy of deleted_user_1390811 and freesound.org
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@44:09 🎶 party music 🎶 courtesy of szegvari and freesound.org
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@44:29 "...put your hands up...” courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@44:33 🎶 Wiener Blut Op.354 Waltz 🎶 - Johann Strauss https://musopen.org/music/9991-viennese-spirit-op-354/
@44:41 "aaah..." courtesy of manchesterprod2 and freesound.org
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@44:54 "oh no!" courtesy of nooc and freesound.org
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@45:08 "party time...!" courtesy of Duisterwho and freesound.org
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@45:11 "damn!" courtesy of Tim Kahn and Amy Gedgaudas and freesound.org
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@45:16 "(an exasperated) oh boy... oh boy..." courtesy of AmeAngelofSin and freesound.org
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@45:30 dad joke groans courtesy of TeamMasaka and freesound.org
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@45:43 🎶 Danger Ahead 🎶 - Walter Schumann https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragnet_(1951_TV_series) Danger Ahead https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Schumann
@45:59 kerplop courtesy of hello_flowers and freesound.org
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@46:08 "owwww!” courtesy of xtrgamr and freesound.org
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@46:08 "what?!" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@46:27 "méprisable! oui, oui" - Michel Poiccard & Patricia Franchini
@46:29 "merde!" - Stanley Ipkiss @46:35 🎶 Wiener Blut Op.354 Waltz 🎶 - Johann Strauss https://musopen.org/music/9991-viennese-spirit-op-354/
@46:52 "naturally" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@46:53 "...candy now!!" courtesy of Babylon_Horuv and freesound.org
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@46:56 "that sounds fine" courtesy of bectec and freesound.org
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@47:23 "funny how?" - Tommy DeVito
@47:50 "It's mine. It's all mine." - Elaine Benes
@43:25 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@47:50 "And it's mine, mine, mine! All mine!" - Miss Piggy
@48:29 "OMG!" courtesy of buggly and freesound.org
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@48:39 "blah, blah, blah..." courtesy of unfa and freesound.org
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@48:39 "what's that here...?" - Tomasso
@48:56 "...the sanity claus" - Otis B. Driftwood
@49:06 "number 9..." - The Beatles
@49:23 "oh mein gott..." courtesy of Roses1401 and freesound.org
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@49:40 "...confusing for me" courtesy of Krystal Flores and freesound.org
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@50:07 "Roma!" courtesy of Nighteller and freesound.org
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@50:15 applause courtesy of FunWithSound and freesound.org
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@50:50 "ja! hear me now..." - Hans
@51:15 & 51:33 "oh, very nice...” courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@51:45 "drinking beer?" - Bart
@52:00 "pie eating contest?" - Chandler Bing
@52:02 "Let the games begin!" - Baron Wolfgang von Wolfhausen
@52:02 "ahem" courtesy of Alivvie and freesound.org
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@52:12 "what’s that?" courtesy of ballOOnhead and freesound.org
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@52:39 "holy shit!" courtesy of AlienXXX and freesound.org
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@52:41 "ouch" courtesy of Legnalegna55 and freesound.org
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@52:59 "pyro13djt and freesound.org
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PART FOUR / Teil vier @53:03
PART FIVE / Teil fünf @1:02:35
got a question, or just want to say hi...?